Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 26
October 7, 2019
Music Monday – Halloween #1 #MFRWauthor
In honor of October, here’s my very favorite Halloween music.
John Williams, the world’s most famous movie composer (Star Wars, Superman, Harry Potter) wrote this for the film The Witches of Eastwick. The movie is very good, but not nearly as great as this Devil’s Dance!
October 5, 2019
Effing Feline, blackmailer #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, am about to be rolling in catnip. Finally, I have some dirt to hang over the head of my pet human, Ed. Blackmail time!
You see, while curled on the Mrs’s lap, I just saw the movie The Fugitive. A dude named Richard Kimble is searching for a heinous One-Armed Man. My ears went rigid and my fur stood on end, giving me the brilliant idea for blackmail.
But first, this week’s infomercial.
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. Last week we saw Holly Jansen torturing her poor cat by dragging it through winter rain. Call the ASPCA!
When Holly reached a fire hydrant, she balanced the carrier on it while she unzipped her rain jacket and wrapped it around the cat carrier — only to have icicles of wind shoot with vicious joy through the open coat and assault her t-shirt. Tacoma wasn’t supposed to get this cold this soon. She didn’t have gloves, scarf, ear muffs, or winter coat because she hadn’t gotten out her winter clothes yet. And now she couldn’t, because they were behind a padlocked door with the rest of her belongings.
Thug mewled piteously.
“No, I told you, this isn’t my fault.” Which wasn’t quite true; she could’ve chosen a more practical career than conducting an orchestra, like flipping burgers at McDonalds.
A gust of wind, arctic gods laughing at her, turned her coat into a sail; she held onto both cat and coat with difficulty. “I gave my half of the rent money to Deidre every month. How was I to know she was keeping it for a one-way flight back to Perth?”
Effing Feline here again. What does The Fugitive have to do with blackmail?
You may remember that Ed had shoulder surgery to repair his rotator cuff. In the month since, his left arm has been in a sling 24 hours a day, making him a One-Armed Man! If he doesn’t cough up the catnip as steadily as furballs, I’m gonna tell this Richard Kimble guy where he lives. Cue the evil, drunken purr!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
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Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]They both need a Christmas miracle
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle . . . but after meeting the lead dancer, she suspects it’s a curse, instead.
You see, the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered idealistic Rafael Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance honoring her husband’s ancestors on same date, time, and stage as The Nutcracker! The stubborn genius is determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Coming October 21! Pre-order your copy at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
October 1, 2019
Ready for a Christmas Miracle? #mfrwhooks
It’s October, so new book today!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker, a holiday novella, is the sixth installment in my Alien Contact for Idiots series. It’s been marinating in my cerebrospinal fluid for a few years now. While sitting in the orchestra pit, playing for live performances of The Nutcracker, I started wondering what a performance for and by aliens would be like. Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is the result.
Instead of a snippet, I’m giving you two things intended to hook a reader into buying.
The back-cover blurb.
A “travel brochure” that I create as an extra marketing piece.
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
[image error]They both need a Christmas miracle
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle . . . but after she meets the lead dancer, she wonders if it’s a curse, instead —
Because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered idealistic loner Rafe Sekwa to produce a potlatch dance as her husband’s Christmas present, to honor his ancestors — on same day and time as Holly’s Nutcracker! Rafe is determined to do so no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Then Rafe asks Holly to pretend to be his lover to make another woman jealous. When the magic of Christmas conspires to make the playacting feel too real, Holly tries to back out of the concert. But is it too late for escape– and for her heart?
This is just a draft, so feel free to nitpick. In particular, I’m thinking of dropping the last paragraph. What do you think?
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker will be available October 21, 2019. I’ll get you the pre-order links next week.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
September 28, 2019
Effing Feline fears for his paws #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, am starting excerpts from a new book. Not because I want to (I don’t care one way or another about Ed’s books, though don’t tell him that) but because he already has another book coming out. One in September, now one in October? He’s going to wear my beautiful paws down to mere nubbins. Poor me!
Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker is a Christmas novella –Ed’s first ever novella that didn’t overeat and become a novel — and the 6th installment of the Alien Contact for Idiots series. It’s set 5 years from November. Rather than tell you about it (I’m worried about my poor paws, you know) let’s jump right in to the story.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” Holly Jansen said to the Thug.
Thug didn’t answer.
