Steve Biddulph's Blog, page 4

The Dad movement

Good Dads GREAT DADS inspires families.

Wars have taken dads away from families. Alcohol, drugs and other addictions have taken dads away from families. Hunger and the need to find work have taken dads away from families. The modern corporate world has taken dads away from families.

We the dads of this generation say ENOUGH!

Our children need us to be there. Our partners need us to be there.

Our families depend on us not just to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. They need our love, our affirmation, our protection and our care.

Our children need to hear from their dad how valuable they are.

Boys need to know they measure up in their dad’s eyes.

Girls need to know that they are highly regarded princesses in their daddy’s eyes.

If we get nothing else right in this life we need to get our role as Dad right. Our children and their future depends on it.

We now know that much of the world’s pain is caused by absent, disengaged or abusive dads. Their is a revolution among us. There is a change happening.

Dads and key influencers around the world are shouting out…“Dads are needed and wanted in their families. Dads hold the keys to much of their children’s personal development. There is a reason children need mums (moms) and dads.”

We partner together to grow our children.

Many dads today get it.

We play with our kids daily. We read to our children, We attend their sport and their ballet. We play dress ups and go on father-daughter dates. We wrestle with our children, we are more conscientious about our role-modelling and our mentoring.

Dads of the world, we need to step up together and make this world a better place.

Our families need us, our partners need us and, if we are to build a brighter tomorrow, we need to invest our time and our love and our selves in the lives of our children.

No excuses, just do it! Together we will make this world a better place!

Fatherhood Foundation book review

Warwick Marsh from the Australian Fatherhood Foundation has written a very positive review of

Good dads GREAT DADS.

He is a good man that works tirelessly to promote positive fatherhood in Australia. He is a man I respect deeply and here I share with you what he has kindly written about my book for his national audience.

REVIEW.

‘Good Dads Great Dads – footsteps worth following’ is the name of a fantastic book by Mal White. The forward says it all: “I dedicate this book to my three sons; Jordan, Jesse and Josiah. You have taught me how wonderful it is to be a dad.”

The ‘In Memory’ part really got to me: “To my dad, I wish with all my heart you did not die so young. (55 years) We would have been good friends. Thanks for believing in me, loving me and taking me fishing. My heart still yearns for you.”

‘Good Dads Great Dads’ only gets better when you read the chapter headings:

1. Do something,

2. Build Something,

3. Go Somewhere,

4. Say Something,

5. Model Something,

6. Create Something,

7. Impart Something,

8. Be There,

9. Share Something,

10. Read Something, and many more.

It may sound weird but I was crying by the time I got to the chapter headings. You see ‘fatherhood’ is all about doing something. When it comes to fatherhood, actions are absolutely critical. It is entirely possible for you to read this newsletter studiously every week but still be a lousy father. Sound hard to believe?

Let me tell you a story: I was doing a fatherhood event at a local school with a well known footballer. It was a father and son event. There was a talk and a barbecue designed to engender discussion and positive interaction.

A young man came up to me. I can still see his face: long black hair with a few curls, handsome and articulate and obviously thoughtful, probably about 17 years old.

I started a conversation and during our brief chat he shared the story of his relationship with his father with me. He said sadly, almost wistfully, “You know, my father has done all the parenting courses and read all the fatherhood books but he doesn’t spend any time with me”. He was not angry or bitter (to his credit), just sad. I could sense the deep mourning in his voice that he was trying to hide but it was there nevertheless.

Perhaps it was the memory of this young man’s haunting comment that filled my eyes with tears in the light of Mal White’s practical ‘do something’ approach to fathering. In my experience, if you don’t do something as a father you can end up being a ‘cloud without rain’ not to mention a huge disappointment to your son or daughter.

Reading Mal’s Chapter 8, ‘Be There’ brought home the vivid memory of a time I was not there for my daughter.

She was in Year 11 at school and singing one of her original songs (I found out later) at the school assembly. Parents were invited. From memory, my wife attended but I was too busy ‘saving the world’, or that was my excuse at the time.

