Do you have a keen imagination and vivid dreams? Is time alone each day as essential to you as food and water? Are you "too shy" or "too sensitive" according to others? Do noise and confusion quickly overwhelm you? If your answers are yes, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
Most of us feel overstimulated every once in a while, but for the HSP, it's a way of life. In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Elaine Aron, a clinical psychologist, workshop leader, and an HSP herself, shows you how to identify this trait in yourself and make the most of it in everyday situations. Drawing on her many years of research and hundreds of interviews, she shows how you can better understand yourself and your trait to create a fuller, richer life.
It's a godsend. So nice to know why I am the way I am after a lifetime of "loved ones" telling me I needed to be less shy, have more confidence (that's real doable when someone constantly criticizes your inborn characteristics), be more outgoing, worry less, am too thin-skinned, take everything personally (duh, I do take it personally when I'm being attacked), and my favorite, "You are just like your father!". I am just like my father, it's an inherited trait and he's one of my favorite people. Also nice to know why I'm irritable when I'm too hot or too cold, my bangs are in my eyes, socks are too tight, how I know right away if I will get along with someone the first time we speak, why I never answer the phone and avoid speaking on the phone, why I mistrust and question religion and authority figures, and strangely enough why Benedryl not only makes me tired but paranoid and moody. Weird. But at least now I know that I am not. So liberating!!
I've held off on writing this review because I struggle to find the words to describe how powerful reading this book was. Never has an author reframed such a deep and intrinsic part of myself that I've often felt insecure about into what now feels like one of the most substantial pieces of my being. This book made me stop hiding my sensitivity away from the world and, most importantly, myself. It halted many of the internal "suck it up" and "don't be so sensitive" mental loops I've been stuck on for years and instead allowed me to feel a sense of permission to own and explore the things I notice in everyday life and am so sensitive to. It helped me better understand my relationships with other people, society, and myself, and pointed with a more defined focus to a life purpose I've always felt drawn towards but was missing the ingredient of my sensitivity. It worked through many initial imprints left by parents and care-takers and ultimately left me feeling a lot less alienated and crazy. If you know you're a sensitive being and sometimes feel a sense of uncomfortable force and harshness behind many of the motivational books you read, this book is for you. While most of the world thrives on this "life is tough and so are you" archetype, there is also a significant portion of the population whose deep programming thrives upon "life is tough, but you see through."
First the good: Aron is at her best when she is helping the reader assess real world challenges and come up with concrete solutions. What do you do when your job overwhelms you? How do you work it out with your spouse or friends when activities they find exciting just overwhelm and overstimulate you? That's good stuff, and I think if you're aware that your personal tendencies are causing you to be stuck in unpleasant or untenable situations, this is definitely a helpful book. It will also be helpful for those who need reassuring that there are other people out there who have the same tendencies and sensitivities. I personally found the chapters on children to be good reading, because many of the traits she described fit me to a T as a child, and it's nice to think of myself as having been something other than a scaredy-kid.
There's a lot here I disliked or felt ambiguous about, however. Aron's writing style makes me grind my teeth (NO ONE should use "alas" that often, particularly not in nonfiction). I'm also still not crazy about the label "Highly Sensitive Person"; I know there are positive connotations to sensitivity, but every time I read Hightly Sensitive Person my mind sort of replaced it with Delicate Flower, which is the opposite of Aron's intent. That might be my own fault, though, based on years of people saying, "Why are you so SENSITIVE?" Additionally, while I appreciated Aron's forays into the possible biological causes of these physical and mental traits, at best the discussion lacks nuance, and at worst she just gets her facts wrong. I felt, reading the brief sections on medication and biology, that she might have been better off leaving out these sections entirely, since her ambiguity comes through really strongly.
I'm not really sure how to rate this book (so I won't in terms of a star rating). It's not really what I expected. It’s more of how to get over the stigma of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) which, personally, I've already done. Where the book sort of let me down is that there are a lot of medical reasons - not just depression (which the author does go into in medical terms) - that can cause someone to be HS. A few that I know (because I have them) are:
*Pernicious Anemia – some symptoms are: -Sensitivity to noise, smell, etc. -Startling easily -Anxiety, or panic attacks.
*Low B-12 levels: Low B-12 is not synonymous with Pernicious Anemia, but the symptoms are the same since PA leads to low B-12.
*Low Magnesium – some symptoms are: -Startling easily -Being uptight (causes muscles to be very tense where they simply cannot relax)
*Hyperthyroidism (I’m actually hypothyroid, not hyperthyroid, but I’ve gone hyper with improper dosing): -Heart palpitations -Anxiety / nervousness -Racing heart
*Low-functioning adrenal glands – some symptoms/characteristics are: -General depression and anxiety -Startling easily -Emotions near the surface, crying easily, etc. -Feeling overwhelmed or “frazzled” -Internal shakiness -Usually “intuitive” people -Physically affected by others’ moods
…I could go on and on with this last one. Poor adrenal function results in low cortisol levels, and cortisol is the hormone which allows people to adapt to stress. If you don’t have enough cortisol you will definitely be “sensitive” to nearly everything in your environment!
Overall, I am not saying this wasn’t a good book; on the contrary. I think it does a lot in terms of general awareness. For anyone just coming to terms with this “affliction” it could be a real eye-opener. I think this book will help people to see that being a HSP is, not necessarily all bad, in fact we have many good traits as a result of it. But being HS can definitely make things more difficult in certain areas of our lives. Understanding this, and understanding your personal needs and limitations, are some of the first keys to wellness.
EDIT 05/06/2015: Since this review I was diagnosed with Late-Stage (chronic) Lyme disease (Sept '09). All these other issues were as a direct result of having that infection, plus 2 other tick-borne [co-] infections (babesia and bartonella). I network with a lot of patients and I'd say at least 95% of them complain of some sort of anxiety or panic disorder.
For more info on Lyme disease see comments below, or message me. My "Lyme" shelf here also contains many books. One of the very best I've read is Cure Known: Inside the Lyme Epidemic. I can also highly recommend Horwitz' Why Can't I Get Better: Solving the Mystery of Lyme and Chronic Disease. Though I have yet to fully read the latter, Dr. Horowitz is a very trusted doctor in this field and has treated more than 13,000 Lyme patients. The only reason I have not read his book in full is because after nearly 4 years in treatment I have already learned much of it through my doctor who has worked with him.
Thankful that this book exists to support those who have always felt more sensitive to the world around them. Though I enjoy a party every now and then, I do prefer one-on-one conversations and time spent reading books and listening to Ariana Grande. With the popularity of books like Quiet by Susan Cain, society has started to warm up to those who desire time alone and those who get aroused faster by external stimuli. Still, Elaine Aron's The Highly Sensitive Person contributes to our understanding of sensitive people by shedding light on our relationships, our work lives, and how we can thrive in the world around us.
I appreciate how Aron frames sensitivity as a trait that carries both strengths and weaknesses, as any facet of an individual does. She provides helpful tools to highly sensitive people on how to maximize the assets of sensitivity as well as strategies to cope with its challenges. She discusses how friends and family can interact with sensitive people in understanding ways, such as by not overreacting if a sensitive person asks for time alone or declines an invitation to a large gathering. While I felt that her tone came across as a little condescending to sensitive people at times, for the most part Aron did an amazing job of accepting and celebrating a trait so often dismissed by society.
I most loved Aron's emphasis on how we should avoid both pathologizing sensitivity and erasing it with medication. Though the book felt outdated in some parts - such as by not including therapies like DBT - Aron makes relevant connections between various fields like psychology and gender studies. Overall, recommended to those who might identify as a highly sensitive person, or to those who want to understand us better. I think we all carry some sensitivity within us, and we can all work to cultivate it to our advantage.
If you have ever felt like life is too overwhelming and all you want to do is crawl into a cave and hide away from it all, this book might be for you.
This book contains a little too much psychobabble for my taste (too much talk about parenting your inner infant and other wonderful stuff like that - without all of that I would have given it five stars) but I am glad I read it because I finally understand why I am so weird. Now I know why I can be such an introvert even though I love being around people, why I can't handle people playing with my hair, why I can't remember people's names when I meet them for the first time, why I have such a low tolerance for alcohol, caffeine, and most medications, why I can't stand wearing wool scarves, why I startle so easily.....and many more traits that I thought were just part of my personality - mental quirks that I've developed over the years. Now I know that all of my weirdness is genetic and I'm pretty sure I lovingly passed it onto my oldest child.
The theory is basic: some people (approximately 15 percent) are born with nervous systems that are just more sensitive than average. These people notice, take in, and need time to process EVERYTHING: small details in rooms, people's moods, whether someone or something is touching them, how things smell, how foods they eat make them feel, small noises, the feel of the wind on their cheek, the look someone gave them from across the room, the slight tickly feeling in their throat, etc. Their nervous systems are constantly alerting them to new things, which can be overwhelming after a while. These people need down time, peace and quiet to recover from being around people, doing fun or exciting things, going somewhere loud, even interacting with their immediate family if it involves an activity where there is a lot to process. They need this down time even if these are fun activities that they look forward to and enjoy immensely! They also experience more physical symptoms of stress - their bodies react more to everything from what they eat or drink to what they are thinking about to demands placed on them by other people or their jobs.
Highly sensitive people are prone to anxiety and depression, partially because they are a minority in a world populated mostly with people who aren't quite so sensitive and don't understand why they have a hard time handling the normal demands of life or always seem stressed or unsocial. It can be easy to feel like you are falling short when you are constantly needing to "take a break" or "get some air" or "have some alone time," etc. or when you would rather be by yourself than hanging out with your loved ones. Highly sensitive types pick up on these differences, these nuances, even more than the average person would and take them to heart. There can be a deep feeling of not doing or being enough, or of being high-maintenance or having "issues."
The main advice in the book is to realize that if you happen to be a highly sensitive person, it is part of your genetic makeup and you shouldn't feel like you are less of a person because of it. In fact, most highly sensitive people are smart, thoughtful, and introspective - they have lots of thoughts and they have deep thoughts. So, be proud of your inner sensitivity! Also, realize your limits and plan your life accordingly. If you are going out on Friday night, especially if it is a new or fast-paced, busy experience, fill your Saturday with relaxing activities because you will probably need time to be quiet, rest, and just think and.... be.
Thoroughly disappointed. As I identify as an introvert, I have become increasingly suspicious that I might be high sensitive (or a HSP) as well.
I felt the book went too much into repeating how different people are HSPs are so at different points of their lives (childhood, adulthood, etc.). I get it already. I had hoped there would be more about how to cope and what HSPs can do.
Others have already gone over the issues in the book, but one part that particularly bothered me and turned me off for the rest of the book is one of the early quizzes about being out vs. in. As someone else mentions, the formatting of the book is not conducive for clear organization. This particular quiz (in my version) comes in the middle of the section that she recommends people to read. I'm not sure if that is an editorial decision, but I was annoyed that the quiz was not placed before the section, as I flipped through the pages after to find the section she recommended.
I also take severe issue with the quiz itself. It specifically refers to being "in" or "out" and whether the quiz taker leans too far in one direction or another. According to this quiz I am just on the cusp of being inside too much. But the wording of the question or her decision of how to score it is problematic. I do not see the issue of spending most of my time inside or alone, nor do I see a problem with stopping with my activity if I feel a little too overwhelmed to continue and need a break. Being out more often won't help me be happier or somehow make me less sensitive.
As another reviewer notes, the author discusses a woman who had a history of abuse and assault who finally started her artistic career after ending an abusive marriage. Aron does not note if the woman received therapy or other steps she might have taken and seems to imply that the woman was somehow "blocked" from her artistic abilities. That situation probably had less to do with sensitivity and more about healing from her past.
As yet another reviewer notes, Aron does get into New Age and religion. I won't deny that it probably helps many HSPs in their daily lives, but it went a little too far for me and I definitely just wanted the book to end.
It's unfortunate because it seems Aron is a leading figure when discussing HSPs and I had been very much looking forward to this book. I had also been considering buying the workbook that goes with this, but it looks like I'll be skipping this and any other works by this author.
