The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook Quotes

“They will not break me. Fuck them all. They will not break me. But I will break them. This is my promise to myself, to my friends, and to you, anyone who reads these words. I will break them all. - Crawler Carl, 25th Edition of The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“There is no shame in wanting to be alone yet also wanting the comfort and the strength of your brethren.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Kids aren’t always a product of their parents. But sometimes that doesn’t matter. Sometimes parents can cast a shadow so thick, you can drown in it.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Glurp, glurp, motherfucker,” I said before I collapsed in an exhausted heap.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!” Donut cried. She blasted a full-strength Magic Missile right into Hekla’s face.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I laughed. “Nobody is starting a harem.” “No, I suppose not,” Donut said. “You couldn’t even keep one woman interested.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Miss Beatrice once used scissors to get poop off my butt,” Donut said. “Uh huh,” I said. “Once?” “We’re having a moment here, Carl. Don’t ruin it.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Goddamnit, Donut,”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I don’t understand a word of what the fuck you just said.” The robot sighed. “I apologize, Carl. Let me translate it to earth monkey speak.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Look at how beautiful she is,” Donut whispered. “She’s like a vision of pure elegance.” “Yo,” Elle cried at the bartender. “Whose dick do I gotta suck to get another drink? Christ.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I hope you said your prayers and brought the lube, because you about to get fucked from here to eternity.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Ronaldo Qu: He didn’t say it would happen this bad. Gwendolyn Duet: Are you on crack? This is exactly what he said was going to happen. It’s literally the exact thing he warned you about. Now clear the chat.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Carl: Now you know how I feel when you type in all caps. Donut: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING, CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill. Reward: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Really, Katia,” Donut said, leaping to my shoulder. “If you need to borrow a sanitary napkin, just ask.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“But more importantly, there is no shame in wanting to protect those who are your hive, even if you never knew them. For they are yours, and they are being taken. It is us or it is them. There is consolation in dying in the pursuit of justice, no matter how small or big that death is.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“There are some pretty weird ones, though. There’s a guy here who is a mushroom. Why would you turn yourself into a mushroom? He looks like a penis.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“The moment I pulled his head through the hole, Donut snapped off the spell. I let go, and the severed head dropped to the ground, mouth still open wide. “What was that, bitch? I didn’t quite get that last part,” I said.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Katia had a special ability she didn’t like to use very often.

Rush, it was called. It turned her body into a battering ram. When activated, she blasted forward, shattering everything in her path. She could only use it once a day, and when she did use it, it knocked all the wind out of her, even if she didn’t actually hit anything. As a result, I knew she abhorred the skill, despite Mordecai’s insistence that she use it as often as possible.

Also, the skill wasn’t predictable. Sometimes when she used Rush, her body flew forward five feet. Sometimes it flew forward twenty, and there didn’t seem to be any sort of rhyme or reason to the discrepancy.

In addition, the angle in which she rushed forward wasn’t always perfectly straight. Mostly her body dashed straight forward in the direction she was facing, but sometimes, every once in a while, she flew slightly off-center.

And that’s what happened this time. Katia screamed something incomprehensible, and she activated Rush. She was aiming at her former friend Eva. She missed her by inches.

Instead, she inadvertently became the first crawler on this season of Dungeon Crawler World to kill one of the top 10 and claim a bounty.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I thought of what the late Frank had said to me, about being responsible for someone else. You don’t understand what that responsibility means, what a weight that is on your shoulders. And when you fail, it’s like being crushed, constantly crushed, only you don’t die. And the pain never stops. It just keeps coming and coming.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Why does she always type in all caps?” Katia whispered as I peered out the window. “Is it because she’s four-legged?”

“No. It’s because she’s Donut.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Carl: Donut, be cool. This doesn’t have to turn into a fight. She was trying something, and whatever it was, it didn’t work. We don’t want to fight her. “You tried to kill Katia you fucking bitch!” Donut cried. She blasted a full-strength Magic Missile right into Hekla’s face.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“I knew from experience that it was now all over. The glitter would never go away.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“And, yes, “zomp” is really a color.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Carl: Don’t make shit up. Donut: I AM TELLING THE TRUTH THAT NEEDS TO BE TOLD, CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Messages from deceased Crawlers. “Oh. Oh no,” I said. It hit me like a damn truck.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“And if there’s one thing this universe doesn’t lack, it’s idiots.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Hello, Crawler. As you’re about to find, this is a very special book. If you’re reading these words, it means this book has found its way into your hands for one purpose and one purpose only. Together, we will burn it all to the ground.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“You will not break me. Fuck you all.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook

“Can you please stop shouting,” Donut said. “It upsets Mongo.” Mongo squawked in agreement. Carl: Now you know how I feel when you type in all caps. Donut: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING, CARL.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Dungeon Anarchist's Cookbook