Excuses are very easy to come by when you are a man, even going right back to Adam in the Garden of Eden and the story of eating the forbidden fruit: “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit and I ate it”.

So I had a really good excuse. I was busy saving the world that day so I missed out on hearing my daughter perform one of her original songs in front of her friends and school. I had heard her perform the same song in concerts all over the world when we travelled as a family band, but I had never heard her singing her own songs in front of her school and friends. I have few regrets, but this is one of them.

What I can state with absolute assurance is that you will not regret buying a copy of Mal White’s magnificent book on fathering called ‘Good Dads great Dads – footsteps worth following’. I can also guarantee you will be challenged and encouraged to do something with your children.

The beauty of Good Dads Great Dads is that it is short, and has lots of photos. I reckon you could read it in one hour, give or take a bit. As a father, that could well be the best hour of your life you have ever spent for your children’s sake. Reading Mal’s book will inspire you to do something, with and for your children. As a tall black man once said, “Just do it!”

I will let Tim Costello’s recommendation speak for itself:

“I thank Mal White for the gift he is offering with this incredibly thoughtful yet practical work. Mal has tapped into a deep well of reflection and wisdom. I know that many will find this book a valuable help in enhancing their journey towards becoming ‘great dads’.”

Lovework

I don’t do this very often, nor do I do it lightly. I believe every dad in Australia needs to get a copy of ‘Good Dads Great Dads’. Buy a copy of this book for yourself and buy five or ten to give away to your friends. You solve the challenge of buying presents for people and you help the children of Australia at the same time.

Yours for great dads

Warwick Marsh

Celebrating Fatherhood

Fresh inspiration for every dad!

I stood at the lectern and addressed a crowded room including a number of our national politicians. I spoke about the need to raise the profile of fatherhood in our nation as something to be aspired to and something we should celebrate in our country.

I also challenged our leaders to have the courage to ask the hard questions about our education system. If boys are slipping behind and our system is not really designed for boys, do we need to keep doing the same thing for another 100 years?

It was my first invitation to Parliament House to join with a collection of passionate men and women to champion the cause of Fatherhood and Male Health in Australia. It was an inspiring occasion that culminated with the launch of the public document “The Modern (Aussie) Man” researched and published by the M & C Saatchi marketing group.

I felt most honoured and am pleased that there is quite a bit of genuine interest in my book.

I had a dad tell me this morning that he has started scheduling father daughter dates with his primary aged daughter as suggested in my book. They have had their first date which included missing part of her school day. He was most pleased that he has begun this new family ritual.

A fellow champion for fatherhood, Dr. Bruce Robertson was recently awarded Western Australian of the year for his tireless work in schools encouraging dads to be highly involved in their children’s lives.

I had another man tell me that an 11 year old boy told him that he has faith in his dad. When asked why he has faith in his dad?, the boy simply said “cause my dad never lets me down.”

May we be the generation that never lets our children down.

Fatherhood is something to aspire to. Growing young lives that have been entrusted to us is the most honourable of life pursuits. Building life long relationships with our children is our greatest investment.

Are there things you could be doing more of with your children? May your role as father celebrated as one of the greatest achievements in your life.

A call to Fatherhood Excellence

Fathers, sons, dads and daughters, our family relationships are so critical to the effectiveness of our lives.

The mother’s influence in a child’s life and development is unquestioned. The dramatic influence of the father in a child’s life is only starting to be fully measured and understood. A men’s health worker I know stated in a national mens’ health conference call this week that from 30 years of working with troubled men, youth, prostitutes and drug addicted people the common theme in many of these broken lives was a father wound.

Men have a lot to answer for in this world. We men of the world need to realise the sanctity of life and treat our fellow-men, women and children with the greatest of dignity and respect. This week’s breakthrough in smashing another international child pornography ring involving many community leaders is wonderful news, but I found myself sitting at my desk numbed by the thought of the inhumane treatment of all these innocent children. A quote I heard recently that smacks me between the eyes is…

“Humans are the only species that claim there is a God and yet they are the only species that acts as if there is none.”

