Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 24
November 16, 2019
Effing Feline needs a peticure #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, need to sharpen my claws. My manicure is in a frightful state, and I don’t mean Texas. Give me five minutes on a good scratching post, though, and I’ll be as good as new.
Speaking of good as new, Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is Ed’s new Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Holly Jansen has been hired by the alien king of Kwadra Island to conduct a performance of The Nutcacker ballet as a surprise Christmas present for his American wife. She wants to let her brother know she arrived safely on Kwadra, only to learn that telephones are scarce. She finds one, though.
The telephone sat on a side table in a small, windowless room, and a man sat in an office chair near the phone. She approached hesitantly, because he was formidable. His sleeveless shirt showed impressive biceps, but it was his face that made her hang back. He seemed to be . . . elsewhere; using his implant, perhaps, or merely thinking.
Dark, glacial eyes focused on something beyond the walls of the room, while his determined chin and sharp nose hinted at a ferocious sense of purpose that would be undeterred by anything she might do. That expression was far more alien than his features, which were Native American.
And, oh yeah — he was also handsome, in an intimidating, alpha sort of way. For an instant she wondered if he were the king, but on TV Tro Eaglesbrood had an easygoing, everyman quality this man lacked.
She stepped as close as she dared, because his extended legs, crossed at the ankles, blocked access to the phone. “Excuse me.”
“You are excused; the toilet is down the hall to your left.”
Effing Feline here again. Anybody out there have a good scratching post I can borrow?
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]The Nutcracker ballet performed for and by aliens?!?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Get your copy at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
NanoWrimo update
[image error]
To help keep myself on track this November, I’m going to try to post my progress. Lately I’ve been on fire.
After 16 days — 48840 words
Effing Feline #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, need to sharpen my claws. My manicure is in a frightful state, and I don’t mean Texas. Give me five minutes on a good scratching post, though, and I’ll be as good as new.
Speaking of good as new, Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is Ed’s new Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Holly Jansen has been hired by the alien king of Kwadra Island to conduct a performance of The Nutcacker ballet as a surprise Christmas present for his American wife. She wants to let her brother know she arrived safely on Kwadra, only to learn that telephones are scarce. She finds one, though.
The telephone sat on a side table in a small, windowless room, and a man sat in an office chair near the phone. She approached hesitantly, because he was formidable. His sleeveless shirt showed impressive biceps, but it was his face that made her hang back. He seemed to be . . . elsewhere; using his implant, perhaps, or merely thinking.
Dark, glacial eyes focused on something beyond the walls of the room, while his determined chin and sharp nose hinted at a ferocious sense of purpose that would be undeterred by anything she might do. That expression was far more alien than his features, which were Native American.
And, oh yeah — he was also handsome, in an intimidating, alpha sort of way. For an instant she wondered if he were the king, but on TV Tro Eaglesbrood had an easygoing, everyman quality this man lacked.
She stepped as close as she dared, because his extended legs, crossed at the ankles, blocked access to the phone. “Excuse me.”
“You are excused; the toilet is down the hall to your left.”
Effing Feline here again. Anybody out there have a good scratching post I can borrow?
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]The Nutcracker ballet performed for and by aliens?!?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Get your copy at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
NanoWrimo update
[image error]
To help keep myself on track this November, I’m going to try to post my progress. Lately I’ve been on fire.
After 16 days — 48840 words
November 12, 2019
A marvelous machine #mfrwhooks
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker, a holiday novella, is the sixth installment in my Alien Contact for Idiots near-future romance series. Holly Jansen, an unemployed orchestra conductor, has been saved from financial disaster by a offer from the King of Kwadra. The king and his scientists had ‘hopped’ Kwadra island from the future of an alternate Earth, to escape climate change that was rendering the planet uninhabitable.
Her job: to conduct a performance of The Nutcracker ballet as a surprise Christmas present for his American-born wife. In this snippet, Lissette, the manager of the still-under-construction arts center, is giving Holly a tour of the performance hall.
“Construction will be finished in time for the big performance,” Lissette promised as she led the way out of the music hall.
Holly looked back through the open doors. The stage was done, but nothing else. Groups of six to ten seats, joined together, were piled haphazardly in the audience section. The room’s perfect acoustics carried not music but a cacophony of hammering and sawing.
Sawdust filled the air, and she was allergic to red cedar dust. Her nose tickled for an instant before a huge, honking sneeze tore out of her. She scarcely had time to cover her face. “Well,” she sniffled, “if you say so, Lissette.”
“Then again, maybe not,” Lissette trilled gaily, “but don’t worry. I’ve ordered that the work be done near the stage first. As long as the first dozen or so rows are completed, the television audience need never know if everything isn’t perfect.”
“Ah yes, the television audience,” Holly echoed. She rubbed her temples in a vain attempt to distract from the throbbing of a tension headache. A particularly loud thump made her jump.
Lissette led her away from the chaos, down a wide hall also under construction. Instead of hammers and saws, a large, incomprehensible machine sat on a track running along a concrete wall. Making only a hissing sound in high C-sharp—though a bit flat, which made Holly’s headache shriek—it moved slower than she walked. After it passed, the wall was no longer bare concrete, but a rich wallpaper in textured royal purple and white. The machine even added light fixtures every few feet, though how it could manage the wiring she had no idea.
Somehow or other, Kwadra’s alternate Earth was a couple hundred years in the future. She didn’t understand it; few people did. Kwadra’s reality-hopping technology was incomprehensible to twenty-first century Earth, just as this wallpaper-and-lighting machine was on a smaller scale.
Holly turned and walked backward a few steps to watch the marvelous machine. Maybe the theater would be done in time after all.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
The Nutcracker ballet . . . performed for and by aliens?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle. But after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the queen has secretly ordered Rafe Sekwa, dancer extraordinaire, to produce a potlatch ceremony honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same day, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so no matter what. Soon Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration — and love.
Amazon — Canada — UK — Australia
Apple iBooks
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
November 10, 2019
Music Monday #MFRWauthor
Today, November 11, is Remembrance Day / Veteran’s Day. Considering that, what else could I possibly choose than this song?
The poem “In Flanders Fields” is profoundly meaningful for my father’s family, whose roots extend back to a town smack dab in the killing fields of the First Battle of Ypres. The poem “In Flanders Fields” was written to commemorate that battle.
[image error]
November 9, 2019
Effing Feline has no baggage #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, has no baggage. Or luggage. Or stuff of any kind. If a cat wants to prowl from one place to another, do we pack dental floss and jammies? Do we buy a special box to carry our things in — and make up a word for the box? “Luggage.” Something you have to lug around. Ugh.
And, since humans think one word is never as good as two or ten, you have to go to the bother of making up other words. Luggage. Baggage. Bags, Cases. Suitcases. Belongings. Then you need books to define each of these words. And of course, online dictionaries in case some people don’t know what ‘stuff’ is. It’s insane.
In Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker, Holly Jansen, an out-of-work orchestra conductor, gets a job offer from the king of Kwadra Island — a nation from an alternate earth that the inhabitants had “hopped” to our earth to escape environmental collapse. He wants her to conduct a performance of The Nutcracker ballet as a surprise Christmas present for his American-born wife.
In today’s snippet, Holly has just arrived at the arts center, where she and the performers will be sequestered until Christmas. She makes a request of the two young men escorting her into the building.
“First,” Holly said, “a telephone. I need to call my brother now that I’ve arrived.”
“Telephone?” The youth carrying her luggage frowned as though he had to search the database in his implant for the word.
She took a deep breath. “Oh Lord, don’t you have telephones here? I know there’s no cellphone reception on the island, but—”
“We choose not to be swallowed up in your communications universe,” Suko said. “Your salesmen alone outnumber everyone on Kwadra, and you have ten times as many spies trying to steal our technology — even your tourists are thieves.” He glared at her as though he meant her personally.
Effing Feline here again. The human obsession with ‘stuff’ doesn’t end with words. Once you have luggage, you need to buy a weatherproof building in which to store stuff until you need it. Bah!
The proper use for a house or apartment is not to hold your ‘stuff’ — it’s to keep your cat warm and dry. Remember that!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]The Nutcracker ballet performed for and by aliens?!?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Get your copy at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
NanoWrimo update
[image error]
To help keep myself on track this November, I’m going to try to post my progress. As always, I’m starting out full of vim, vigor, and words. And as always, I’ll probably slow down later.