I probably didn't like this mostly because it's self-help and I was just trying to get some concept of how to explain myself to other people... but way too much in the way of 'you thought there was something wrong with you, but there isn't!' Seriously, as an introverted person, don't you think most of us (70%) would be able to deduce what it is that makes us different (especially when many of us are also gifted)? Even with a rather tormented adolescence, I never thought there was anything 'wrong' with my sensitivity. I always liked being the way I was, so I think a separate book for people who are that way and enjoy it is in order.
I would have preferred this if it had been geared at informing and not at fixing the way we think about sensitivity. Understanding something leads to changing our concept, and telling a large group of variable people how to change something is just not helpful.
I also thought she was basing too much of it on how she is, as a sensitive person. It would have been beneficial if she would have talked about her own experience so that there was some context (in the form of a caveat) about how the information would apply to us. More research and less personal experience would have added credibility.
This is the only source I've found that so clearly separates the "Highly Sensitive" trait from simply being an introvert (which I am not). This book helped me understand my own personality in a way I've been looking for since I was little. I feel empowered by this new knowledge, and more able to adapt and adjust to be a happier person, partner and human. The only reason I gave this 4 stars and not 5 is because I think the author may lose readers when going in depth into subjects like psychotherapy, early childhood being the cause of most adult problems, and spiritual beliefs. Not to say some won't find this information helpful, but that it makes the book a more dense read, and in my opinion, strays from the main subject. The author so clearly described problems I've had throughout my life--at work, with family, with friends, and in my relationships. More so than any book I've read on relationships alone. Not only did she depict these situations so well, but she gave really clear advice on how to change the situation for the better for all parties involved without having to change who you are as a person.
EA hasn't written a book about being more sensitive, but about being a psychologically troubled introvert with an inferiority complex. It's full of crap about spirit guides, religion and dreams as guides which imho has nothing to do with exhaustion and overstimulation from normal experiences. Other than that I got really annoyed with the whole 'society needs us' thing about how 'we' are nurturing society and more HSPs should become leaders. I'm not nurturing society, I'm just trying to figure out how to go out without wanting to cry from overstimulation or needing twelve hours of sleep afterwards.
In an aggressive culture, non-HSPs are favored, and that fact will be obvious everywhere
Do not overschedule yourself. Allow time to think, to daydream. Keep your expectations realistic. Do not hide your abilities. Be your own advocate. Support your right to be yourself. Accept it when you have narrow interests. Or broad ones.
Being so eager to please, we’re not easy to liberate. We’re too aware of what others need.
I found this to be extremely interesting and insightful. I only just realised now at the time of writing this review that the author was not the narrator. This doesn't matter, but I assumed it was her. Being a HSP and psychotherapist herself, the author has tremendous experience and clinical knowledge into the phenomena behind this mostly unrealised personality type.
One not must assume all highly sensitive people are extraverts, or introverts either, there are so many qualities to this personality. Upbringing, attachment style is a huge one, trauma, and life events all go into the melting pot of this ideal.
I love learning, and here I realised there are so much to this concept. Things I knew but was not made concrete until now. A sensitivity to light, sound, smell just to name a few. I suppose most interestingly to me was the susceptibility to cold. This rang so true for me. As did those prior sensitivities. I am unfortunately well able to a high level of discomfort when working with people who don't have clean clothing or who possibly are not very hygienic. Sometimes this is honestly hard to tolerate, and knowing I'm not abnormal is helpful.
On the other hand, a lot did not apply to me, but this is all part of it. The author has had a lot of experience in interviewing many HSPs in a clinical setting, and was able to lay out many ideas and scenarios. A lot of the ideals pertaining to spirituality and the esoteric didn't apply to me, but this would definitely be of interest to others.
High intuition, being really attune to others in the space you share, noticing everything. Being highly aware of one's surroundings and other's intricacies is common. Needing extra time alone, retreating to the written world. The importance of boundaries, reactions to hunger and cold. Being too aware of other's needs. This is so interesting to me. There is much detail in all this, and activities and ideas that can be used.
This is a well written and equally well researched book written by an expert in the field who describes her life experiences throughout.
The author sounds very stuck in her way of thinking, and the style of writing was very grating. Everything was about childhood trauma (except for the excerpt that said it wasn't all about childhood trauma, really...just the rest of this chapter and the next and maybe some more throughout the book). There was a whole lot of shock factor -- she would start talking about a client, then all of a sudden drop "sexual abuse" all over the description and talk about childhood trauma. In one case, she talked about a former classmate who was teased, but who was getting better and moving on, and then -- bam! -- btw, he committed suicide.
I have no tolerance for this kind of writing. Especially since this is in a book about highly sensitive people, you'd think she would know better than to pull that.
Don't recommend. If you want to know about introversion and sensitivity, Quiet is a much better (and more helpful) book.
This, for me, was an amazing book. I will be reading it again eventually, just to remind myself of all the important information that Aron researched and now shares with readers. It has taken me roughly 30 years to learn many things about myself which are clearly explained by Aron's research. I feel more confident about expressing my needs, now that I know I'm not the only one, and now that I have been reminded about the strengths which balance out my weaknesses.
I am definitely a "highly sensitive person" though I wish she had called it "highly SENSING person" because that is a clearer description to me. Sometimes Aron uses terms and concepts that are probably common in pyschology, but which seem a bit odd or out of place in the regular world. However, it is definitely worth overlooking any strangeness in order to get to the important information which she presents.
الأشخاص ذوو الحساسية المفرطة تعرفت منذ سنوات قليلة على هذه السمة وعلمت أنني من هؤلاء الأشخاص، ولكن هذا حدث بعد ان استطعت التعايش مع الكثير من الأمور المميزة لهذه السمة، وساهم التقدم في العمر وزيادة الخبرة والوعي بشكل كبير في ذلك، حتى انني أتذكر نفسي في الماضي وخاصة في مرحلة المراهقة والشباب وأرثى لحالي، فقد كانت سمة الحساسية المفرطة في اوج نشاطها. الغريب أنني بعد قراءة الكتاب اكتشفت أن أغلب صفاتي وسلوكياتي ناتج عن هذه السمة ويمكن اعتباري نموذج مثالي لها.
