Steve Biddulph's Blog, page 5

Capture the moments

Inspiring good dads to be GREAT DADS.

My wife dug out some old video footage of our family this week and we sat around the TV as a family and chuckled at what we saw. First steps as toddlers, a 2-year-old attempting to blow out the candle for his 1-year-old brother. More spit than huff. Dress ups, funny faces, a very skinny young mum and dad and one of our favorite dogs.

It is amazing to realise how much happens over a 20 year period in a family’s life. If I did not see the videos or have photos to prompt my memory I would have no recollection of the ages and stages of my children and our family antics.

In my seminars I often ask people what possessions they would grab if their house were to be on fire. In every single meeting photo albums or hard drives comes up as an answer.

Photos and video footage capture the moments. They record our family history. They remind us of the good times and help us to revisit what has gone into helping making our family a family.

My wife was clever enough to write down lots of the sayings or word pronunciations our children came out with. Kids come out with classic one liners and it’s worth keeping a list of these. They can be hilarious to read out together in the years ahead.

With the technology we have today capturing photo or video footage is a snap. Remembering to do it still requires us to think to do it.

Capture the moments. Film the performances, the sporting moments, get the happy snaps on family holidays and be sure to store them all where you can find them easily.

The years will pass and, like me, you will be astounded at how quickly they roll by. Be sure to build your family history in as many ways you can and be doubly sure to capture the moments.

What family or relationship memories are you building with your kids this weekend?

Twins and Triplets

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS.

Most of us will not know what it is like to have twins and even less of us will experience triplets or more. The parental juggling act must be a challenge. As a dad of twins or triplets you are definitely a man in demand. My wife and I had 3 children under the age of three and a half, so I think our workload came close.

Many of us do have children that are close in age so this blog relates as we try to cater for all the needs in our family. Your twins are unique people that will grow up to lead very different lives (unless they both pursue the same career and share the same social lives). Your relationship with each of them will have distinctly different characteristics.

The sheer workload of having twins or triplets would need you and your partner to be octopus-like in your dealing with the many responsibilities of raising multiple babies.

You have double (triple) the fun and the blessing of having these precious little ones all at once.

My encouragement to you is to make sure you schedule one to one time so you can nurture your unique relationship with each of them and let your special bond be shaped by the activities, experiences and conversations you share.

It is cute to dress twins the same but clearly there comes a time when they want to be recognised for their uniqueness and begin to push back on the same clothing, hair styles etc. It makes sense to let them become their own person and develop their own identity.

I know of four dads with twins following this blog. I have recently met two dads with twins in my seminars and they have shared with me some of the challenges they face.

One told me that his 5-year-old daughters were in the same class and he wondered at what age would be recommended to separate them. My wisdom was to say you will know it is right when the time comes and you will be in agreement with your wife on this issue.

I welcome your thoughts dads with twins on this subject. What have you found to be most rewarding? What are some of the challenges you face?

GDGD news: I have the book cover and text all ready to go to the printers. Hopefully the book will be available in 2-3 weeks. Like the Good dads GREAT DADS Facebook page so you can be sure to hear the announcement. I am looking into also publishing an audio book for the visually impaired dads around the world.

Royal child Royal dad

Encouraging dads worldwide.

Congratulations to William and Kate on the birth of Prince George.

While the world media has a love affair with the arrival of the baby prince and much fuss is made about the 3rd in line to the British throne, I am more conscious of the thrill that another man and his beautiful wife have just become proud parents.

Welcome to fatherhood Prince William. Like all dads I’m sure some encouragement along the way will be appreciated. Feel free to connect with the Good Dads GREAT DADS community via liking the Facebook page on right of screen.



I may even be so bold as to send a copy of my book to him in time for Father’s day. Do you think it will get to him. Worth a try.

When Kate and Will presented their child to the waiting media you could see their delight, as most young couples experience when they get to take their precious parcel home. She was glowing and he was radiantly proud.

We dads around the world salute you and say that among your many privileges and responsibilities you will find very few that will rate as highly as being a dad. Enjoy much time with your precious son and invest heavily in a quality relationship with him as we know you will.

Announcing the new Facebook page for dads around the world. Please like it and share it with your Facebook friends. My aim is to have 1000 dads (and anyone lese that would like to connect) By Australian Father’s day in September. The paper back edition of Good Dads GREAT DADS will be available in mid August.The ebook will also be available for your phone, tablet of Computer.