After 9 days — 20,855 words
November 5, 2019
Is thirty thousand dollars sufficient? #mfrwhooks
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker, a holiday novella, is the sixth installment in my Alien Contact for Idiots series, though it can stand alone. The book opens five years from next November on a dark, rainy side street in Tacoma, Washington. Holly Jansen is trudges miserably with her cat, Thug, and when she gets to her car, it doesn’t start.
But then she gets a phone call from the king of Kwadra Island — a duplicate of Vancouver Island moved to our earth from the future of an alternate earth. He offers her the job of conducting a performance of The Nutcracker ballet as a surprise Christmas present for his American-born wife. Holly says yes, of course.
King Tro laughed. It sounded like the laugh of a human from this Earth, a nice man who just happened to be an alien king. She’d seen him on TV and the web, of course. Everyone on Earth knew the scientist/king who’d used weird technology from the future to move his people’s island home from a dying alternate Earth to the Pacific Ocean off the Washington coast.
“Miss Jansen, I’m getting the impression you’re in rather dire straits. Correct?”
Thug howled his ferocious yet pitiful agreement. He slunk onto the passenger seat, curled up, and glared at her before licking himself.
“It’s not my fault. My contract with the Kamloops Symphony wasn’t renewed — I suspect they wanted a male conductor — and I had a hard time finding anything so I had to take a job in the public schools teaching band and then they ran out of money and my roommate made off with the rent money and my car won’t start and . . . and . . .”
And shut your mouth, woman. Don’t dump your problems on a prospective employer. Especially not a king.
She sniffed loudly then pinched her offending nose shut. “That sniff was because I’m cold, not because I’m crying. I don’t cry. Or swear, either. Not usually, I mean, and I never say fuck. Oh, jeez, I did it again. I mean, I never say the F-word. Really, never. Well, hardly ever.”
Another warm laugh. She liked this guy.
“Miss Jansen, tomorrow I shall send you half your retainer to cover the trip to Kwadra, with the other half after the concert. Is thirty thousand dollars sufficient?”
Holly didn’t answer. Couldn’t. Her mouth wouldn’t close, let alone form words.
“Miss Jansen? Miss Jansen?”
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
The Nutcracker ballet . . . performed for and by aliens?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle. But after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the queen has secretly ordered Rafe Sekwa, dancer extraordinaire, to produce a potlatch ceremony honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same day, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so no matter what. Soon Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration — and love.
Amazon — Canada — UK — Australia
Apple iBooks
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
November 2, 2019
Effing Feline scorns nutcrackers #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, don’t get why the nutcracker is such a big deal. For one thing, after you crack the shell, there’s only a nut inside, not meat or fish, so why bother? For another, nutcrackers aren’t attractive, right? Not pretty!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Holly Jansen got locked out of her apartment because her roommate made off with her part of the rent money, so no she’s in her car, which won’t start. She and her cat are both cold and miserable, and so when she gets what she thinks is a prank call cellphone call, she snarls swear words.
But is it really a prankster?
“Is this Holly Jansen, the conductor?” The man’s baritone had a light, untraceable accent that was noticeable more in the rhythm of his speech than his pronunciation.
“Uh.” Squeezing her eyes so tightly shut they hurt, she lowered her forehead until it touched the frigid steering wheel. “Yes,” she whispered, “who’s this?”
Please don’t let it be who the phone says it is. I’ll do anything within—or even close to—the bounds of my personal morality.
“My name is Tro Eaglesbrood –”
Holly groaned; she’d used the F-word to the alien king from an alternate Earth, one of the most powerful men in the world? She pounded her forehead against the steering wheel.
“– and my aides were given your name by the Kamloops festival where you conducted a Nutcracker performance for several years, and also Professor Peterson recommends you highly.”
Effing Feline here again. I understand about there being a ballet called the nutcracker, but take a peek at Mrs V’s little tool.
[image error]
See what I mean? No one could possibly dance with unbending metal legs. The whole thing is preposterous! Yet another example of human inanity!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]The Nutcracker ballet performed for and by aliens?!?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle, but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar dancer Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Get your copy at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
NanoWrimo update
[image error]
To help keep myself on track this November, I’m going to try to post my progress. As always, I’m starting out full of vim, vigor, and words. And as always, I’ll probably slow down later.
