The Highly Sensitive Person Quotes

“Is Arousal Really Different From Anxiety and Fear? It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. Fear creates arousal, but so do many other emotions, including joy, curiosity, or anger. But we can also be overaroused by semiconscious thoughts or low levels of excitement that create no obvious emotion. Often we are not aware of what is arousing us, such as the newness of a situation or noise or the many things our eyes are seeing. Actually, there are several ways to be aroused and still other ways to feel aroused, and they differ from time to time and from person to person. Arousal may appear as blushing, trembling, heart pounding, hands shaking, foggy thinking, stomach churning, muscles tensing, and hands or other parts of the body perspiring. Often people in such situations are not aware of some or all of these reactions as they occur. On the other hand, some people say they feel aroused, but that arousal shows up very little in any of these ways. Still, the term does describe something that all these experiences and physical states share. Like the word “stress,” arousal is a word that really communicates something we all know about, even if that something varies a lot. And of course stress is closely related to arousal: Our response to stress is to become aroused. Once we do notice arousal, we want to name it and know its source in order to recognize danger. And often we think that our arousal is due to fear. We do not realize that our heart may be pounding from the sheer effort of processing extra stimulation. Or other people assume we are afraid, given our obvious arousal, so we assume it, too. Then, deciding we must be afraid, we become even more aroused. And we avoid the situation in the future when staying in it and getting used to it might have calmed us down. We will discuss again the importance of not confusing fear and arousal in chapter 5 when we talk about “shyness.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Stimulation is anything that wakes up the nervous system, gets its attention, makes the nerves fire off another round of the little electrical charges that they carry. We usually think of stimulation as coming from outside, but of course it can come from our body (such as pain, muscle tension, hunger, thirst, or sexual feelings) or as memories, fantasies, thoughts, or plans. Stimulation can vary in intensity (like the loudness of a noise) or in duration. It can be more stimulating because it is novel, as when one is startled by a honk or shout, or in its complexity, as when one is at a party and hearing four conversations at once plus music. Often we can get used to stimulation. But sometimes we think we have and aren’t being bothered, but suddenly feel exhausted and realize why: We have been putting up with something at a conscious level while it was actually wearing us down. Even a moderate and familiar stimulation, like a day at work, can cause an HSP to need quiet by evening. At that point, one more “small” stimulation can be the last straw.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“What this difference in arousability means is that you notice levels of stimulation that go unobserved by others. This is true whether we are talking about subtle sounds, sights, or physical sensations like pain. It is not that your hearing, vision, or other senses are more acute (plenty of HSPs wear glasses). The difference seems to lie somewhere on the way to the brain or in the brain, in a more careful processing of information. We reflect more on everything. And we sort things into finer distinctions. Like those machines that grade fruit by size—we sort into ten sizes while others sort into two or three. This greater awareness of the subtle tends to make you more intuitive, which simply means picking up and working through information in a semiconscious or unconscious way. The result is that you often “just know” without realizing how. Furthermore, this deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more. You “just know” how things got to be the way they are or how they are going to turn out. This is that “sixth sense” people talk about. It can be wrong, of course, just as your eyes and ears can be wrong, but your intuition is right often enough that HSPs tend to be visionaries, highly intuitive artists, or inventors, as well as more conscientious, cautious, and wise people. The downside of the trait shows up at more intense levels of stimulation. What is moderately arousing for most people is highly arousing for HSPs. What is highly arousing for most people causes an HSP to become very frazzled indeed, until they reach a shutdown point called “transmarginal inhibition.” Transmarginal inhibition was first discussed around the turn of the century by the Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov, who was convinced that the most basic inherited difference among people was how soon they reach this shutdown point and that the quick-to-shut-down have a fundamentally different type of nervous system. No one likes being overaroused, HSP or not. A person feels out of control, and the whole body warns that it is in trouble. Overarousal often means failing to perform at one’s best. Of course, it can also mean danger. An extra dread of overarousal may even be built into all of us. Since a newborn cannot run or fight or even recognize danger, it is best if it howls at anything new, anything arousing at all, so that grown-ups can come and rescue it. Like the fire department, we HSPs mostly respond to false alarms. But if our sensitivity saves a life even once, it is a trait that has a genetic payoff. So, yes, when our trait leads to overarousal, it is a nuisance. But it is part of a package deal with many advantages.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Sooner or later everyone encounters stressful life experiences, but HSPs react more to such stimulation. If you see this reaction as part of some basic flaw, you intensify the stress already present in any life crisis. Next come feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“HSPs do take in a lot—all the subtleties others miss. But what seems ordinary to others, like loud music or crowds, can be highly stimulating and thus stressful for HSPs. Most people ignore sirens, glaring lights, strange odors, clutter and chaos. HSPs are disturbed by them. Most people’s feet may be tired at the end of a day in a mall or a museum, but they’re ready for more when you suggest an evening party. HSPs need solitude after such a day. They feel jangled, overaroused. Most people walk into a room and perhaps notice the furniture, the people—that’s about it. HSPs can be instantly aware, whether they wish to be or not, of the mood, the friendships and enmities, the freshness or staleness of the air, the personality of the one who arranged the flowers. If you are an HSP, however, it is hard to grasp that you have some remarkable ability. How do you compare inner experiences? Not easily. Mostly you notice that you seem unable to tolerate as much as other people. You forget that you belong to a group that has often demonstrated great creativity, insight, passion, and caring—all highly valued by society. We are a package deal, however. Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed. Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“There is a common misunderstanding that emotions cause us to think illogically. But the actual research, reviewed by psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues, has placed emotion at the center of wisdom. One reason is that most emotion is felt after an event, which apparently serves to help us remember what happened and learn from it.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“at least to some extent, the stresses will always be there, for we bring our sensitivity with us. What we need is a new way of living with the stressors.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Taking good care of a highly sensitive body is like taking care of an infant.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“just happen, varying mostly in intensity.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“A life lived in deep communication with the unconscious is far more influential and personally satisfying. But such a life is also potentially more difficult, especially if in childhood there were too many disturbing experiences without a secure attachment.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“But if a sensitive child is securely attached to Mom, there is no long-term cortisol effect from the stress. Without secure attachment, however, a startling experience will produce long-term arousal. One can see why it is important that young HSPs (and older ones,”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“HSPs do take in a lot—all the subtleties others miss. But what seems ordinary to others, like loud music or crowds, can be highly stimulating and thus stressful for HSPs.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“You pick up on so much more of the subtle cues, the nuances, the paradoxes and ambivalences, the unconscious processes. You understand that this sort of communication requires patience. You are loyal, conscientious, and appreciative enough of the value of the relationship to be willing to give it the time.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“Often HSPs don’t like to “play politics.” But that in itself can make us subject to suspicion. We’re so easily misperceived in all sorts of ways, especially if we spend less time with others in our workplace or do not share our thoughts with them.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