"هذا الكتاب مفيد لاكتشاف وجود هذه السمة لديك، وكيفية التعايش معها ويفيد كذلك من يتعاملون مع الأشخاص ذوو الحساسية المفرطة من اجل فهم أفضل لهم".
"الصفات الأربع المميزة لذوي الحساسية المفرطة معالجة الأمور بتعمق سرعة الإثارة الاستجابة العاطفية استشعار التفاصيل الدقيقة".
"يهدف الكتاب إلى معرفة الذات، إعادة التشكيل، العلاج، الانفتاح على العالم".
"يقال إن بعض من يتحلون بهذه السمة يشعرون بسعادة اقل، قد نبدو تعساء او متقلبي المزاج لأننا نستغرق وقتا طويلا في امور اخرى، مثل معنى الحياة والموت، ومدى تعقيد الأمور".
تخيل أن تعيش عمرك باكملة وأن تتصرف بطريقة معينة ولا يمكنك أن تفسر لما تتصرف وتفاعل بهذه الطريقة، وخصوصا لو كانت طريقة مختلفة عن أغلب المحيطين بك، او سببت لك نقدا من الآخرين بصفة دائمة ومزعجة. تتحدث الكاتبه فى مقدمة الكتاب عن بعض الأعراض التى صاحبتها طوال حياتها ولم تكن تعرف سببها، أو اعتقدت انها بسبب حالة من الانطواء او الإكتئاب او حتى الخجل الاجتماعى وذكرت على وجه التحديد حاجتها للبكاء فى بعض المواقف الجديدة التى تتعرض لها أو تكون فيها عرضة للاختلاط الاجتماعى بدرجة كبيرة، لم تكتشف سبب هذا على مدار السنين حتى برغم انها فى مرحلة الجامعه ��رست علم النفس وتخصصت فى درجة الماجستير فى ذات العلم حتى التقت مع معالجتها النفسية واخبرتها انها تعاني من فرط الحساسية. ومن هنا تبدا الكاتبة والباحثة فى ذات الوقت فى رحلة البحث عن هذا المرض، ما معنى هذا التشخيص؟ وكيف يمكن التعامل معاه او حتى معالجته؟ وبوجود قلة الأبحاث العلمية التى تناولت فرط الحساسية هنا تبدا الكاتبة رحلة ابحاثها الخاصة لمعرفة أسرار فرط الحساسية.
اهم ما يميز الكتاب أن الكاتبة عالمة نفس ومصابة بمرض الحساسية المفرطة بالإضافة إلى كونها روائية، فكان الكتاب بسيط ومفيد برغم ان طريقة الكتاب اشبه بكتب مساعدة الذات، وهذا قد يكون من مميزات الكتاب من وجهة نظر الأشخاص أصحاب الحساسية المفرطة، أو لمن لديهم حب المعرفة لطريقة التعامل مع الأشخاص المصابين وكيفية مساعدتهم. ولكن لشخص يحب أن يقراء عن الموضوع فقط قد يصيبه بعض الملل من طريقة الكاتبة. الكتاب لم يكن كتاب علمى قائم على علم النفس والأبحاث العلمية فى المقام الأول ولكن كان اغلبه قصص لأشخاص مصابين وطريقة تعاملهم مع المرض فى مراحل عمرهم المختلفة والمواقف المختلفة بالإضافة إلى نصائح الكاتبة.
Have you ever thought you were weird because you couldn't stand to watch movies or read books with a lot of violence in them while other people seemed to love that stuff? Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed from being around a lot of noise, strong scents, or bright lights, especially florescent lights? Have you ever been called "too sensitive" or "too shy?" Are you deeply moved by art and music? Are you particularly sensitive to changes in temperature, body language, and your surroundings? Do other people's moods affect you? If so, you might be highly sensitive.
No, this is not one of those self-help books written by a quack who is going to try to convince you to eliminate all forms of stress, including family, a job, and bills from your life in order to nourish your soul. But it is a book that will change your life if you think you might be highly sensitive. I know, it sounds silly, but I'm telling you, as soon as I sat down to read this book, I felt like someone finally understood all of the little quirks about me that other people have always thought were weird but have always just been part of who I am. I even talked to a few of my friends who I think might be highly sensitive, and they felt the same way.
I decided to read this after Anne from Modern Mrs. Darcy (modernmrsdarcy.com) recommended it for those of us who would consider ourselves more sensitive than the average person. I remember the blog post distinctly because it was the first time I had ever heard anyone else mention the topic of people who tend to "screen" books with violent content because they prefer to avoid any type of entertainment with it. As someone who has always avoided books, movies and TV shows with violence as well as scary movies in general, this caught my attention. I always thought that my tendency to avoid scary movies was due to my overactive imagination that caused me to have frequent and vivid nightmares after watching these types of movies, which is in part true, but this is also a sign that you might be highly sensitive.
Aron, a licensed psychiatrist, takes readers on a journey through the mind of a highly sensitive person. If you yourself are highly sensitive, you'll learn more about how your mind and body work. You'll learn how to view yourself as someone who is unique and ultimately needed in the universe. I particularly liked Aron's notes on the idea of a warrior-king type of personality and the idea of a more sensitive advisor type of personality and the benefits to society of both. I appreciated that while Aron encourages neither type of personality to view theirs as superior, each does have its own advantages. For example, as a sensitive person, you might be considered shy, sometimes aloof, or even arrogant, since you tend to keep to yourself and find it hard to make friends. You tend to avoid social engagements with a large number of people and lots of noise and sounds, so people sometimes might think of you as a party pooper. But on the flip side, sensitive people are also the most compassionate, the most intuitive, and the most creative of all personality types. If you find yourself reading this book and realizing you are more than likely a highly sensitive person, you'll begin to look at past events in your life with a new understanding, perhaps even realizing why you reacted to certain things and people the way you did.
For some people, this might be a laughable subject. The idea that someone can be "highly sensitive.” Even the word sensitive has a negative connotation in our society today. But if you find you just might belong to this category of rare but unique people, (chances are if you find yourself on a site like GoodReads that encourages one to read as much as you can, you just might be) then I highly suggest giving this a look. I've found a lot of valuable info on working with others, building relationships with others, and having a more stressless environment that allows my highly sensitive self to thrive in this book, and I highly recommend it to others who might be searching for the same peace of mind.