After 2 days — 5141 words
October 31, 2019
Happy Halloween to you!
Out of curiosity, do you say HALoween or HOLLOween?
Take Our Poll
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is my favorite piece from Fantasia, but speaking as an orchestral musician, I hate playing it. I asked a top-notch professional oboist for help with the music. She just scowled and said “That whole page is unplayable!”
You’ll have to click the link to see Mickey as the sorcerer. The Disney Corporation, in their greedy, joy-sucking megalomania, won’t allow us ordinary folks to embed their videos; they have to control every bloody view. You know what’s one of the most horrible, rapacious monsters of our age? The Disney Corporation!
But Mickey as the Sorcerer is great, so click the link.
October 29, 2019
She pounded her head on the steering wheel #mfrwhooks
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker, a holiday novella, is the sixth installment in my Alien Contact for Idiots series, though it can stand alone. The book opens five years from next November on a dark, rainy side street in Tacoma, Washington. Holly Jansen is trudges miserably with her cat, Thug, and when she gets to her car, it doesn’t start. Last week’s snippet ended with “Her phone buzzed.”
Deirdre, explaining it had all been a mistake? Mrs. Peterson, calling to say the school had found the money to bring her back as a substitute music teacher after all? The director of the Chicago Symphony, begging her to take over the orchestra?
Holly fumbled the phone out of her purse. She read the caller’s name, rubbed her eyes, and looked again. It still said the same thing.
His Majesty King Eaglesbrood of Kwadra.
“A prank call?” Her voice started weak but rose to a scream. “Now?”
Usually she ignored telemarketers and pranksters, but here was a target for her wrath. She answered the call and spoke full blast: “What the fuck do you want, asshole?”
Silence. It lasted long enough to realize this was the second time in her adult life she’d used the F-word. It left a sour aftertaste, as though she’d forgotten to brush her teeth the morning after the night before.
Which reminded her. Her toothbrush was locked in the apartment.
“Is this Miss Jansen? Holly Jansen, the conductor?” The man’s baritone had a light, untraceable accent that was noticeable more in the rhythm of his speech than his pronunciation.
“Uh.” Squeezing her eyes so tightly shut they hurt, she lowered her forehead until it touched the frigid steering wheel. “Yes,” she whispered. “Who is this?” Please don’t let it be who the phone says it is. I’ll do anything within—or even close to—the bounds of my personal morality.
“My name is Tro Eaglesbrood –”
Holly groaned. She’d used the F-word to the alien king from an alternate Earth? One of the most powerful men in the world? She pounded her forehead against the steering wheel.
“– and my aides were given your name by the Kamloops festival where you conducted a Nutcracker performance for several years. Also, Professor Peterson recommends you highly.”
The names sank through the ice that coated Holly’s consciousness. The Nutcracker? Doris Peterson, her former conducting professor? This man had researched her thoroughly.
Holly raised her head. “Yes?” Her voice sounded almost sane.
“They all recommend you as a talented but underappreciated musician who might be available on short notice to conduct a performance of The Nutcracker ballet here on Kwadra Island. I want to surprise my wife with a gift reminiscent of her homeland,” the Kwadran queen was from Seattle, “on Christmas Eve. I was hoping—”
“I’ll do it.” Belatedly, Holly added, “Your Majesty.”
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Do you have any idea where my ‘spirit’s home’ is? You can find out in Andrea Huelsenbeck’s interview with me .
[image error]
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
The Nutcracker ballet . . . performed for and by aliens?
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle. But after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead . . .
. . . because the queen has secretly ordered Rafe Sekwa, dancer extraordinaire, to produce a potlatch ceremony honoring her husband’s ancestors — on the same day, time, and stage as The Nutcracker. The stubborn genius is determined to do so no matter what. Soon Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration — and love.
Amazon — Canada — UK — Australia
Apple iBooks
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
Smashwords
October 27, 2019
Music Monday – Back to Halloween’s roots #MFRWauthor
As my final musical salute to Halloween, it’s Night on Bald Mountain. This song from Fantasia is as satanic as Disney ever got — and now that the Disney company has gone all corporate, I’m sure they would never think of doing so darkly ‘real’ as this.
What’s your favourite Halloween music?
