Lara Krupicka's Blog, page 18

Why Do I Do This?

I made these cat pops for my daughter’s ninth birthday this year. See the end of the post for where you can learn how to make them too.

Three times a year I put myself through the finger-numbing task of creating and decorating my daughters’ birthday cakes and treats. It’s often a four- or five-hour process, during which my shoulders cramp up high around my ears as I hunch over my masterpiece. My tembles throb from the effort of concentration. And my hands spasm from overexertion. At about the three-quarters mark toward completing the task, when the aches and exhaustion rise to a fever-pitch, I question myself.

Why am I doing this? I think.

But I press on, piping row after row of buttercream stars or painstakingly dipping cake ball after cake ball in melted candy drops. My hands shake and the work becomes sloppy. I stop to rest, get a drink, massage my wrists.

“Why do I do this?” I ask, this time aloud. One of my daughters is passing through the kitchen and has stopped to admire my work.

“You know you say that every year,” she says. “So why do you do it if it bothers you so much?”

I pause, fingers locking back into their tight grip around the frosting bag. I swipe my free fingers through some dripped buttercream on the countertop and savor the sweetness as I think.

“It doesn’t bother me so much…” I say, my voice trailing off as I ponder the reasons for putting myself through the agony of the cake-decorating process.

My daughter raises an eyebrow. She’s overheard my mumbled grousing during the past hour as I’ve frosted and re-frosted one section of cake.

“Okay,” I say, answering her look. “It can be a pain. But it’s so worth it. I can’t imagine making you a plain cake or paying someone else to do it when I know how. It’s a way for me to show my love to you.”

Just then her younger sister sweeps into the kitchen and stops to look at her cake.

“Go away,” the elder says, shooing her from the room. “It’s supposed to be a surprise. For later. At your party.” She looks conspiratorily over her shoulder at me.

I shift my body around the kitchen island to shield the view of the cake as I work.

“She’s right,” I call out to my departing child. “Don’t look until it’s done.”

I turn back to the cake. It does look remarkable. All those little pointed stars crammed close together, hiding the cake beneath. Only a small square of velvety-brown cake remains visible. Almost done. It’s then I feel it – that rush of excitement over seeing the work come together. It will be… well, not breath-taking exactly. But it will be special.

And maybe that’s why I do it. Because all those little stars and all those hours of cramped fingers come together into something that reflects what the recipient is to me: special.

In fact, it’s why, as parents, we get up in the middle of the night for feedings and fevers. It’s why we sit on damp, chilly soccer fields, while our kids chase down the ball. It’s why, late at night in a dim living room, dozing upright in a hard chair, we wait for our teenager to return home.

Our kids are precious to us. And because of that they inspire us to take on tasks and chores and obligations that sometimes make us wonder what we were thinking. And I believe that the occasional sacrifice involved in parenting communicates a unique message of value to our kids. “You are worth this,” it says.

Why do I do this? Because my children matter to me. They’re worth the sleepless nights and chilled noses. They’re worth anxious waiting. They are worth hours of sore knuckles and stiff shoulders.

Why do I do this? Because I’m a mom whose knack at cake-decorating allows her to show her girls love in a unique way.

For instructions on how to make the cake pops pictured above check out Bakerella’s book, Cake Pops.

So tell me, dear reader, what is it that you keep doing for your kids even when you ask yourself why?

Celebrating a New Book

I’m so excited for my friend, Sharla Fritz. I’ve had the privilege of seeing her new book, Bless These Lips, come together chapter by chapter in our local writer’s group. This week she’s been celebrating the launch of the book (with a fun giveaway – check out the details below) and today is my turn to host her here. But before we talk to Sharla, I want to tell you why I think you should read her book:

New from Concordia Press, Bless These Lips

Do you ever say something and then wish you could take it back? Or maybe you don’t realize what you’re saying or how it’s being taken until later – and then it’s too late. Do you wish you could think of an encouraging thing to say more often? That’s where Sharla’s book can help. She gently offers instruction – from her life and from the Bible – on how to have a winning way with your words. I’ll let Sharla tell you more, but from my perspective, Bless These Lips is a great daily tool for getting a better handle on what comes out of your mouth.

To win a great prize package leave a comment at the main launch host site:  http://www.cindybultema.com/ (you can leave a comment here too, it just won’t be entered for the prize).

The prize package includes:

a signed copy of Bless These Lips
a pretty cosmetic bag with lip balm, lip liner, and lipstick
a handmade bookmark
a $15 Amazon gift card
a framed print of a quote from the book “God has given you a unique mission to speak His words of love and grace to a lost and discouraged world.”