“The age of wisdom, the age of…” Her voice trailed off; trudging through the first winter storm of the year wasn’t conducive to quoting Charles Dickens. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it’s the best of times because . . . because, well, Black Friday is over and it’s now the Christmas season. The time for Christmas miracles.”
When a gust splashed her face, Holly bent her head into the biting rain. “Yeah, yeah, we need one of those — maybe two. But this is my favorite time of the year — yours too, Thug?’”
No answer came from inside the cat carrier.
The rain made the side street in front of her former apartment seem dark and threatening. It was cold, close to freezing; close to snowing, too; a drop, suspiciously solid, hit the tip of her nose.
Effing Feline here again. I think I’m going to hate this book. That poor, wet cat! How dare Ed torture a feline merely to sell books!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday. I’ll bet none of them is so cruel as to put felines in peril.
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Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker
They both need a Christmas miracle
[image error]
No cover yet, but here’s the ‘travel poster’ for the book
Holly Jansen, a young orchestra conductor down on her luck, is secretly hired by an alien king to conduct The Nutcracker on Kwadra Island as a Christmas present for his American wife. This big break seems like a Christmas miracle . . . but after meeting the lead dancer, she knows it’s a curse, instead.
Because the Kwadran queen has secretly ordered superstar Rafe Sekwa to produce a Christmas potlatch honoring Kwadra’s tribal ancestors — at the same time as Holly’s Nutcracker. He’s determined to do so, no matter what, and Holly finds her ambition melting in the face of her growing admiration . . . and love.
Coming October 21! Preorder Alien Contact for an Enhanced Nutcracker at:
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
September 24, 2019
Out of action #mfrwhooks
Today is the last snippet from Love thy Galactic Enemy, — which is now live!
I’m continuing with last week’s action scene, where we see Finn’s heroic side. Riding a grav sled while Minta, and a friend are returning from a clinic visit, a Finn is startled when a quartet of men attack. Up to now, he’s been ill and passive. He’s sweet, sure, but not the virile conqueror typical of sci fi romance. But we learn that he has a Dervish implant that slows time and improves reflexes, giving him an extraordinary amount of time to react to the enemies.
Only one attacker headed toward him; they underestimated him.
Two others, including the sword bearer, headed around the sled on Minta’s side. She must be the target.
The fourth was tramping into the underbrush on Sandrina’s side, because the sled was at the edge of the path.
It seemed to Finn he had all the time in the world to aim the clothing bag at his attacker’s face. Garments spilled out of it and flew through the air. A colorful dress landed on the man’s face like a shroud, blinding him. At the same instant, Finn reached behind to grab the sled’s control stick. While the attacker clawed at the dress, Finn jerked the accelerator to high, though of course it seemed slow to him. The sled’s deck smashed into the man’s shin with a painful crack.
Broken tibia, out of action. One down, three to go.
Finn threw himself off the sled. The downside of slowing time was that he had longer to feel the pain of landing hard on his arm. Two additional bursts of prolonged agony as attacker number two’s feet hit first his shoulder then his forehead.
Finn’s training overrode the pain. His head wasn’t the smartest thing to use to trip the man, but hey, it worked. With one hand, he grabbed the man’s foot as it soared slowly through the air. Twisted it ninety degrees. The leg didn’t break — too bad — but something gave way with a nauseating crunch. Torn meniscus? Dislocated hip?
Whatever. Temporarily out of action.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Love thy Galactic Enemy
Abandoned to the enemy’s tender mercy
[image error]Minta, the reserved secretary for a spy team that spread a man-made plague, leaves the planet too late — the team abandons her on the enemy’s space station. She’s forced to fend for herself until she can make contact with an elusive spy, Watcher, who can take her home. To avoid arrest, she nurses a plague victim — a gentle, whimsical man who spouts Lewis Carroll. But to know this enemy is to love him . . .
When Finn Shanwing falls ill, he doesn’t intend to hide that he’s a high-ranking commando. Neither does he intend to fall in love with the secretive nurse who saves his life . . . but by the time he reveals to Minta she saved an enemy commando, it’s too late for his heart. Or hers. Also too late to escape the wrath of Watcher — half-human, half-machine, and both halves obsessed with her.
Amazon US – Canada – UK – Australia
Barnes and Noble (Nook)
Kobo Books
Smashwords
………………
September 21, 2019
Effing Feline just wants to sleep #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, want to sleep. And when I want to sleep, I sleep, know what I mean? After all, I’m a cat. But today I can’t sleep because I have a blog post due, hiss the $#^!* thing.