Many men struggle with loneliness, confusion, emptiness and isolation. Proof of this is the extremely high rate of male suicide around the globe and the high level of dysfunction in relationships.

Call me an idealist or just simple, but it is a personal conviction I have that if every dad took his role seriously and invested his time and love consistently in his relationship with his children the world would not suffer as much as it does because young men would know what it means to be men of quality and women would experience the love, tenderness and deep affection that men offer because their father has modelled it for them.

If we can truly love our children and give them our time and communicate with them, they will less likely grow up to be desperate, unfulfilled, empty, aggressive and depraved. 

This is a big call, but I include myself when I dish up this challenge that every man needs to be the absolute best father they possibly can be for their children.

If every dad in the world took this challenge on and become the father their children need him to be the next generation and others to follow may just have a chance of seeing a functional, caring world where people matter and love is the measure of how we treat each other.

This Tuesday is International Men’s day. I am privileged to be speaking in our nation’s Parliament House along with a number of other passionate people about Fatherhood and Male Health. I will be presenting my book, Good Dads GREAT DADS, which offers practical ways us men can be highly effective in our children’s lives together with fresh inspiration for men in their role as dads.

As you think about your own health and your role as dad, what conversations do you need to have and what fresh action do you need to take to step things up in your most valuable of relationships?  

 

A voice for the dads

Good dads GREAT DADS.

Fresh inspiration for fathers everywhere!

I started blogging about Fatherhood in July 2010 and started writing the book Good Dads GREAT DADS about six months later.

It was during the time I was unable to work due to chemotherapy treatment for this rude interruption to my life called Leukaemia.

Truth is, I did not know how long I had to live.

I had a passion to encourage other dads in their role as fathers because I have seen so many broken lives among children, teenagers and adults through my working life and I know that in many cases dad was either absent, disengaged, disapproving or just too busy for his children.

I was prompted by a series of confirmations to do this work of encouraging dads.

I am over the moon that dads around the world are buying my book and that thousands of people are dropping in to read some of my posts. The power of the internet has made it possible but it still astounds me.

It’s amazing what a little persistence  and belief can do.

Yesterday, much to my surprise, I received an invitation to attend a meeting at our Parliament house to meet with national politicians and a bunch influential people to discuss the future of Fatherhood and Men’s Health in our country. This will be a new experience for me and I feel extremely honoured to represent the fathers and men of our nation in this way. And I might add, a little daunted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warwick Marsh of the Fatherhood Foundation has invited me to take part. Check out the amazing work he has done for 12 years with dads, http://www.fatherhood.org.au/

What’s one thing you could differently this week to show your son/s or daughter/s how much you love them?

Warm regards,

Mal

 

Teenage turmoil

Fresh inspiration for dads everywhere.

Fatherhood is for many a magnificent experience. For others it is very painful. For some it is a combination of highs and lows.

For many a loving parent, the transitional years between childhood and adulthood can be the worst. Our darling child, that may have been compliant, thoughtful, caring and happy-go-lucky goes through a metamorphic change that lasts for years.

As their teenager changes body shape, outlook, behaviour and worst of all, their attitude we can be left wondering what happened to our beautiful child? What have we done to deserve this? Where did we go wrong?

For some children the transition is a very rocky road with much pain, self-doubt, self hate, anger and feelings of isolation and depression. For others it a fairly smooth ride. Some families have more than their share of pain, others seem to get off very lightly in this department.

I once heard a speaker say she wished she could lock her two sons in the freezer for a few years and let them out when the troubling teen years were passed.

Now that we are through our personal teenage ordeal I don’t mind admitting that we faced some very horrible situations with two of our children asking ourselves where we went wrong as well. Our sons have matured and we are greatly relieved, as some of the choices they made during the teenage years went right against our grain challenging our beliefs and values. Sometimes I even questioned whether I was worthy of writing a blog on Fatherhood.