Let’s talk to Sharla and learn more about her and her new book:

1)      Why did God prompt you to write this book?

I began writing Bless These Lips because I was the one who needed a Mouth Makeover! I always seemed to be putting my foot in my mouth and I was tired of the steady diet of sock lint and shoe leather. I wanted my words to be the kind that built other people up, but instead I often used ones that tore them down.

So I studied what the Bible had to say about our words and read other books about interpersonal communication. I learned so much and decided to share how each of us can make a difference in our worlds through what we say.

2)      In your own words, what is a “mouth makeover?”

A mouth makeover could be a visit to the cosmetics counter where you walk away with multiple layers of lip liner, lipstick, and lip gloss. You’ll look fabulous for awhile, but that mouth makeover only lasts until your next cup of coffee.

A true mouth makeover is a transformation of your speech. This Mouth Makeover begins with God’s grace and forgiveness as He scrubs off the guilt of our harmful words. The makeover continues with the use of the Lip Balm of Encouragement, the Lip Liner of Truth, and the Lip Gloss of Thankfulness. This type of mouth makeover can last eternally as God enables us to use our words to share His grace.

3)      I think everyone can relate to struggling with what come out of their mouths. How could doing this study help?

How true! As women we love to talk—and so our mouths often get us into trouble! Ann Landers has a great quote, “The trouble with talking too fast is that you may something you haven’t thought of yet.”

Recognizing our love of words, this study approaches the topic with a sense of humor and combines it with fun lip product analogies. First you’ll assess whether you’ve been wearing the shades of Motormouth Mocha or Foot-in-Mouth Fuchsia too often. As you go through the study you’ll learn to wear the Shade of Grace and the Lip Sealer of Discretion more consistently.

4)      Who will take the most away from this book?

I think anyone who wants to have more control over her words and anyone who wants to make a difference in her world would benefit from this book.

Often we think we need to do something monumental to change our world. But while I was pursuing my own Mouth Makeover, God showed me that I can make a difference by simply noticing hurting people in my life and offering words of kindness and encouragement. We can all change the lives we touch every day by simply providing a caring word or a listening ear.

5)      What one thing should potential readers know about this book?

The most important message I would like readers to take away from this book is: God has given each of us a unique mission to speak His words of love and grace to a lost and discouraged world.

We may sometimes question the purpose of our lives, but God has placed each one of us in a strategic place in time and space to be able to use our words to bring others closer to Him. When I keep that in mind, it changes my heart and what comes out of my mouth.

6)      Tell everyone a little more about yourself.

I’m a Christian speaker and author who loves to communicate the truth of God’s transforming grace. My first book Divine Design leads women to a spiritual makeover.

My friend, author Sharla Fritz

I live in the Chicago suburbs with my amazing, amusing husband. Together we shared the adventure of homeschooling for 15 years with our two children. They are all grown up now and live an average of 3500 miles away. Our son lives nearby, but our daughter and her husband live in China (and they had the audacity to take our grandchildren with them!)

In my other life I am a church musician and piano teacher. I love traveling (especially to China!), going out to lunch with friends, and reading. If I’m not sitting at the piano or my computer you might find me at the thrift store stalking fabulous fashion finds.

6)      Anything else you’d like to share about this book?

This book shares stories of my own struggles with my mouth, but it is also an in-depth Bible study. When I began my quest for a Mouth Makeover I was amazed at how much God had to say on the subject. In the book of Proverbs alone there are 108 verses on our lips, mouths, and tongues! God thinks our words are important.

Bless These Lips

Oops. A mouth mishap. The words just slipped out, and there is no taking them back.

Words are powerful. They can build up or tear down. They can affirm and teach or criticize and condemn.

By God’s grace, a mouth makeover can improve our relationships and affect our attitude toward life. Our words can enrich our connection to God as we spend more time in prayer and praise. Most important, God desires that we use the gift of speech to give Him praise, encourage others, and verbalize our faith in Christ as Lord and Savior.

Bless These Lips: 40 Days of Spiritual Renewal examines things we say that get in the way of our relationships with God and with others. Each chapter draws on lip product analogies and uses humor, anecdotes, and observations to introduce Scripture passages that address common behaviors and attitudes. And each day’s reading includes Bible study questions and suggestions for personal reflection.

Bless These Lips is divided into eight weeks of study with each week having five days of readings and Bible study questions. It can be used for individual study, but would be even more fun to do with a group of gabby girlfriends!

7)      Tell everyone a little more about yourself.

I’m a Christian speaker and author who loves to communicate the truth of God’s transforming grace. My first book Divine Design leads women to a spiritual makeover.

I live in the Chicago suburbs with my amazing, amusing husband. Together we shared the adventure of homeschooling for 15 years with our two children. They are all grown up now and live an average of 3500 miles away. Our son lives nearby, but our daughter and her husband live in China (and they had the audacity to take our grandchildren with them!)

In my other life I am a church musician and piano teacher. I love traveling (especially to China!), going out to lunch with friends, and reading. If I’m not sitting at the piano or my computer you might find me at the thrift store stalking fabulous fashion finds.

You can connect with Sharla at:

Website: www.sharlafritz.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sharlafritzauthor

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SharlaFritz

Remember to go leave a comment at http://www.cindybultema.com/ to be entered in the giveaway.

 

How to Be a Milk-&-Hot-Cookies Mom

Let’s face it: being a mom takes a lot of work. Being a great mom takes even more. Or so we think…

What if being a great mom wasn’t so tough after all? I think sometimes we make it harder on ourselves by creating this image in our minds of the perfect mom. And then we beat ourselves up for not matching it.

Enough already! It’s time to go gentler on our selves. And it’s time to embrace those life hacks that allow us to pull off some “great mom” moments without a lot of fuss. Because we all know there are enough “bad mom moments” in all of our lives that we could use a few great ones to even out the score (since we all know we’re counting, even if our kids aren’t).

Want to welcome your kids home from school with a glass of milk and some fresh hot cookies? Yeah, right. Who’s got the time for that? you’re thinking. You do, when you keep the end in sight and not the means.

Last week I snatched my opportunity to be that mom. My eldest daughter had mixed up some chocolate chip cookie dough over the weekend (we won’t talk about what I was letting everyone do with that batter as it sat in our fridge for the next couple of days, but let’s just say it involved a spoon and the risk of salmonella. What can I say? I’m a sucker for chocolate chip cookie dough). My girls happened to have staggered return times due to different school schedules and after school activities. So a few minutes before each one returned home I popped a couple of spoonfuls of cookie dough into our toaster oven, set it to bake, and voila! Fresh baked cookies and milk for an after school snack.

As each girl munched on warm cookies, I chose that moment to sit with her and catch up on her day. We chatted briefly and then each went on to do their homework.

All told I spent about a half hour in the kitchen that afternoon. The cost to me was minimal, but the return in terms of relationship building (and points for “mom-of-the-year”) was priceless.

You can do this too. During down time, whether mid day, in the evening, or on the weekend, mix up some cookie dough. Then refrigerate a portion (hide in the back of the fridge if you don’t want it eaten raw) and roll the rest up on plastic wrap, tuck in a storage bag and store in your freezer for the future. Then pick an afternoon to bake up individual portions in your toaster oven (or conventional oven). Serve to an eager child just after school gets out. And enjoy your moment as the dream mom! Who knew it could be so easy?

Have any other life hacks for moms you’d like to share? Tell us about them in the comments (we could all use more “great mom moments”).

Reclaiming Time for What You Want To Do Most

Years and years ago I read an excellent little book (more like a booklet) called The Tyranny of the Urgent. This was in the days before cell phones, email and text messaging. I remember being struck then by its simple message about how we should stop diverting our attention from the important to take care of the urgent, but now I think it’s one that could possibly be a lifesaver.

If you struggle with always feeling behind…

If you feel like there’s more to get done than time in the day…

If you multi-task all day and still can’t keep up…

I have a solution for you. And it relates to the message of that book. It’s simply this:

Stop giving your attention to the seemingly urgent and start respecting what’s important to you.

Here’s what I see happening in our culture where we allow people constant access to us through cell phones, email and text messaging: we stop respecting our priorities.

When your phone rings do you jump up to answer it as long as it’s physically possible?

When the incoming text-message signal sounds, do you immediately check to read it?

When your inbox alerts you to a new email, do you open it?

If you’re like the average person who receives 10 to 40 text messages and 12 phone calls every day, that means you’re allowing others to interrupt you 22 to 52 times every single day (not to mention interruptions from the dozens of emails you’re likely to pause for). And probably only two or three of those each week are truly urgent.

The thing is, it’s not like we all plan to be interrupted all the time. I’m sure almost every mom would prefer to go through her day checking things off her “to do” list one by one. But without a plan in place to protect our time, we fail.

Why not create your own “policy” related to your availability to others? Establish times and occasions for when you’ll respond to others reaching out to you. For example: if you’d like to have uninterrupted family time during dinner three nights (or more) a week, set a policy of not answering any phones during that time. Institute a “no phones at the table” rule for those nights and have everyone deposit their phone in a container during that time.