So here it is, quick and dirty. Read silently, don’t even move your lips, because I’m going to be napping!
The heroine of Galactic Enemy, currently calling herself “Lou,” knocks out a guy she thinks is an intruder, then discovers he’s an innocent (and seriously ill) new roommate. He has taken a sleeping pill and she’s been vaccinated against his disease, so Lou has the courage to crawl under the covers with him, prepared to bolt at the first sign of him waking up . . . or so she thinks.
Lou floated to awareness. She was warm—she knew that much, but not much else. It was a bone-deep warmth, syrupy and relaxed, and she hadn’t felt cozy like this in far too long.
She yawned, and after a moment, opened her eyes. She was on her back with her head turned toward a man.
A man?
Her cheek snuggled into the hollow of his shoulder. His arm was flung across her chest and belly to cradle her hip with a large, overly intimate hand. She froze; stopped breathing, even.
Had he…?
Had they…?
Effing Feline here again. I feel much better now that I’ve had my nap. I don’t understand why this woman wakes up so confused. I NEVER wake up confused. Hungry, yes. Confused, no.
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Love thy Galactic Enemy
Abandoned to the enemy’s tender mercy
Minta Streave, the naive secretary for a spy team that spread a man-made plague, leaves the planet too late — the team abandons her on the enemy’s space station. She’s must fend for herself until she can contact an elusive spy, Watcher, to take her home. To forestall arrest, she nurses a plague victim — a gentle, whimsical man who quotes Lewis Carroll. But to know this enemy is to love him . . .
When Finn Shanwing falls ill, he doesn’t intend to hide that he’s a high-ranking commando. Nor does he intend to fall in love with the secretive nurse who saves his life. By the time he reveals to Minta that she saved an enemy officer, it’s too late for his heart — or hers. Also too late to escape the wrath of Watcher, half-human, half-machine, and both halves obsessed with her.
Amazon US – Canada – UK – Australia
Barnes and Noble (Nook)
Kobo Books
Smashwords
Apple iBooks
September 19, 2019
Picture It – The dream house #mfrwauthor #PictureIt
Here’s an oldie — my mother holding our second-born son in front of our old house in B.C. That place was pretty much our dream home. Still would be, maybe, if it were 300 miles or so closer to civilization.
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September 17, 2019
Fuzzy around the edges #mfrwhooks
I’m continuing with snippets from Love thy Galactic Enemy, — which is now live!
I’m skipping ahead to an action scene. Returning from a clinic visit, a quartet of men attack Minta and Finn — aiming for her because of her enemy roots. Up to now, Finn has been ill and passive. He’s sweet, sure, but not the virile conqueror typical of sci fi romance.
But we suddenly learn something about him. Something about a Dervish implant . .
One attacker charged straight toward Finn, club held high. The young man, teenager really, moved like a fast robot, jerky and dead-eyed — high on one of the many designer drugs. If Finn knew what narcotic he was on, the knowledge might give a shred of an advantage, but there were too many to even guess.
So Finn reacted by picking up the only thing available on the flat surface of the grav sled: the bag of clothes, even though clothes hardly counted as a weapon. For an instant he worried he was still too ill for his Dervish to function.
But then his Dervish implants, may the supernovas bless them, kicked in with a physical whoosh that made him feel like a gas stove being lit from his toes to his nose —
— followed by a familiar instant of disorientation—
— and then a dreamlike detachment from reality.
He saw the scene in slow motion. It was fuzzy around the edges because his eyes focused on the center, leaving his peripheral vision hazy. In Dervish mode, his brain processed images not slowly like a thirty-eight-year-old, and not even with the greater speed of a five-year-old for whom time seemed to crawl — but faster than any normal human. That processing speed made time seem to drift on fairy wings. His reflexes improved too, partly because of the increased image-processing but also because the Dervish implant boosted his fight-flight response and adrenaline production.
He had plenty of time to assess the attack and his response.
Minta was pushing the grav sled with its rear handle. Sandrina Dukelsky walked at her side. They were partially protected by the sled…and by him, if he had enough strength to spring into action.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Love thy Galactic Enemy
Abandoned to the enemy’s tender mercy
[image error]Minta, the reserved secretary for a spy team that spread a man-made plague, leaves the planet too late — the team abandons her on the enemy’s space station. She’s forced to fend for herself until she can make contact with an elusive spy, Watcher, who can take her home. To avoid arrest, she nurses a plague victim — a gentle, whimsical man who spouts Lewis Carroll. But to know this enemy is to love him . . .