Į jautrumą aš žiūriu kaip į plonus rūbus. Su jais labiau jausi aplinką, smilgas, galėsi paliesti. Bet žiemą bus šalta. O žmogus, kuris visuomet su paltu, vasarą nieko nejaus gamtoje, negalės prisiliesti, bet žiemą jam bus patogiau. Taip ir su jautrumu. Jaučiame daugiau nei kiti, bet esame ir labiau pažeidžiami. Aš kaifuoju dėl to, kad pasaulį patiriu kaip labiau spalvotą, įdomesnį. Pastebiu ko kiti nepastebi. Gerai pajaučiu vyraujančią atmosferą. Man lengviau suprasti kitus žmones. Lengviau įsijausti į jų gyvenimą. Mane labiau veikia menas. Verkiu per filmus. Knygos labiau įtraukia. Užtenka išgerti truputį kavos ar juodos arbatos, o veikia panašiai kaip narkotikai.
I give up. So far not what I was looking for. I know I'm not "flawed" and my self-esteem is fine. What I was hoping to find here are ways to improve interactions with others, including hopefully ways to help them understand and accept I am not like them, but not "broken" or needing to "try harder" to be more like them.
This book so far has been all over the place. It's talking about "highly sensitive" to outside stimuli, but then talks about sensitivity in regards to being caring and nurturing, as if those things are the same or always go together - which is untrue.
It also paints non-HSPs in a bad light, as those prone to aggressive, even violent, behavior, uncaring about environmental issues, the evil corporate CEO, etc. Makes it sound like the author thinks all social liberals are HSPs, who are loving, nurturing, caring and peaceful people and all social conservatives are non-HSPs and evil warmongers out to destroy the environment.
Sorry, but I don't think highly sensitive introverts are all in one political box, nor do I think all those who are not sensitive to outside stimuli, or enjoy it, are all evil, uncaring, unfeeling people.
This book so far is a mess. It's mixing up meanings of "sensitive" as if they're all interchangeable, and throwing in political stereotypes and even some religious new-agey stuff.
At chapter 5 the only thing remotely helpful it's said is to advise to mute commercials when watching TV as commercials are intended to be highly stimulating. Everything else so far either doesn't apply to me (even though I scored high on the test included), is insulting and generalities to non-HSP people, contradictory or obviously false.
فرط الحساسية هي سمة و ليست مرض يتميز بها بعض البشر عن غيرهم حيث ترتبط بسرعة التأثر بالمؤثرات سواء الداخلية أو الخارجية و بدرجة المعالجة العالية. هناك 4 صفات أساسية تصف الحالة و هي : 1/ معالجة الأمور بتعق 2/ سرعة الإثارة 3/ الإستجابة العاطفي 4/ إستشعار التفاصيل الدقيقة ينطلق الكتاب في فصوله الأولى بشرح لسمات فرط الحساسيةو تعمق فيها مع محاولة تشجيع صاحبها على تقبلها كونها امر إيجابي عكس ما يحاول المجتمع ترويج له ، ثم تأخدنا الكاتبة في رحلة عبر الحياة لنشاهد الشخص مفرط الحساسية في مختلف مراحله العمرية و مختلف تجاربه في الحياة، و تبين تأثير محيطه و علاقاته على حالته، و تأثير النفسي ناتج عن فرط الحساسية. الكتاب منظم بطريقة سلسلة، كل فصل يبدأ بنبذة عن الموضوع الذي سيتطرق له و ينتهي بتمارين و نصائح لتحقيق الاستفادة التامة من المحتوى، كم ان كل فصل مقسم لعناوين مصغرة تجعل القراءة أسهل +أسلوب الكاتبة البسيطة و الواضح. كون الكاتبة مفرطة الحساسية ايضا فقد وضعت كل خبرتها في محاولة تقديم المساعدة لهاته الفئة ، الكتاب غني بنصائح و يرتكز اكثر على قصص و خبرات الأشخاص بعيدا عن دراسات العلمية و النفسية ما جعل طابع التنمية الذاتية يطغى، حققت إستفادة أكثر من الفصول الأربعة الأولى و بعض الفقرات في الفصول المتبقية، الكتاب موجه في الأساس الأشخاص الذين يتسيمون بفرط الحساسية، لذى فأنا أرى ان القارئ الذي يبحث فقط عن معرفة شاملة سيجد الكتاب ممل و سيكون من الأفضل إختصار الوقت و البحث في الإنترنت ،هذا لا ينفي قيمة الكتاب.
I actually found this book to be very helpful. The author/psychologist coined the phrase "highly sensitive person"(or "HSP") admittedly in reference to herself and to those whom she has found in her 5 years of research to make up approximately 20% of the human population. Highly sensitive people share many of the same attributes: They are most often introverted (not necessarily “shy”) turning inward for strength and rejuvenation. They are typically highly intelligent, very creative, compassionate, spiritual, and are deeply affected by the arts. They are sensitive many things both internally and externally that most in the general population overlook, such as slight changes in a room, and the moods of others. They are also very easily over-aroused by various forms of external stimuli (excess noise, chaos, too many people, bright lights, etc) often needing to retreat from the stimuli in order to regain their sanity. (In fact the majority of the book centers on coping with over-arousal, the HSP Achilles' heel). HSP's tend to fall in love hard and form strong attachments to certain individuals, and are significantly affected by traumatic events in their childhoods. Other hallmark traits of HSP's are that they form very close friendships, often have problematic relationships with doctors (who, in order to survive med school, tend to not relate to the highly sensitive), are valued in their vocation for integrity and work ethic, but are not good self-promoters. They often don't do well with transition and change.