Set another policy for email – then communicate it to others to get yourself off the hook for feeling beholden to answering every one immediately. Tell those who contact you regularly something like, “Please understand I will be checking emails between x time and y time each day. I may not be able to get back to you that day, but will do my best to respond within x amount of time.” You decide the time frames. You control the access.

Create a similar policy for text messages, saying something like, “During the hours of x and y, I won’t always be available to respond to text messages. I will do my best to get back to you within a few hours. If you have an urgent need, please leave a message on my house phone (or whatever mode you choose as your emergency contact).”

Then follow your policies – not to be a dictator over anyone, but to provide freedom for yourself. Most importantly: use that freedom to attend to those things that are important to you.

By setting and following a few simple policies, you can overcome the “tyranny of the urgent” and begin having the time to accomplish those things you value most.

Photo credit: “Chained” by Colin-47 (Creative Commons)

A New School Year & The Dreaded “H” Word

Yesterday my children started school. And they arrived home with homework… for me. I always forget this is coming. So many forms for me to complete, even after all we filled out already at registration. There’s the personal inventory of my child’s personality and academic/social strengths and weaknesses (which I keep swearing I’ll photocopy to reuse the following year and never do), the behavior/discipline standards, the school directory forms, and the homework policy agreements.

Photo Credit: Cesar Astudillo (Creative Commons)

My kids think it’s funny that the first round of homework is mine. But the beauty of it to me is that it provides an opening for tackling the topic of homework. It’s on all of our minds, but it’s not yet a source of stress.

Think about it: before school starts and the first week of school make good times to address the matter of homework because it’s only a memory and not yet a reality. And teachers are communicating expectations to give you a framework for discussion. With that in mind, here are a few tips for mining this rich opportunity to get a fix on homework:

Find a time where you and your child can relax and talk, undistracted. Fix a plate of snacks and sit together just the two of you (or three, if you’d like to involve the other parent). Then start by asking your child for their thoughts about homework: what worked well last year, what caused them the most anxiety, what are their hopes for this year. Ask if they have any opinions on when they work best and what environment is most conducive for them getting work done. Then share your observations.

The goal of this chat should be to create a preliminary homework plan. You decide how much input your child will have, based on their age and level of maturity. Once you’ve established a plan, agree to revisit it once the school year is under way.

For more tips and ideas from experts and real moms, check out my article, “Halt the Homework Hassles” in this month’s issue of Treasure Coast Parenting (you’ll find it on page 64).

In the meantime, why not share what’s worked for your family in the homework arena? I look forward to hearing your comments.

15-Minute Wealth

Photo Credit: kojotomoto (Creative Commons)

What would you do with 15 spare minutes? Would you go on Facebook and see what your friends are up to? Check email and read through all the ads? Fold a load of laundry?  Vacuum? Weed the garden?

The possibilities of how to spend 15 minutes are endless. And that’s the problem we face every day. We have 96 opportunities every day to choose how to spend 15 minutes. But we often find more than 96 options in front of us. So we say we don’t have enough time.

Recently I’ve found what I mean when I say I don’t have enough time is that I haven’t taken time today for what I most wanted to do. I’ve made choices for those 96 slots that don’t reflect what’s important to me. Instead I’ve done what was urgent or what others wanted or needed me to do. Or what I thought others would want me to do.

I didn’t do what I most desired to do.

How do I know this is the case? I know because on the days where I take even 15 minutes to do one thing that matters, I feel okay about the other 95 times I haven’t. But when I neglect the one thing, I feel robbed. It leaves my spirit impoverished.

It’s easy to say I’m too busy. And it may seem so. When I account for the non-negotiables, my 96 open slots begin to fill quickly. Sleep should take at least 24 slots at a minimum. Which leaves me with 72. I need to eat three times a day and take care of basic hygiene. That can account for a minimum of 8 to 10 more, so I’m down to 62. Then there are the basics of caring for my family – knock off at least 12 more. Only 50 left.

But wait, it seems like I have so little time and yet I have 50 chances to take 15 minutes for what matters. Why then is it so hard? It’s because I’ve made choices and commitments 50 times (or fewer, if I offer up larger chunks of time).

Time is the global equalizer. We all have the same amount each day – no more, no less. But some are richer in time than others because of how they choose to spend it.

Today I am rich because I’m choosing to spent time in valuable ways – 15 minutes at a time. Today I’ve cuddled a child, worked on a puzzle, written this blog post. And I plan to spend 15 minutes writing a note to encourage a friend. The rest of my 96 slots will likely disappear to the regular duties of the day – laundry, errands, email. But since I’ve allocated and spent some of them on these important things, the other times won’t be wasted.