Please help spread the word via the new Facebook page on right of screen. Like and then Share it.

I enjoyed watching my son pitch really well and get home twice in his baseball game today. Enjoy the weekend with your children.

Protect kids from Bullies

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS.

Most schoolyard bullies have low self-esteem. They pick on others out of their own lack of self-confidence and their low sense of self-worth. They are starved of attention and crave recognition from others.

Unfortunately they do so at the expense of other children. Perhaps your child has been bullied.

When children are bullied they feel belittled. Their own self belief is challenged and what may have been a healthy sense of confidence and enjoyment of life is kicked in the guts and can cause serious long-term negative effects in a person’s life.

Recent media reports claim that children as young as 12 and 14 have taken drastic measures, including suicide, to escape the pain of bullying. A recent study published by ARACY (Australian Research Alliance for Children and Youth) states that one in three children in Western Australian schools has been bullied at school. This is a crisis.

Your child should not be bullied. They deserve to enjoy their time at school and in whatever sporting or social clubs they belong to. As a dad there are a few things to be aware of. If your children show changes in behaviour you need to give them the opportunity to tell you what is going on for them at school.

They need you to hug them and reassure them of their value to you. It is wise to pre-warn your children about the behaviours of bullies and why they bully other children. Explain what signs to be looking for and who to tell if they see someone being a bully at school. Tell your child early that if anyone ever bullies them, this is not acceptable behaviour and they need to tell you.

If bullying is taking place you need to take immediate action. Make an appointment to see the school principal and classroom teacher the next day if possible. Too much damage is caused in children’s lives because bullying is tolerated or let go for too long.

If your child has been bullied you need to rebuild your child’s confidence by spending plenty of time with them doing activities that will boost their confidence once more. They also need the verbal and physical affirmation that a loving father can offer.

I recommend you have a conversation with your child / children about bullying. Get your children to understand what bullying is about and what must happen if bullying is sighted or experienced. Assure them of your love and that if they are ever bullied that they need to tell you immediately. You simply must protect them from potential damage. Explain that because you love them so much you want to protect them and be sure to take action as soon as it is mentioned.

Perhaps you could contact your child’s school to show an interest in the school’s bullying policy and offer your support in this area.

I am tempted to print off bumper stickers and start a campaign titled “Bullies have Low Self-Esteem” to show them that the rest of us know why they bully others.

This blog may prompt you to have a conversation tonight when you get home from work about the subject of bullying. It also gives you a chance to communicate how valuable your children are to you once again.

Different children different needs

If I asked you whether your children had a choleric, sanguine, melancholy or phlegmatic personality, would you screw up your face and say, “what the heck are you talking about?”

If I asked you if they are an attention to detail, perfectionist type, a laid back easy-going person with a dry sense of humour or the life of the party, story telling, fun-loving, spontaneous, performer

who loves the spotlight? Would that make more sense?

Your child may be more of a driver that organises everyone around them including parents if you let them. They can seem to be more bossy than the other types of personalities.

It’s always fascinated me how children from the same biological couple can turn out so different from each other.

As dads it can be helpful to understand the unique personality of each of our children and relate to them so. I dedicate a chapter in my book to understanding the four personality types and how dads can be more effective in their relationship with each child when we relate to them so.

Hippocrates discerned four basic personality, or temperament types. Many re-interpretations or re-labeling of these has taken place with fresh marketing spin but essentially he determined that we, and our children, have a dominant personality type and secondary combinations of the other traits.

Take ten minutes to visit Wikipedia and read about Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic and Melancholy.

Then ask yourself and your partner and your children if they are older enough to see which personality description best describes their personality.

Understanding ourselves and our children that bit more builds our emotional and relational intelligence as dads. Being as highly effective in our relationship with our children is what Good dads GREAT DADS stands for.

Recommended further reading on this incredible subject;

Personality Plus by Florence Littauer

Different Children Different Needs by Dr. Charles F Boyd

and Good Dads GREAT DADS by Mal White (naturally).

Once a dad always a dad

Good dads GREAT DADS seeks to encourage men around the world in their role as fathers.

Once a dad always a dad.