These extremely sensitive individuals are not "flawed," as our non-HSP counterparts may lead us to believe (personally, although my sensitivity has challenged me, I don't share the author's defensive viewpoint that I am under-valued because of it). According to the author, Western and Indo-European societies tend to under-value many HSP attributes such as introversion, but HSP's are actually important contributors to a balanced civilization, acting as the advisors, judges, and spiritual leaders to the population majority's "warrior king" tendency to fearlessly expand and conquer. The HSP tendency to "pause and check" is the cautious counterpoint that keeps civilizations in tact. I highly recommend this book for anyone who thinks they fall under the category of a highly sensitive person. I picked it up because it was recommended to me and although I was a little skeptical because it was one author's research and perspective, I was floored by how much of what she described fit my personality completely - in fact, not only me, but a few of my family members as well (extreme sensitivity is an inherited genetic trait). Aron writes in a manner that helps the HSP not only to cope with, but to celebrate their unique qualities. Society needs a select group of individuals who are creative, docile, and spiritually in tune to effectively function. In some cultures such as China, the HSP personality is the most highly-valued.
Aron repeatedly quotes Carl Jung, an early psychotherapist and (according to her) a fellow HSP, to help with the HSP condition. The chapters of the book focus on HSP’s and realms of everyday life such as in vocation, social relationships, intimate relationships, and vocation. I found the chapters on physical treatment particularly helpful (medications such as SSRI's or anti-anxiety meds may be helpful for HSP's both in the short or long term, but aren't necessarily a good fit for everyone. It should also be pointed out that some of her conclusions about SSRI's may be outdated as more research has been done since this book's publication in '96). My favorite chapter was the final chapter, which focuses on the HSP's tie to the spiritual realm. It was actually very practical, citing examples about how HSP's, religious and non- religious alike, tend to look inward and seek for explanations beyond what can be explained by science.
Знаех, че съм свръхчувствителен човек доста преди да прочета тази книга, но не знаех нищо за този тип хора - като това, че чувствителността е вродена, често наследствена, че 42% от хората се определят като нечувствителни, а само 15-20% като свръхчувствителни. Първите са нужни на човечеството, защото са дейни, смели и действат, без много да му мислят. Вторите усещат всички фини промени в околната среда и внасят баланс с мъдростта и съветите си. Това е така открай време, когато владетелите често са били импулсивни, а техните съветници/жреци са противодействали, за да не изпадат в крайности.
Книгата започва по-академично, което ми хареса, и продължава със съвети как да се възползваме от позитивите и да неутрализираме негативите на това състояние (най-големият е, че свръхчувствителните хора възприемат много по-дълбоко всички стимули в средата, дори да нямат по-изострени сетива, и в следствие на това често се намират в състояние на "нервна превъзбуда", която ги изтощава постоянно). Е, поне вече знам защо често съм толкова уморена - от прекалено много "чувстване" на всичко :)
Наистина книгата е страхотна и мога да кажа, че не помага толкова със съветите си (които напомняха на доста от книгите за самоусъвършенстване, каквито не са ми по вкуса), а с описанието на всички нюанси на свръхчувствителните хора. Така хем човек се чувства по-нормален, хем може адекватно да обясни "какво му има" на себе си и на мнозинството. И да се опознае. А вярвам, че след това, ако е толкова интуитивен, сам ще се сети какво да прави. Препоръчвам я с две ръце!
I remember feeling quite jazzed about this book when I first read it. After all, I was so shy that I didn't really begin to connect with my peers until late middle school. I felt overwhelmed every time I had to leave my house and whenever I was around people I was a tightly wound ball of anxiety and irritation. I always felt I was way more sensitive to nearly everything than most people, and here was a book that seemed to validate my experience and offer solutions.
Except the solutions didn't really work. I even went to a Highly-Sensitive People support group for a time. I remember almost everybody in that room spoke very softly and had nervous rumbly stomachs. There was very little eye contact. We were like a bunch of vibrating tuning forks. It was interesting, but oddly unhelpful. I stopped going after awhile. I figured my sensitivity was something I just had to motor on with.
However, my problem was something more complex than just being "highly-sensitive". I have Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autistic spectrum. A great deal of the sensitivities described in The Highly Sensitive Person could be applied directly to a mildly autistic person. Do loud noises make you cringe into a quivering ball? Of course. Do you sometimes feel antagonized by clothing tags? Hellz yes. Do you go into a tailspin when forced to socialize for too long? Well, duh. And so on and so on.. I just found about my Asperger's at age 32 and I really can't help thinking I could have used such a discovery a bit earlier in my life.. perhaps 12 years ago when I read The Highly-Sensitive Person. I strongly suspect that other "Aspies" have gone over this book, chalked up their many quirks to just being sensitive, and then been left in the lurch when the one-dimensional approach to a far more complicated issue fails to improve their situation. Looking back, I suspect that several people in that support group I attended had undiagnosed Asperger's and I hope they were able to find assistance that was tailored more specifically to their needs.
So, to sum up, this book may be helpful to people who are a bit more sensitive or naturally shy, but its ambiguity may lead some in entirely the wrong direction. Finally, if you think you may be something more than just sensitive, if you're often confounded by social situations that don't faze others, or if you find yourself wondering if you're even living in the same sensory world as most people, than there is a fabulous online test for Asperger's called The Aspie Quiz. Google it.
“While it is wise to accept what we cannot change about ourselves, it is also good to remember that we are never too old to replace discouragement with bits and pieces of confidence and hope.” – Elaine N.Aron, PhD, The Highly Sensitive Person
Vivid dreams, a deep need to have alone time, easily overwhelmed by loud noises, sensitivity to pain, a rich and complex inner life or searching for a deeper meaning to life… All signs you might be an HSP.
Most of the world is geared for those who can handle high doses of stimulation at an almost constant pace and for those who are less so inclined are seen as over-sensitive, boring, or shy. This book is for those who often find themselves overwhelmed by the stimulation of the world and need some clarity of why this is, those who want to confront the lies they have been told about being sensitive.
“Introverts are still social beings. In fact, their well-being is more affected by their social relationships than is the well-being of extroverts.” – Elaine N. Aron, PhD, The Highly SensitivePerson
Aron writes of her own and other HSPs ’stories and how they have used their skills to help others and themselves to grow and live full lives. She writes of all the research that went into this book with many helpful tips on exploring your sensitivity and using it to your advantage.
But first, she gets you to go deep into your past and find those moments that lead you to believe your sensitivity was bad, the moments where not only people but your own body told you that you are too sensitive.
“Another equally important part of growing up is no longer pretending we will be able to do absolutely everything. Life is short and filled with limits and responsibilities…” – Elaine N. Aron, PhD, TheHighly Sensitive Person
With so few people knowing and being HSP it can be hard to appreciate the gift that is being sensitive and knowing how to harness it in an overwhelming world. Aron shows us that sensitivity should be cherished and that the world needs it even if they do not know it.
While the book is well written it is hard to read and takes some time to work through, with the many exercises and tasks to ponder on. Still, a truly eye-opening book that everyone should read, whether you are an HSP or not, knowing the wonderful diversity of people and how everyone is needed, is crucial for a world that appreciates and benefits from the glorious diversity.
“The pursuit of wholeness is really a kind of circling closer and closer through different meanings…” – Elaine N. Aron, PhD,The Highly Sensitive Person
هالكتاب إلو عندي ذكريات قديمة ذكريات دمها تقيل أو يمكن أنا بشوفها دمها تقيل بعد مرور الوقت عليها قاريتو من شي أكتر من عشر سنين أو 13 سنة وقتها طلعت روحي و عملت المستحيل لحتى قدرت حصلت عليه و وقتها أول منتدى اشتركت فيه عالنت بحياتي كان عن قارئي هذا الكتاب كان وقتها الاكتشاف العظيم يعني إنو في ناس هيك بالدنيا و تماهيت مع الحالة، و فلقت راس الناس يلي بعرفهم بهالاكتشاف العجيب و صرت كتير شاعرية وقتها و كتبت شوية شعر هي لما كنت عم حاول اتعايش مع ذاتي اللطيفة المزعجة قبل ما أنتصر أنا و ذاتي الظريفة الشريرة (شوية) على تلك اللطيفة و نتخلص من دمها الثقيل للأبد بس يعني بعد أكثر من عشر سنين على قراءتو ما بظن إنو فادني شي بحياتي لا هو و لا الكتاب التاني The Highly Sensitive Person in Love يعني لما تكون شخص حساس، بتعيش طول عمرك بتسمع هالعبارة من يلي حولك الكتاب ما قدملي شي جديد غير إنو يعني لست وحدك في هذا الكون بس يعني شو الفايدة مدري بس يعني لست وحدي في هذا الكون يا للسعادة :\
و بجوز السبب إني كنت غلطانة بتشخيص الحالة :\
مدري على كل ما من عادتي الحديث عن كتب قديمة، قرأتها قبل فترة بعيدة لأنو في كل منعطف بالحياة في كتب قراها الواحد متناسبة مع الشخص يلي كانو و يلي ما عاد يعرف كيف قرأها أو عجبتو في فترة ما و إنو هالشخص يلي كانو يوما، ما عاد يعرفو و لا يتذكرو و خاصة إن كنت متلي ما بتحب تحمل ذكريات، و كل ما بعدت بتبهت براسك لحتى تختفي و كأنها ما كانت و بتستتقل دم حالك أكتر من ما أنت مستتقل دم أنت الحالي فأحيانا بحس إن بدي احكي عن هيك كتب كأني عم بحكي عن حدا تاني عن مخلوقة تانية ما بعرفها و بحس بعدم الارتياح لو بدي استخدم ضمير الأنا عنها/ عني أو حاول استحضر مشاعر ما عاد إلها وجود كتير و احكي قصصها يلي ما عادت ضمن نطاق اهتماماتي لكن سرد القصص شغلة حلوة و مسلية بكتير أحيان فكيف لو قال الواحد قصة صغيرة عن حالو بحس الواحد حالو بطل و مهم و لو ضمن هالقصة الصغيرة و بما إنو القصص بتقوم عالخيال بتخيل حالي إني لساني حالي و بحكي عنها و بستخدم ضمير الأنا القديمة المتروكة و القارئ ما حيعرف الفرق كلو بشوفو كلمة (أنا) متجانسة حتى لو أنت الكاتب ما هيك بتحس
Psychologist Elaine N. Aron has produced several books on the subject of highly-sensitive people. This appears to have been her first and is, I suspect, her most commercial. In it, she attempts to introduce the theory that there exists a distinct set of human beings who are genetically wired with a heightened sensitivity to all things sensory. Unlike the introvert, who purportedly thrives in isolation and opts for solitude or smaller groups when given the choice, the highly-sensitive person has trouble withstanding the cacophony of the wider world and is constitutionally compelled to seek sanctuary when confronted with an abundance of stimulation - whether she wishes to or not. The distinction is a subtle one, and made all the more difficult to draw by the author's freshman approach to this sort of presentation. Much of the material has been dumbed down for the layman, couched in wildly-contradictory terms, and richly romanticized. Again, first book. One assumes lessons have been learned.
I do not give that pass lightly. I found some very intriguing ideas nestled in amid the dross, and I do believe Dr. Aron may be on to something here. I might try a later work. Possibly Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person - in which one hopes she'll be playing to her peers.
I think this book just changed my life. Most of the information in it was stuff I’d already intuited or learned elsewhere, but the way it was framed here under the label of “HSP” just made something finally click about how I see myself. It helped me reframe many of the things I’ve struggled with all my life or made “wrong” about myself. Gives me a much different perspective moving forward.
First of all, I have to clarify for the record that The World is not, thankfully, (at least at this point in my life), "overwhelming" me.
But I have often been told that I'm being "too sensitive" about a comment someone made about me.
And I got intrigued by this book when I saw it referenced in Oprah magazine. (Well...full disclosure, I didn't just "see" it. I took the quiz "Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?" while I was getting a pedicure. And I got a score that landed me in the Yes zone. So I was intrigued and checked out the book.)
Perhaps surprisingly, there's little to no discussion of that emotional sensitivity or touchiness over comments from others. Instead, Elaine Aaron's use of "sensitive" is actually "over arousal" in the nervous system: over-stimulation. Still, much of what she discusses applies to certain aspects of my personality: intuitive, sensitive to others' moods, pulled by inner conflicting voices (difficulty w/ decisions), conscientiousness, cautious, pleasing, worried about making mistakes. If these same traits resonate with you, I think you'd definitely find this book an excellent source of food for thought.