A few tips from this dad blogger;

1. Invest heavily in your relationship before your children become teenagers so you have “credit in the relationship bank account” as you will draw down on it.

2. Keep your cool when dealing with your kids. Major on major issues and minor on the minors. Do not make mountains out of mole hills. This does not help the cause. Walk away and count to 10 before you blow your stack. You do not want to say anything that you will regret later. Words can never be retracted and can cause deep and lasting damage.

3. Show an interest in their pursuits right through the teenage years, show your interest in them and their life even if they are trying to block you out or not give you much in return. Remind yourself that this is just a phase and it will pass.

4. Talk in confidence with someone you trust to find mutual support and encouragement. Getting another person’s perspective can help you see the bigger picture and refresh you ability to cope.

5. Back off! Your children need to become their own unique adult self and may need to throw off your values and beliefs in the process of truly finding their own. This can be really disappointing at the time. But you cannot control them and reduce them to become mini versions of you. They are unique people that need to find their place in the world just as you did. Give them space within reasonable boundaries. Communicate these boundaries and why you put them in place, then respect them to find their way.

There are many good books to help you cope with parenting through the teenage years. Certain books will be available in your country. If you have not yet grabbed a copy of my book there are links on this website to direct you to where you can get a copy.

Be sure to like us on Facebook for more inspiration and promotion of events and resources coming your way.

If you are right in the midst of the challenging years, hang in there. Your adult relationship with your children will be well worth going through the pain of now.

Interactive dads

Encouraging good dads to be GREAT DADS!

Times are changing. Dads are being encouraged to me more involved in their children’s development. There have always been some dads that are naturally highly interactive with their children. They are intuitively wired to connect and engage with their kids.

Most of us dads need prompting to take on some of the responsibility of nurturing our children’s mental and emotional development. Play-fighting and wrestling come naturally to most of us. Teasing, cracking bad “dad” jokes and playing silly pranks on family members come naturally  to us as well.

Sitting down and helping our children with their reading or other homework usually have far less appeal. We’d rather leave that to their mother.

However new research has shown that whilst many dads these days do sit down and read bed time stories with their children, they are contributing to their children’s learning development through interactive games on tablets and PC’s.

There are many fantastic educational apps that make learning fun and dads find them engaging as well.

Another way that dads contribute to their children’s mental stimulation is by singing to them. More than half of the dads surveyed regularly sing to their children.

Traditional board games can give great, mental stimulation and educational development. Chess is the obvious leader in this area for developing strategic thinking, but Scrabble, Boggle, Uno and Monopoly all offer challenging opportunities to learn to spell count and strategize as well.

The main thing is that we as dads see the importance of our involvement in our children’s educational development through both fun and the more serious learning opportunities.

To see what some libraries are doing to encourage 10 minutes a day of dads reading and to see the one page article on the research results click on this link; http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/national/majority-of-south-australian-dads-share-in-traditional-bedtime-reading-with-their-children/story-fnii5yv8-1226726520852

Imagine…

Imagine a world where every dad spent lots of time with each of his children.

Imagine a world where every dad enthusiastically reads stories to their children every night.

Imagine a world where daddy did not have to go off to war and then not come home for 6 or 12 months, or worse.

Imagine a world where all dads took their family’s wellbeing far more seriously than they took their careers.

Imagine a world where dads taught their children to love and respect all people regardless of race, colour or creed.

Imagine a world where all men treated women and children with love, tenderness and the respect they deserve.

Imagine a world where dads told each of his children how proud he was of them and of their achievements.

Imagine a world where every dad hugged their kids and wrote notes or cards for their kids just to say “I love you.”

Imagine a world where dads had enough love to make time to give some to other children and families that did not have a dad.

Imagine a world where every man left his house each day with a desire to make the world a better place.

Imagine when he came home each night his family were so proud of the contribution he had made in the world.

