Thoughtfully Fit Quotes

“While some question whether Stillness is selfish, it’s the opposite. It gives you greater capacity to embrace others, like putting your own oxygen mask on first in an airplane. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“If you can consciously choose your behavior—by focusing on your choices and what you control—you will be more thoughtful, and it will be easier to deal with whatever life throws at you. This book will teach you how.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Strength is about how you show up. It requires you to choose what energy and action you want to bring to a given situation. At its heart, Strength is about self-management. It’s not about controlling your emotions—it’s about honoring them and choosing what you do next. It’s hard to stay in control and get yourself off autopilot. It takes a lot of Strength to move through the world with more thoughtfulness and intention. And sometimes it requires a heavy lift!”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Coaches provide structure, support, and accountability that help clients focus on what they control. Identifying the places where they can make significant changes, instead of focusing on the frustrations beyond their control, enables them to achieve their goals faster.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“The months following my husband John’s arrest were like a Thoughtfully Fit boot camp. I had to make many hard choices and deal with crazy thoughts and emotions (mine and others!), so I worked to Pause and Think many times a day before Acting. I won’t lie—it was exhausting. It probably would’ve been easier not to worry so much about doing things right and instead mindlessly blast my way through the mess. But that would’ve come back to haunt me later.
Thoughtfully Fit gave me the tools to come out the other side without extra emotional injuries to myself or others. While I couldn’t control what happened, being Thoughtfully Fit was how I recognized that I did control what happened next. That was a source of power: to explore the choices instead of being a victim. It also helped me access compassion and forgiveness.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“When you’re working at an unsustainable pace, when you feel emotionally flooded, when things are moving so fast you can’t keep up, then you need to add Stillness to your day. The goal is to take however much time you need to quiet your mind.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“When you’re aware of your thoughts, you’re able to consciously choose how you behave. When you aren’t aware, you go on autopilot and are likely to act without thinking. But if you can pay attention to what’s going on in your mind—and how it’s affecting the stories you’re telling yourself in any given moment—you can choose to adjust your behavior to get the best outcome. You can identify the choices available to you and focus on what you control, rather than be a victim of your thoughts and circumstances.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“I promise you, there will be no push-ups. I’m not going to have you run laps. And I definitely won’t have you do any dreaded chin-ups. Your life is the gym and the training ground. Think of it as circuit training for your mind. Allow me to be your coach.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Even our most misguided adventures were some of the best experiences of my life.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“I’ve chosen to open this painful chapter in my life to inspire belief in what’s possible for your life.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Darcy, what’s going on at your house? There are forty to fifty police cars, a SWAT team, and officers with guns surrounding your house. They just took John out barefoot in handcuffs. He wouldn’t look at us as they escorted him to the police car and drove him away. I don’t know what’s going on, but I wanted to call to ask where the girls are, because you definitely don’t want them to see this.”
I stood in the hallway, stunned. Paralyzed. Speechless. But there was no time for inaction. My mind flooded as I tried to make sense of what I needed to do next.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“I had no idea what was happening, other than the few words the detective said when I asked if she could tell me what John had been arrested for. Sexual assault of a fifteen-year-old girl.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t say anything about this to anyone other than your lawyer. (By the end of the day, I had hired three lawyers: One to deal with the criminal case and a divorce lawyer. And a third lawyer for John.) Don’t answer any questions. It’s going to be difficult, but you have to resist the urge to talk to anyone.
The irony of these words would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so devastating. Not talking to anyone was a tall order for someone who has made a living encouraging others (and myself) to be more vulnerable, connected, and present in all relationships. Someone whose life’s work, and true passion, lies in talking with others about things that matter. And now, at the very moment I needed to connect with people, I was told I couldn’t talk to anyone.
I’ve never felt so alone, so shattered, and so scared for the future.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Over the next weeks and months, my daughters had to learn to live without their father, and me without my husband. In addition to the overwhelming, everyday tasks like buying groceries, making meals, and getting the girls to their activities, I suddenly had to navigate the legal system and file for divorce. I had to figure out the nearly impossible feat of owning a small business and solo parenting two active, preteen girls. I learned the hard way that you have to remove the leaves from the gutter if you don’t want your basement to flood. I had to muster the courage to pull the hair out of the shower drain. I had to somehow find the time and energy to decontaminate the entire house when the dreaded scourge that is lice made its unwanted appearance. And I had to do it all with the added anger, sadness, and sheer frustration that these were all things John used to take care of.
As tempting as it was to collapse, I had two girls who needed me now more than ever. I needed my business to survive. I had a mountain of legal bills—tens of thousands of dollars and increasing daily. As a business owner, if I didn’t work, I didn’t get paid. Stepping away to take care of my mental and emotional state was a luxury I couldn’t afford.
I had to balance what was best for my business in the long term with what the girls and I needed in the short term. I had to get through each day and keep moving forward. This meant I toggled back and forth between dealing with this trauma and running a business. I lived in a constant state of holding it all together, while simultaneously watching it all fall apart.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“My life changed forever in 2016 when my beloved stay-at-home husband was arrested for sexual assault of a minor. He was dragged out of our home in handcuffs by a SWAT team, never to return.
As tempting as it was to collapse, that wasn’t an option—especially for the sake of my two young daughters. Instead, I relied on what I know best: coaching.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Strength is an internal practice that focuses on your ability to be in control. If you want to be an effective leader, whether in your home or professional life, first you need internal Strength.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“I sometimes describe conflict as dandelions. At first one pops up—maybe someone says something that rubs you the wrong way, and it’s not such a big deal. It’s a surface issue. No need to spray pesticides. Mow over it, and it’ll go away. Or better yet, ignore it.
But then it goes to seed. That’s okay! The seeds are pretty, then they blow away, and your dandelion is gone. Except it isn’t gone; it’s just hiding. Until next spring, when you wake up and your entire yard is full of dandelions.
In the book Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places, the authors point out that one of the biggest challenges is to learn how to manage a conflict when you’re already firmly entrenched in it.4 So, it’s better to deal with it before you’re firmly entrenched. The best way to get rid of dandelions is to pull out the roots when you first notice them. It’s the same with conflict, which is best resolved when you address it immediately, before it grows roots and spreads.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“If you avoid conflict, you may not speak up in many situations because you value harmony over all else. While this might make others find you super easy to work with, if you’re never speaking your truth, you probably have out-of-balance relationships. Relationships where you’re overfunctioning.
Similarly, if you have strong opinions, you might inadvertently be forcing them on others, although you feel you’re being passionate. You may also tend to be too direct, which can shut other people down and damage relationships.
You might have different defaults in different situations. Some people are more forceful at work but give in easily with family, or vice versa. By recognizing patterns in your own behavior, you’ll be better able to adjust in ways that’ll help you get your relationships back in balance.
And if you’re up for a little truth-telling, it’s not a bad idea to ask people around you what they think your default is. Sometimes we have blind spots, and it’s hard to be honest with ourselves.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Accountability can be hard to create on your own. And sometimes people get hung up on the idea of even asking for accountability. There’s an idea that if you have to ask for support, you must not want or deserve to accomplish that goal. However, accountability is essential and is a sign of your commitment, not of weakness.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“If you can begin to stretch for complete acceptance, you’ll be in a place where you can focus on things you can change. Flexibility does not mean nothing can change, but it does mean that you stop trying to change others. Go ahead and change your own behavior, your reactions, your willingness to engage, and anything else you can control that will improve things. But don’t wait for other people to change.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“We all have patterns and defaults, including in the roles we play at work. The better you can accept others for who they are, the easier it will be to work with them. Flexibility will help provide an environment where everyone feels accepted for their unique strengths and skills.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Flexibility, like all the Thoughtfully Fit practices, is something you need to work on to improve. Start simple, such as with the outrageous dresser at the parent-teacher meeting or the glacially slow cashier at the convenience store. Find the places where things are none of your business and affect you the least, and use those as your training ground. You’ll be building your Flexibility muscles, so they’ll be ready in more challenging circumstances.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Oftentimes, your Flexibility practice won’t be visible to someone else, as it may be just letting go and moving on. In those instances, that will be for your benefit. But finding a way to demonstrate empathy or compassion, as opposed to judgment or avoidance, can also help strengthen the relationship.
If you can’t accept and move on, can you get curious? Rather than making assumptions about what the other person is thinking or feeling, ask them. This can still feel like judgment, and so part of your job is to feel curious, not pretend or go through the motions. You need to try to move past your initial feelings and get to a place of curiosity and, ultimately, acceptance of what is.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Let’s face it: we judge. We all do. It’s part of our humanity. We might never say anything aloud, but we judge, or at the least, we wish others would be different or act differently. Admit it: when you’re at the grocery store, are you secretly looking at someone else’s cart and thinking, Ooh, don’t you know diet soda will kill you? Gosh, that’s loaded with carbs.
When you experience or observe behavior you don’t like, Pause and Think by asking yourself: Is this in my control? Is this any of my business?
When it’s not your business and/or not in your control, you need to Act by practicing Flexibility.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Many of us spend time thinking about all the ways other people could be different. Flexibility allows us to save our time and energy for things we can control.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“When you start accepting others just as they are, you’ll have more energy to invest in things that are most important to you, personally and professionally.
Does this sound impossible? Consider this: If you can’t accept other people as they are, can you at least accept that you cannot change them?”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Letting go of judgment and accepting others just as they are is difficult. However, it’s one of the most powerful Thoughtfully Fit practices. Flexibility teaches us the value of acceptance—full and unconditional acceptance of others. Even, or maybe especially, when you don’t agree with their choices or behaviors. It’s much easier to accept others when we agree with them 100 percent.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“When you’re working to find Balance in a relationship, chances are you’ll have to confront any conflict head-on. These conversations have all kinds of names, but whether you call them crucial, fierce, or difficult, they’re necessary for relationships to grow in a positive and productive way.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“Agility is about overriding defaults. For me, a good way to accomplish that is to remember what happened the last time I went on autopilot. Ask yourself: What was the outcome? Is that something I want to repeat?
If the results weren’t good in the past, don’t use the same recipe! Try something different. If you tend to get frustrated and other people get defensive, see if you can be kinder. If you’re a yeller, see if you can deliver the same message with a calm demeanor and a more compassionate “inside” voice.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success

“When we think about physical fitness, agility centers on your ability to move quickly and easily. To make adjustments to what’s happening around you. To help you stay on your feet when you get thrown off balance.”
― Darcy Luoma, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success