One thing I couldn't help wondering, however, (and maybe it's because I'm one of the more internal consider-ers she talks about, rather than a "warrior king" type) was whether the concept of sensitivity was being used too widely as a kind of blanket cop-out.
In other words, I know I tire easily after being around people too much, and need restorative alone time, (despite the fact that I might seem like a social butterfly on the outside), and I know that I have a low tolerance for doing B.S. jobs that aren't "on the front lines" (Aaron says HSPs often crave meaningful careers).
And I would LOVE to be able to claim that I have a legitimate, neuro-scientific cause for these traits--I could justify needing a nap every day and needing to not hate my job!
But I worried that perhaps there was maybe a little bit too much "feel good about yourself for being a special HSP!" message. Seriously, who does have a high tolerance for doing a job that isn't meaningful?
At the same time, each chapter raised at least one point I either hadn't considered before, or had considered at length but in some other context. So I think it's worth a read if you take the quiz and any of the personality traits apply to you.
Well, now I've been too "aroused" by dealing with all you people and need to go take a nap. (har!)
3 stars because I found reading this book to be tremendously validating and meaningful, but at the same time I had a lot of criticisms of it. This book describes that percentage of the population whose systems are easily (over)stimulated by sensory information. Wow, do I wish someone had given me this book to read, like, 10 years ago.
The criticisms: - Wanted more specific techniques and suggestions.
- She's really into how Highly Sensitive People are super important to society and we should all feel so good about how valuable and meaningful our sensitivity is and how much we have to contribute to the world. I found this irritating.
- Not enough material about how to be a parent who's highly sensitive, just one paragraph. I felt like the book really begged the question, as it used the metaphor of taking care of your body's needs as if your body were a baby. So... what about when my ACTUAL baby has needs at the same time?
- She doesn't talk about how to differentiate innate sensitivity from similar symptoms that can develop from trauma. As a therapist, I am curious about this.
- I questioned a lot of her claims (some based on research, some not) about biological traits vs. acquired traits. For example, she goes on at length about how shyness is an acquired trait, unlike sensitivity which is inborn. This didn't make sense to me. Why can't shyness be inborn too?
- She's really into Jung and Jungian analysis. I'm not.
الشخص مفرط الحساسيّة , إذا كنت تتمتّع بحياة جوّانية غنيّة , وتتأثّر بعمق بالأشعار والموسيقى , وتنفر من مشاهد العنف وتتوتّر من الأصوات العالية والزحام , فغالباً هذا الكتاب يعنيك , أنت شخص مفرط الحساسيّة.
وجدت معظم المراجعات هنا تدور حول فكرة أن القارئ لن يجد نفسه وحيداً بعد اليوم , فما يمرّ به يمرّ به كثيرون , والواقع أن هذه لم تكن مشكلتي , لم أشعر يوماً بالخجل من صفة الحساسية التي أمتلكها , بل أشعر أن الصفات أعلاه هي ما ينبغي أن يكون عليه المرء بالطبيعة, رغم أنني سمعت وأسمع على الدوام نصائح بالتخفيف منها لأجل ألا أتعب , لكن كنت ومن قبل أن أقرأ هذا الكتاب أعدّ الحساسيّة ميزة لدي ولا أرغب بالتخلّص منها , لكن كان لدي ارتباك في بسطها في العالم الخارجيّ المقلق بالنسبة إليّ , ساعدني هذا الكتاب على تخطّيه ..
في عالم يقدّر المادّة و"الخارج" أكثر من الداخل , ولا يعترف إلا بشكل واحد من أشكال القوّة, سيسهل على الجميع وصف الشخص الحسّاس بأنه ضعيف وخجول ومنطو ويعاني من الكبت , ولكن الأمر في الحقيقة أنه يتمتّع بشكل خاص من القوة , هي التي تخلق لديه هدوءاً وسكوناً في التعاطي مع الأحداث الخارجية, وحدساً نافذاً لا يخيب إلا نادراً , وقدرة على إلهام الجميع وتسكين خواطرهم ..
تقسّم الكاتبة فصول الكتاب حول سمات الحساسيّة الأساسية وكيف تعرف أنك شخص حساس أم لا , ثم ما يحتمل أن تكون مررت به كشخص حساس مذ كنت رضيعاً وحتى اللحظة , وسواء مررت بطفولة مستقرّة أو مضطربة , ستجد في نهاية كل فصل تمارين نفسية تساعدك على التعرف إلى نفسك والسماح لعقلك الباطن بالإفصاح عن نفسه قليلاً ..
لا ريب أنني اكتشفت أن ميلي لبعض الكتّاب والأشخاص كان بسبب أنهم يشاركونني صفة الحساسيّة من دون أن أعرف , ريلكه ,فيكتور فرانكل , كارل يونغ - الذي تتأثر به الكاتبة كثيراً - , وهؤلاء جميعاً استشهدت بهم هي في مواضع من الكتاب , ووصفتهم بأنهم ذوو حساسية مفرطة , ويمكنني أن أضيف شوبان , القصبجي , بهاء الدين زهير , دوستويفسكي , فان غوخ , كافكا , وغيرهم , إلى تلك القائمة , قائمة المستشارين الملكيين مفرطي الحساسيّة , والذين أميل لهم شخصياً ..
في الكتاب ملاحظات ذكيّة عديدة حول الفرق بين الكمال والمثالية , وكيفيّة تعامل الشخص مفرط الحساسيّة مع نفسه حينما يشعر بضغط كبير على جهازه العصبيّ , أو كيف ينبغي للآخرين أن يتعاملوا معه , لا بوصفه حالة خاصة تستدعي الشفقة والمساعدة , ولكن بوصفه صاحب سمة نفسيّة مميزة لا تحظى بالكثير من الاحترام , أو بنظرة إيجابية على نطاق واسع في المجتمع ..
كتاب مهم ومفيد ضمن كتب الوعي الذاتي , وكاتبته طبيبة نفسية ولذا تتحدّث في بعض الفصول عن العلاجات الدوائية للقلق المفرط أو الاكتئاب الذي قد يتعرّض له معظم أصحاب الشخصية الحساسة .