“In other words, expand your use of your giftedness beyond producing the most noticed ideas at work. Use it to attain greater self-insight and to gain wisdom about human beings in groups and organizations. When that is your goal, sitting back and observing are okay. So is participating as an ordinary person sometimes, not a gifted one, and seeing how that feels.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Actually, the relation of a person’s vocation to his or her paying job can be quite varied and will change over a lifetime. Sometimes your job is just the way to make money; the vocation is pursued in your spare time. A fine example is Einstein’s developing the theory of relativity while he was a clerk in a patent office, happy to have mindless work so he could be free to think about what mattered to him. At other times, we can find or create a job that fulfills our vocation, and the pay will be at least adequate. There may be many possible jobs that do that, or the job that will serve the purpose will change as experience grows and the vocation deepens.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“the more aggressive cultures in the world, all Western societies included, stem from an original social organization that divided people into two classes, the impulsive and tough warriors and kings on the one hand and the more thoughtful, learned priests, judges, and royal advisors on the other. I also said that the balance of these two classes is important to the survival of such cultures and that most HSPs naturally gravitate to the royal advisor class.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“...living my life with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes...”
― Elaine N. Aron Ph.D., The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“...living my life with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brakes...”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You

“Linda Silverman, an expert on gifted children, found that the brighter the child, the more likely he or she will be introverted. Introverts are exceptionally creative even with something as simple as the number of unusual responses to a Rorschach inkblot test. They are also more flexible in a sense, in that sometimes they must do what extraverts do all the time, meet strangers and go to parties”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Jung knew the prejudice in Western culture against the introverted. He could tolerate it when it came from the extraverted. But he felt that the introverted who undervalue themselves are truly doing the world a disservice.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“In all, 70 percent of HSPs tend to be socially “introverted.” That does not mean you dislike people. It means you prefer to have a few close relationships rather than a large circle of friends and don’t usually enjoy large parties or crowds. But even the most introverted person is sometimes an extravert and enjoys a stranger or a crowd. Even the most extraverted is sometimes an introvert.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“To be introverted is simply to turn inward, towards the subject, the self, rather than outward toward the object. Introversion arises from a need and preference to protect the inner, “subjective” aspect of life, to value it more, and in particular not to allow it to be overwhelmed by the “objective” world. One cannot emphasize enough the importance of introverts”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“He has deep emotions that can lead to occasional depression, but he explores and resolves his feelings. He knows he takes things too hard but tries to allow for that.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“I am a Buddhist-Hindu-pantheist: Everything happens as it is supposed to; have fun at all costs; walk with beauty above, below, and behind.” “I often feel one with the universe.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Actually, unfair as it is, the difficult aspects of any temperament are displayed more when the home environment is sound.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Survive and Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“Perhaps with a very negative childhood, an HSP is prepared to live in a very negative world, among other people who are stressed by it.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You

“It is true for everyone, even infants. They hate to feel bored or overwhelmed.”
― Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person