When Finn Shanwing falls ill, he doesn’t intend to hide that he’s a high-ranking commando. Neither does he intend to fall in love with the secretive nurse who saves his life . . . but by the time he reveals to Minta she saved an enemy commando, it’s too late for his heart. Or hers. Also too late to escape the wrath of Watcher — half-human, half-machine, and both halves obsessed with her.
Amazon US – Canada – UK – Australia
Barnes and Noble (Nook)
Kobo Books
Smashwords
………………
September 16, 2019
Music Monday – Chicago’s Dance #MFRWauthor
Last week I teased you with a short piece from 1725 that was the soundtrack for an operation. This week I’m staying in the same year, same country (France) for perhaps an even greater musical oddity: an interpretation of Native Americans by 18th century civilization.
In 1725, French settlers in Illinois sent Chief Agapit Chicagou of the Mitchigamea and five other chiefs to Paris. On 25 November 1725, they met with King Louis XV. Chicagou had a letter read pledging allegiance to the crown. They later danced three kinds of dances in the Théâtre-Italien, inspiring Rameau to compose his dances of the savages.
There’s an even odder version on YouTube that I didn’t embed because this is a G-rated (maybe PG-13) website. The savages are nude.
September 14, 2019
Effing Feline congratulates Ed (yawn) #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, love birds. Preferably filleted and sauteed.
Our dining nook has a wall of glass, making it easy for me to curl up and watch meals-on-wings flutter around the bird feeder. I watch them and daydream stories of a great tabby hunter. My stories are much better than Ed’s. More blood and gore! Nonetheless, he insists I tell you that Love thy Galactic Enemy is now available for sale! I’m sure you’re as excited as I am! (Snore)
The heroine of Galactic Enemy, currently calling herself “Lou,” knocks out a guy she thinks is an intruder, then discovers he’s an innocent (and seriously ill) new roommate. He has taken a sleeping pill and she’s been vaccinated against his disease, so Lou has the courage to crawl under the covers with him.
After several breaths, Lou shifted closer until their bodies touched at the knees. She lay still and concentrated on his breathing: slow and even. Each breath reminded her she wasn’t alone, reassured her that tomorrow she might earn his forgiveness, promised hope.
The kinship she felt for him was ridiculous…but strong. She raised her hand to touch his arm, but then lowered it to her side.
Did she dare hold him?
It wasn’t really a matter of daring, it was a matter of need—she needed to feel she wasn’t alone. Without someone to cling to, she might shatter into dust no one would recognize had ever been a human, and no one would miss her. Just sweep her up and dump her in the dustbin.
With a muffled groan, she put her arm around his waist and scooted against him.
Effing Feline here again. What’s the big deal about a book going live? I mean, it’s not really alive. You can’t eat it. Going live obviously isn’t very satisfying even to Ed, because he’s already gone and worked on another book. Anyway, congratulations, Ed (yawn). Hope you finally, finally, finally got one right so you can quit this nonsense and become a normal, beer-swilling pet human.
[image error]
PS – Do any of you know how to text Uber to “deliver hummingbirds al a barbecue?”
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
[image error]
Love thy Galactic Enemy
Abandoned to the enemy’s tender mercy
Minta Streave, the naive secretary for a spy team that spread a man-made plague, leaves the planet too late — the team abandons her on the enemy’s space station. She’s must fend for herself until she can contact an elusive spy, Watcher, to take her home. To forestall arrest, she nurses a plague victim — a gentle, whimsical man who quotes Lewis Carroll. But to know this enemy is to love him . . .
When Finn Shanwing falls ill, he doesn’t intend to hide that he’s a high-ranking commando. Nor does he intend to fall in love with the secretive nurse who saves his life. By the time he reveals to Minta that she saved an enemy officer, it’s too late for his heart — or hers. Also too late to escape the wrath of Watcher, half-human, half-machine, and both halves obsessed with her.
Amazon US – Canada – UK – Australia
Barnes and Noble (Nook)
Kobo Books
Smashwords
Apple iBooks
![[image error]](https://eahoornaert.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/nutcrackerl-travel-poster-1.jpg){kind=link}