The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook Quotes

“I flipped them off. Go fuck yourselves, creepy babies.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Reading the words of those who have come before me, I know them. You, reading this. I know you, too. You are me. That is who this book finds. I have been alone my whole life. I have been surrounded by my hive, yet I have been alone. That is okay, I now know. It is acceptable to have your own thoughts, your own mind, despite what they say. But it is also acceptable to be alone and want the strength of the hive. There is no shame in that. No contradiction. That is what this book attempts. To make a hive of those who will never cross paths, except in these pages. Yet sometimes this book is not enough. You sometimes want more. You want to belong. Again, there is no shame. There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren. But more importantly, there is no shame in wanting to protect those who are your hive, even if you never knew them. For they are yours, and they are being taken. It is us or it is them. There is consolation in dying in the pursuit of justice, no matter how small or big that death is.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren. But more importantly, there is no shame in wanting to protect those who are your hive, even if you never knew them. For they are yours, and they are being taken. It is us or it is them.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“From there, we went to the landing of the yellow line. The map here was identical to the map of the red line. The transit station numbers were the same, though the line itself was shaped differently, like a giant, upside-down fishhook. As I was looking at the map, the train pulled up. There were monsters on board. Not nearly as many as there’d been as the red line, but there were enough to give me pause. The train slid to a stop, and the door opened, revealing a squat, gray-skinned creature with no neck and a shark-like mouth and a pair of black, beady eyes. Wisps of black, oily hair dusted the top of the thing. The monster stood about four-and-a-half feet tall and wobbled on a pair of toothpick legs that seemed woefully unprepared for the job of holding up the creature’s corpulent, pig-like body. The monster held a wooden club filled with nails. It howled gibberish at us. Cave Mudge Bonker. Level 19. In the hierarchy of Cave Mudge society, the Bonker is about as high on the list as a commoner can get. These odd, war-like creatures are said to have once been a star-faring nation, but something happened to cause them to regress back to the stone age. Probably too much reality TV. Don’t let those skinny legs fool you. When these guys get to bonkin’, they can be pretty darn quick. There were four of them in this car. All up and down the long platform, I could see a few more scattered about the cars, their small eyes glaring at us from the windows. I caught sight of another monster, too. These were human-sized, red-maned snake creatures, like nagas with the heads of lions. They were too far away to get a description. Donut hit the Cave Mudge standing in the open door with a pair of magic missiles, and it fell over dead just as the doors started to slide closed. “Hey,” I said as the train rolled away. “I can’t believe that actually worked. We can get them, but they can’t get us.” “Let’s wait for the next train and shoot some more!” Donut said. “Guys,” Katia said as we waited for the next train. “I just told Hekla about this, and she said she and the others have been doing this all morning, racking up a”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“It tasted like metal soaked in dead rat.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“couldn’t believe people could’ve gotten this far and still remain such idiots.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Donut beamed. “We’re going dancing tonight! It’s dirty Shirley time!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Can you please stop shouting,” Donut said. “It upsets Mongo.” Mongo squawked in agreement. Carl: Now you know how I feel when you type in all caps. Donut: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING, CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“New achievement! Mentally Unstable Clothing Hoarder! You have over 500 of the exact same, stackable clothing item in your inventory. What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill. Reward: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Peaking at Number 1 on Nov 16, 1981, it’s “Physical!”   The alarm trap activated, and the Olivia Newton John”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Three Andre Norton books including the one he’d been reading, Breed to Come. I also picked up The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula K. Le Guin and The Forever War by Joe Haldeman.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“But I dreaded the idea of not being able to get into a bed, close my eyes, and not have to worry about anything for six to eight hours. That was it, wasn’t it? Sleep was my sanctuary. No matter how fucked-up the world now was, I could still get away for part of the day. Now, that luxury was being eroded. Sure, our bodies would no longer be tired. But what about our brains?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Welcome, Crawler to the fourth floor. “The Iron Tangle”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“There will be a map near the end of the book to help you understand the endgame. Until then, enjoy the ride and mind the gap. And, yes, “zomp” is really a color.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“These losers spend most of their days and nights reading. What a bunch of nerds.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Fuck yeah,” I said. I turned to Li Na and held up my hand. “High five.” She just looked at me. “If I touch you with my hand, you will experience excruciating pain throughout your entire body that will cause you to lose control of your bladder and bowels.” “Okay, then,” I said. “Moving on.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I just realized you’re the only boy here,” Donut said. “All these people, and there’s only one penis. You could start a harem. Like the guy on that Sister Wives television show.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Carl: Make sure you loot everything. You never know what might come in handy. Donut: WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A PUN?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Drek. Level 6. Everybody loves babies, right? What kind of asshole doesn’t love babies? How about demonic, ravenous, berserking babies who travel in packs of at least 50? It’s rumored these lil’ rascals can devour a full-sized elephant down to the bone in less than five seconds. And you’re a lot smaller than an elephant.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Babababoon is the king of idiotic chaos. This exclusive mob was created by taking a standard earth baboon and crossing it with the population from a Florida jail drunk tank. Not gonna lie. I’m pretty proud of this one. These guys ruin just about anything we put them in.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Anybody else want to try something?” Elle shouted. “You come for Donut or Carl, you come for all of us. I will freeze the blood in your veins and make your genitals shatter like glass!”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I reverently took the weapon from Katia’s hands. When fired at full auto, I remembered thinking this thing was like a ranged chainsaw. It was lighter than I expected. It appeared to be made of gold, but it felt almost like plastic. It was inlaid with carvings of a vulture creature. I received a nasty notification the moment I touched it. Warning: You have a dick. “Thank you for the information,” I said to the ceiling as I examined the weapon’s properties.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“But more importantly, there is no shame in wanting to protect those who are your hive, even if you never knew them. For they are yours, and they are being taken. It is us or it is them. There is consolation in dying in the pursuit of justice, no matter how small or big that death is.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Nobody was on the tracks on this line, so the worst that could happen was it went off prematurely. Or it didn’t go off at all. Or I caved in the line. Or I killed myself.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Hekla leaned back from the window, rubbing the blood and gore from her face. She suddenly grinned big and said, “There are many wonders in a cow’s head.” “Indeed,” Eva said. I had no idea what the hell that meant.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Gwendolyn Duet: Are you on crack? This is exactly what he said was going to happen. It’s literally the exact thing he warned you about. Now clear the chat.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“SQUISHED.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“And more importantly, the spell remained static in the spot where it was cast. The magical shell disappeared the moment I cast it, rocketing away toward car 16, then 17, then 18, then 19, then 20, and then away, stuck in that same place along the tracks it’d been when I cast, pushing all the mobs along with it like a bulldozer, squishing them into paste against the first surface they met.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Another had an equally-ripped shirt with the actor Nicolas Cage’s screaming face on it.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“They are hunted ruthlessly by the tunnel trolls, who like to capture and lick them. Not because they impart any sort of hallucinogenic effect. It’s just that tunnel trolls are weird-ass fuckers.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook