The Highly Sensitive Person Quotes

“In the first twenty years we are given our curriculum. In the next twenty we study it.” For some of us that curriculum is the equivalent of graduate study at Oxford!”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“One general rule is that when we have no control over stimulation, it is more upsetting, even more so if we feel we are someone’s victim.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Often we can get used to stimulation. But sometimes we think we have and aren’t being bothered, but suddenly feel exhausted and realize why: We have been putting up with something at a conscious level while it was actually wearing us down. Even a moderate and familiar stimulation, like a day at work, can cause an HSP to need quiet by evening. At that point, one more “small” stimulation can be the last straw.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“This greater awareness of the subtle tends to make you more intuitive, which simply means picking up and working through information in a semiconscious or unconscious way. The result is that you often “just know” without realizing how.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“You are also bothered by things others may hardly notice, such as the sound of children chewing with their mouth open, jangling keys in your partner’s pocket, or a bit of a whine added to a request.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Typically, HSPs are highly conscientious, loyal, vigilant about quality, good with details, intuitive visionaries, often gifted, thoughtful of the needs of clients or customers, and good influences on the social climate of the workplace. In short, they are ideal employees. Every organization needs some.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“My favorite line from Captain Picard of Star Trek: The Next Generation is, "I have made some fine mistakes in my life." It is so humble, wise, and self-confident, all at once.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“when I am too withdrawn, I would like to stay home for the rest of my life. But it is self-destructive. So I go out to meet the rest of the world, then come back to incorporate them. Creative people need time without people. But they can’t go too long. When you retreat, you lose your sense of reality, your adaptability.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“If the relationship has been a source of comfort, it also deserves your seeing that it continue to be a source of satisfying self-expansion.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“The major difference shows up when these monkeys are highly stressed (overaroused) for a long time. Then, compared to other monkeys, these more reactive monkeys seem anxious, depressed, and compulsive. If repeatedly upset, they show these behaviors more often, and at this point their neurotransmitters decrease. These behaviors and physical changes also show up in any monkey traumatized in childhood by being separated from its mother. Interestingly when first traumatized, what increases are the stress hormones like cortisol. But again, with time, especially with other stressors, like being isolated, the serotonin levels decline. Then the monkeys are permanently more reactive. The point to be realized from these two studies is that what creates the problem is chronic overarousal or stress or trauma in childhood—not the inherited trait. We saw the same point in chapter 2. Sensitive children experience more brief moments of arousal, with its increased adrenaline, but they’re fine if feeling secure. But when a sensitive child is insecure (or when any child is), short-term arousal turns to long-term arousal, with its increased cortisol. Eventually, serotonin is used up, too (according to the studies with monkeys). This research is important for HSPs. It makes very concrete why we need to avoid chronic overarousal. If our childhood programmed us to be threatened by everything, then we must do the inner work, usually in therapy, that will change that programming even if it takes years. Kramer cites evidence that a permanent susceptibility to overarousal and depression can develop and real harm can be done if serotonin levels are not returned to normal. So we want to stay secure, rested, and serotonin-strong. This keeps us ready to enjoy our trait’s advantages, the appreciation of the subtle. It means that the inevitable moments of overarousal do not lead to increased cortisol over days and decreased serotonin over months and years. If we have blown it, then we can still correct the situation. But it takes time, and we may want to use medication for a while to help make this correction.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Here’s a list of some purely physical strategies: • Get out of the situation! • Close your eyes to shut out some of the stimulation. • Take frequent breaks. • Go out-of-doors. • Use water to take the stress away. • Take a walk. • Calm your breathing. • Adjust your posture to be more relaxed and confident. • Move! • Smile softly.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Of course, it is also good to have quite a few in a group who are not so alert to all the dangers and consequences of every action. They will rush out without a whole lot of thought to explore every new thing or fight for the group or territory. Every society needs both. And maybe there is a need for more of the less sensitive because more of them tend to get killed! This is all speculation, of course.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Once we do notice arousal, we want to name it and know its source in order to recognize danger. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Usted nació para estar entre los consejeros y los pensadores, entre los líderes espirituales y morales de su sociedad. Tiene todos los motivos para sentirse orgulloso.”
― Elaine N. Aron, El don de la sensibilidad: Las personas altamente sensibles