How about you? What valuable pursuits get pushed aside for the disposable duties and demands of your life? What can you avoid or leave undone to free up 15 minutes? And what will you do with that precious 15-minute slot?

 

Photo credit: “Clock” by kojotomoto on Flickr made available under CC license

Sharing Mother’s Day – An Obligation or Celebration?

For moms, Mother’s Day can be laden with expectation. We expect to be pampered and coddled – breakfast in bed, a trip to the spa, dinner at a fancy restaurant. But what we don’t expect is to be lost in all the craziness of family obligations. Yet for some women with family living nearby (or within a few hours’ drive), or for moms with blended families, Mother’s Day can become anything but a day of pampering.

If this is you and you’re already dreading the second Sunday in May, let me give you a few tips that can help you survive (and possibly find celebration):

•    Recognize your expectations. If every year your family follows the same disappointing script, recognize what’s not working about it for you. If you’re hoping for breakfast in bed, but that never happens because your mother-in-law insists on a family brunch, note what it is that you miss. Maybe it’s sleeping in. Or maybe it’s alone time snuggled in bed with your kids. Take time to parse out the underlying needs or emotions.

•    Share your desires. Perhaps your husband would be willing to initiate changes on your behalf but he doesn’t know what you want. Tell him. Give him the opportunity to please you.

•    Reframe your concept of Mother’s Day. Maybe your family won’t budge. Sometimes tradition is tradition and there’s no changing. Instead of thinking of what you wish Mother’s Day would be, accept it for what it is – a day to honor the generation of mothers ahead of you, or a day for your stepkids to honor their mom.

•    Grieve the loss. If you know you’ll never get the Mother’s Day you crave, acknowledge your sadness. Mourn for what you’re missing. Mourn and then move on.

•    Start your own tradition. So Mother’s Day isn’t about you. How about asking your husband and children to honor you on a different day. Call it “Mom’s Day” and tell them how you’d like to celebrate. Then put that day on the calendar. Ask your kids to intentionally hold back any gifts or celebration for you on the second Sunday in May so that special your day gets it all.

Observing special days doesn’t always happen perfectly. But taking the opportunity in advance to decide how we’re going to view the day can go a long way to improving our experience. If you’re a mom faced with recognizing someone else’s Mother’s Day instead of your own, think about what you’ll do to make this year different. You may find the result to be something worth celebrating!

 

Choice as an Action, Not a Reaction

Photo Credit: Ian Sane (Creative Commons)

I read an excellent guest post by Mary DeMuth today over on Michael Hyatt’s blog. In it she talks about being motivated by fear (stemming often from our past) versus being motivated by a future-facing goal. I find a lot of wisdom in her words. You can read what she said here.

How about you? Have you made a decision that you’re finding you can’t sustain? Consider your frame of mind in making the decision. If it’s still a worthwhile pursuit, maybe all you need to do is reframe your focus for that decision. Face the future with it and decide again that it’s an action worth taking. Remove it from being a reaction and see if it gives you a renewed sense of purpose.

Treasure and Valentine’s Day

The other day one of my daughters asked me what my husband and I would be doing for Valentine’s Day. I gave her a blank look. Frankly I hadn’t thought about it yet. And even more frankly, we haven’t ever really made a big

Photo credit: Simon Kendrick (Creative Commons)

deal out of celebrating Valentine’s Day. Which got me thinking about why we don’t and how we could do better. We don’t mostly out of objection for the consumer culture that has arisen around it. Valentine’s Day these days seems to be more about cards and candy and flowers and jewelry than it does about actually showing love. It means going out for a special dinner and giving (and receiving) fancy gifts. All of that is supposed to convey to our beloved how we feel. And guess what? For some people it does just that.

But if you know me, you know my strongest objection to culturally prescribed events such as Valentine’s Day is the sense of obligation that comes with them. We’re left to wonder if all those gifts and flowers were given on February 14th just because of the date on the calendar. So how do we overcome this? By conveying to those we love what we treasure about them. Tell them what makes them special to us – and not just the things they do for us that we appreciate, but what it is about who they are that makes them valuable to us. Whether we speak it aloud, write it in a card, convey it through a hug, or ladle it into a meal – our intentions on Valentine’s Day (and perhaps everyday) should be to think of and communicate to our beloved what a treasure they are to us.

You’ll be amazed at how focusing on the aspect of “treasuring” someone will ramp up your expression of love. After all, Jesus said it Himself (in this case referring to our love of God over material things): “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Treasure God first. Then remember what it is about others that makes you treasure them. You’ll be sure to have your heart in the right place this Valentine’s Day!