I have friends that are well into their seventies and they light up when they get to tell me about their sons or daughters. They love being a dad. I work with men that are expectant fathers who can’t wait to be a dad for the first time. I know dads that struggle with their teenager’s behaviour but still find fulfilment in their role. I love being a dad.

The task of being a dad is both a super privilege and a mammoth responsibility that lasts a life time. We never get it perfect all the time. In fact some of us would be happy to get it right a few times.

Knowing when to discipline and how much we should dish out. When to reprimand and when to keep our mouth shut? How old should they be before we let them go out to parties? Should we expect more from our kids around the home? How much board should they pay? Should I get up and feed and change our crying baby or should I lay there pretending to be asleep so my beloved can tend to her needs?

If we are separated, how then do I make the most of my time with the kids without spoiling them? Or should I spoil them so they will know how cool spending time with dad really is?

When I facilitate a Good dads GREAT DADS seminar I give men a few minutes to tell each other about their own father. Most men welcome the opportunity to tell someone about their dad no matter how good or lousy they may have been.

Once a dad always a dad.

In my early days as a dad I learned a lot from reading books by Steve Biddulph, James Dobson and other great authors on the subject of Fatherhood, Parenthood and Family life. They helped shape me as a family man and I strongly recommend investing in ourselves as dads so we can learn and grow so we can make the most of this amazing thing called being a dad.

To read more, you may like to check out my book, Good Dads GREAT DADS, in the iTunes book store (for iPad users only). In August my book will be available in print delivered to your door via Amazon, Kindle etc and digitally for whatever device you use. Choose to follow my blog on the right of screen as details of my book will be made public for you here in a few weeks. A new Facebook page is being created so you can connect with dads globally for mutual encouragement as well, so stay in touch here.

What is one thing you could do with each of your children this weekend that shows them how much you care about them?

Time to Build Something

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS!

Have you ever enjoyed building something special with your children? A cubby house, a vege garden, a tree house or a dolls house?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember the joy of building a billy-cart with our sons when they were all in primary (elementary) school. We made it long enough that all four of us could ride on it down our sloped street. We screwed down a length of garden hose along each side for us all to hang on to.

We hooted and cheered as we screamed crazily downhill. Fortunately I had a friend install a working braking system so we were always able to stop before crashing.

We enjoyed many years together riding that ol’ billy-cart and had the pleasure of building something together that we could take pride in because we built it.

It can be anything you and your child would like to build. A small, medium or large project. Its not so much what you build but the fact that you build something together. The planning, the shopping for parts, the hammering and drilling, the creativity and the laughter and chatter that goes into the project make it worth the while.

I wonder what you might consider building together, maybe a little discussion with your kids will reveal some great ideas. What would they like to build with their dad?

Good dads to GREAT DADS

Encouraging good dads all over the world to be GREAT DADS!

Fatherhood is one of the most fulfilling opportunities in life.  How does a good dad become a great dad?

The fact that you are reading this tells me that you are interested in learning and growing toward being a better dad. As men, we need encouragement and practical tips along the way so that we improve our effectiveness as dads. I am yet to meet the perfect dad and I know personally that I want to learn and grow even after 25 years in the role.

Good dads GREAT DADS started 3 years ago and I was excited when my first follower signed up to read my blogs. Today with both these blogs and my book of the same title you are among a readership that spans 83 countries.

Yesterday my wife and I sat in the pouring rain trying to stay warm. Our matching burgundy umbrellas at least made us look like team sponsors. We sat watching our son play baseball. It’s winter and the lure of the open fire at home was tempting. I asked myself why we do this to ourselves? I answered my question immediately, because we love our children and we want to show them that we are interested in them and that we are proud of them. We do these things because thats what parents do.

What makes a good dad great?

1. He makes time to spend time with each of his children one on one as well as all altogether.

2. He is a man of integrity and a man of his word providing a sound role model. His footsteps are worth following.

3. He models quality in the way he relates to those around him.

4. He seeks to understand his children and what makes them tick as people and then relates to them for who they are.

5. He demonstrates his love to his children.

6. He chooses to believe in his children’s potential and does whatever he can to invest himself in their lives so they fulfil their potential.

7. He sees the importance of a life-long relationship with his children and is ready to do whatever it takes to  build that relationship in the formative years (0-25).