“Psychotherapy in its broadest sense is a collection of paths toward wisdom and wholeness.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Real redemption or enlightenment, as much as it can be achieved in this world, comes through hard work that does not skirt through personal issues.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Anything done to the body will change the mind. We expect this to be the case with drugs specifically designed for that purpose. But we forget that our brain and therefore our thoughts can also be changed by sleep, exercise, nutrition, environment and the state of our sexual hormones, to name a few factors we can often control ourselves. It is equally true that anything done to the mind will also change the body - meditation, telling our troubles to a friend, or even just writing them down.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Like the fire department, we HSPs mostly respond to false alarms. But if our sensitivity saves a life even once, it is a trait that has a genetic payoff. So, yes, when our trait leads to overarousal, it is a nuisance. But it is part of a package deal with many advantages.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“In chapter 6 I described what Jungian psychologists call the individuation process, the process of following one’s path in life, learning to listen to one’s inner voices. Another aspect of that process is listening specifically to those voices or parts of ourselves which we have shunned, despised, ignored, or denied. These “shadow” parts, as Jungians call them, are always needed in order to become a strong, whole person, even if we live half our lives as though knowing about them would kill us.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“There is an emotion many HSPs seem to have that cannot be regulated away by the better attitudes discussed above. That is the depression that occurs when there is less sun, in winter or areas prone to clouds or rain.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“HSPs have evolved so that we especially relish a good outcome and figure out more than others how to make it happen. I imagine that we can plan an especially good birthday celebration, anticipating the happiness it will bring.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“A study of highly sensitive parents found that they were more affected by the level of chaos in their homes than those lacking their degree of sensitivity. Interestingly, the ratings of observers who came to each home agreed with the sensitive parents, while the less sensitive parents were apparently not experiencing the chaos as much. Maybe they were fortunate, but they were also not as able to see objectively the nature of their environment.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“If you are going to notice every little thing in a situation, and if the situation is complicated (many things to remember), intense (noisy, cluttered, etc.), or goes on too long (a two-hour commute), it seems obvious that you will also have to wear out sooner from having to process so much so thoroughly. Others, not noticing much or any of what you have, will not tire as quickly. They may even think it quite strange that you find it too much to sightsee all day and go to a nightclub that night. They might talk blithely on when you need them to be quiet a moment so that you can have some time just to think, or they might enjoy an “energetic” restaurant or a party when you can hardly bear the noise. Indeed this is often the behavior we and others have noticed most—that HSPs are easily stressed by overstimulation”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“In short, high sensitivity, or responsivity, as these biologists also called it, involves paying more attention to details than others do, then using that knowledge to make better predictions in the future. Sometimes you are better off doing so; other times it is a waste of energy or worse. What if events now have nothing to do with your past experiences? Suppose you are at the horse races and the first two races are won by horses with jockeys wearing red silks. Of course you are one of the few to notice. Would you bet on red silks in the third race or, if that fails, do it in the fourth? Your subtle red-silk strategy could be a costly mistake. Further, when a past experience was very bad, an HSP can overgeneralize and avoid or feel anxious in too many situations, just because the new ones resemble in some small way the past bad one. The biggest cost to us of being highly sensitive, however, is that our nervous systems can only take in so much. Everyone has a limit as to how much information or stimulation can be absorbed before one becomes overloaded, overstimulated, over-aroused, overwhelmed, and just over! We simply reach that point sooner than others.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“One of the most fascinating studies of differential susceptibility took place in a refugee camp in Syria. The researchers measured by self-report the level of war trauma in 579 children, the level of their sensitivity, and the level of functioning of their family before the war. Surprisingly, HSCs (highly sensitive children) with bad childhoods were less traumatized by their experiences in war zones than those who were not HSCs, and amazingly, HSCs with poor childhoods were also less distressed than HSCs with good childhoods.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“HSPs with a troubled childhood are more at risk of becoming depressed, anxious, and shy than those with a similar childhood who are not highly sensitive. But HSPs with good-enough childhoods were no more at risk than others. Another study the same year by Miriam Liss and others found the same result, mainly for depression.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Would you rather be a happy pig or an unhappy human?”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Survive and Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Couples in the better relationships understand the perpetual problems differently; they dialogue about them rather than fighting over them.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

“love is a force in human psychology that never disappears.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

“It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted in a nervous-system sort of way.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You