Imagine a world where all men willingly shared their money and possessions to help others.

Imagine what atrocities would not be committed against fellow human beings.

Imagine a happier world with complete people, confident, brave, caring and compassionate because all dads everywhere started making a huge effort to build their children up and recognised their important role as parents.

Imagine a day that all media were only allowed to publish good news stories telling of how quality men do fatherhood really well, love and treat their wives wonderfully and give so much of themselves to make the world a better place.

I may not be able to change the world or create such beauty but if I can take my role as dad seriously and invest in my children and their wellbeing, and then they do likewise with their children, perhaps, just maybe, we can begin to make the world a better place for the many generations to come.

Wow, being great dads and being men of quality really could change the world.

What can I do differently or better starting today?

Dad as mentor

Inspiring dads everywhere!

My son has found his sporting passion in weight lifting. He has his sights set fairly high and certainly puts in the required commitment to get where he wants to go. As well as self belief and self discipline he has a secret weapon up his sleeve. An awesome mentor named Craig.

Craig represented and medalled for Australia in the Commonwealth games and after 20 years of competitive lifting has retired and turned his attention to coach a small group of aspiring lifters.

To see how Craig mentors his protegé is inspiring. He believes in them. He devotes two evenings a week of his own time to them. He is a role model for them in his own discipline as a personal training and fitness instructor. He knows what it takes to be a champion and he is willing to invest in the lives of others so they to can have their day in the sun.

As a dad you welcome the input of other quality men or women as mentors in your child’s life. You appreciate that their teacher, sports coach or other mentor figure adds to the foundation you have laid.

As dads we have so much wisdom collected through our life from relationships, friendships , business, different jobs and from books we have read. Also from seminars we have attended and from our travels and projects we have undertaken as well from people we have met. You could probably write a book on all your experiences and the wisdom you have accumulated.

In my book there is a chapter dedicated to imparting wisdom to our children. Among the many roles we have in our child’s life is the role of mentor. Seeing our children’s potential, believing in them and providing consistent wisdom and guidance is all part of the privilege of being a dad.

Never underestimate your own wisdom. Be wise about how and when you impart your wisdom. Remember that if you are spending regular time one on one with each of your children, opportunities for you to invest your wisdom through conversation will present themselves to you.

The Good Dads GREAT DADS book is being received by many dads in Australia tomorrow as part of their Father’s day gift. The book is being set up on channels around the world and will be available to you dads (and mothers) in the next week or two. They will be available in books shops before too long as well. You can order your book from your local bookstore. Or email us at gooddadsgreatdads@gmail.com for your copy.

“Like” the GDGD Facebook page to get all the updates on this.

Book launch

Inspiration for Dads!

Around the world Dads are becoming more aware that we need to be highly engaged in our children’s lives. Children need their dads to be involved. Children need dads that will show a genuine interest in their development and speak powerfully into their lives. Life is short and the years we have to invest in our children go very quickly and we need to seize the day.

You’ve read the blogs, now grab the book! Good Dads GREAT DADS is proud to announce the global launch of its first printed publication. An inspiring book for dads (and mothers) offering practical steps and real-life stories that show us why our role is so critical in the shaping of our children’s lives.

Here’s how you can get your hands on a copy for yourself or someone you care about.

Outer eastern Melbourne area you can buy Good dads GREAT DADS at Croydon South Post Office.

If in Australia (for Father’s day special ) email: gooddadsgreatdads@gmail.com

tell us your postal address and how many copies you want. $19.95 per copy.(I will pay your postage for this week only)

We will send you GDGD bank details for your deposit.

Worldwide. The book is being uploaded on multiple books sites this week such as Booktopia, Koorong and Kindle etc. For now Simply Like the Facebook page on right of screen as I will announce when these channels are live through the coming week.

Full colour interactive e-book is $6.99 available for all devices this week as well.

Please help me spread the word so lots of dads can benefit from the content in this book and children’s lives the world over will be all the richer.