8. He is willing to grow and learn to become a better man and father over the course of his life.

9. He learns to communicate with his children. And learns and learns and learns and learns!!!

10. He learns from his children as well as teaching, mentoring and nurturing them.

No doubt you can add to this list but it’s certainly a good place to start.

Coaching: Think about each one of these points (perhaps you could discuss them with your partner or a friend)

How do you feel you measure up, good dad or GREAT DAD? What might you be able to do differently? What do you need to learn and where might you be able to get that information? What areas of your life would you like to improve? How could you improve your communication with your children? From reading these 10 points what challenges you? What action can you take now?

Good Dads GREAT DADS, the book, is being published as a paper back (delivered to your door anywhere in the world) and will also be available on Amazon and Kindle as an e-book by August 1st. It is now available in the parenting section on iTunes (for iPad only).

Stay in touch. Simply choose “follow” tab at bottom of screen on the right, add email and you will receive my blog by email.

 

Time Together

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS!

I recently ran an interactive workshop for 45 dads and their children who are in grade 5. In the feedback sheets both dads and kids reported that they loved spending time together one to one and the evening gave them an opportunity to talk to each other in a way that some had not been able to before.

Several weeks later that same group of children were surveyed by the school chaplain to see what may have changed in their relationship with their dad.

Some responses were; “Dad’s been spending much more time with me since the dad night.”  ”Dad and I now tell each other how we are feeling.”  ”My dad has even being playing XBox with me which is something he never did before.”  My dad took me to the art gallery for the first time, we loved it.” “I love my dad and I like it now when he tells me that he loves me.”

I am greatly encouraged to have been part of building relationships in those few families.

In my family life, my 20-year-old son, the youngest of our three, and I went indoor rock climbing two nights ago and enjoyed great pizza afterwards. To my delight, and with my sons encouragement, I climbed 60 feet high to the top of the roof. Not something I could do for several years. It feels good to be getting strong and fit once again. It took me a little while to get my confidence up and be able to trust my son’s ability to securely hold me at his end of the rope down below.

I love the time I get to spend one on one with my sons. It happens a lot less these days but when it happens it means the world to me. One of the dads in the workshop wrote, “Thank you Mal, I didn’t realise the importance of my role as a father and I didn’t know how important spending time with my daughter was.”

If you give your children nothing else in this life, give them your time.

How recently did you spend meaningful time one on one with your child or children? How’s your calendar looking? It’s too much of a privilege to miss out on and if you want to communicate your love to your child, nothing demonstrates it as powerfully as time together.

PS. I just left a conference dinner and made my way back to my hotel room to finish this blog. A lady also got into the elevator and recognised me from a workshop we were both in during the day. She asked “Are you the blogger?” I kindly replied that I blog about fatherhood, to which she said, “Good dads?” I said “Yes, Good dads, GREAT DADS. To which she smiled and said , “My husband reads your blog, it’s great!” She told me they lived in Sydney and that someone had recommended my blog to him on Facebook.

I told her that I was off to my room to finish writing this one. I am encouraged!

Ages and Stages

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS!

This morning I got up earlier than usual, lit the fire and made a hot cuppa and sat back in my favorite chair with a couple of family photo albums.

When your children are adults you look back on the holiday times together, the funny costumes they dressed up in, the celebration of birthdays and the various stages of life from sport teams to learning to ride a bike through to that first car.

As a dad you go from being the nurturing hugger of babies and toddlers to Mr. Funtime, playing Hide and Seek and being the Giant Tickle Monster, through to becoming teacher, mentor, coach, taxi driver, counsellor, Billy-Cart and cubby house maker and on occasion, Mr.Fixit.

There are many ages and stages in the life of a dad. During these we gradually adapt and change in response to what our children need us to be. Enjoying the different phases and being highly engaged with our kids as they grow and change is the privilege of fatherhood.

My encouragement to every father is to be fully there for your children as much and as often as possible. Build the relationship so that it is one that endures for a lifetime. Cherish each stage as a new adventure. Be careful not to wish the years away because they are too hard.

Take lots of photos and videos of your family times together and especially of your children participating in all their activities.

Take it from me, at 49, the memory does not recall a lot of what happens in these child raising years. Photos help to take us back to those years when you bonded through the many life experiences together.

What age and stage are each of your children at today?

What memories are you creating with your children this month?