Puckoon Quotes

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Patience, thought Milligan, that word was invented by dull buggers who couldn't think quick enough.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Life wasn't too bad. The trouble with Man was, even while he was having a good time, he didn't appreciate it. Why, thought Milligan, this very moment might be the happiest in me life. The very thought of it made him miserable.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Author? Author? Did you write these legs?'
'Yes."
'Well, I don't like dem. I don't like 'em at all at all. I could ha' writted better legs meself.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Come, come, come? I'm not asking for hundreds of pounds, just a little to start with. Will someone say ten shillings?'
'I can say it, Father' said Milligan, 'but I haven't got it.'
'I've got it,' thought Dr Goldstein, 'but I'm not going to say it.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“The youngest member of this ageing community was ex-variety artiste, Patrick L. Balls. Fifty-nine now, he spent out his remaining years pulling a rope lift and bottling fruit. He had once whistled Ave Maria for Queen Victoria. She wasn't present at the time, but nevertheless that's who he was whistling it for.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Money! Father Rudden had tried everything to raise funds to repair the church, he even went to the bank. 'Don't be a fool, Father!' said the manager, 'Put that gun down.' Money!”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon