The Man Who Died Twice Quotes

“More women are murdering people these days,” says Joyce. “If you ignore the context, it is a real sign of progress.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“And if one is never lost in life, then clearly one has never traveled anywhere interesting.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Why diet at eighty-two?” says Joyce. “What’s a sausage roll going to do to you? Kill you? Well, join the queue.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“So what do I do now?” “You climb the next mountain, of course.” “Oh, yeah, of course,” says Donna. Simple. “And what’s up the next mountain?” “Well, we don’t know, do we? It’s your mountain. No one’s ever climbed it before.” “And what if I don’t want to? What if I just want to go home and cry every night and pretend to everyone that everything’s okay?” “Then do that. Keep being scared, keep being lonely. And spend the next twenty years coming to see me, and I will keep telling you the same thing. Put your boots on and climb the next mountain. See what’s up there. Friends, promotions, babies. It’s your mountain.” “Will there be other mountains after that one?” “There will.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Some people in life, Sue, are weather forecasters, whereas other people are the weather itself.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“People love to sleep, and yet they are so frightened of death.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Don’t get a small dog though, Joyce,’ says Ron. ‘Small dogs are like small men: always got a point to prove. Yapping it up, barking at cars.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Revenge is not a straight line, it’s a circle. It’s a grenade that goes off while you’re still in the room, and you can’t help but be caught in the blast.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“You are simply a little lost, Donna. And if one is never lost in life, then clearly one has never traveled anywhere interesting.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“It was the perfect trip, and as far as Stephen was concerned, the whole weekend was one magical accident. And that's because he is the weather, and I am the weather forecaster. He believes in fate, while I am fate.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“You must die before your children, of course, because you have taught them to live without you. But not your dog.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“And, by the by, Joanna solved the mystery of my private messages. She went into my account and searched all of them for me. She told me that if I didn't want to be sent an endless tide of photographs of men's genitals, I should really change my username. Needless to say, I haven't changed it.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“It is fine to say ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ It is admirable. But it no longer applies when you’re eighty. When you are eighty, whatever doesn’t kill you just ushers you through the next door, and the next door and the next, and all of these doors lock behind you.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“I am learning that it is important to stop sometimes, and just have a drink and a gossip with friends, even as corpses start to pile up around you. Which they have been doing a lot recently.

It's a balancing act, of course, but, by and large, the corpses will still be there in the morning, and you mustn't let it spoil your Domino's.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“I’m involved about as much as I want to be with the Thursday Murder Club. If they can plant cocaine in someone’s cistern, I don’t want to think about what they’d do with my love life.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“We are all gone in the blink of an eye, and there is nothing to do but live while you’re waiting.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“She had used all the tricks in the book to encourage him, to convince him, to cajole him into looking after himself. But it turned out that, all along, the only real motivation he needed to change was to start having sex with her mum. You have to be so careful what you wish for.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“No animal is better than any other animal. We are all just a collection of atoms smashed together. Even people. Even trees.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“That twinkle in his eye was undimmed. The twinkle that gave an entirely undeserved suggestion of wisdom and charm. The twinkle that could make you walk down the aisle with a man almost ten years your junior and regret it within months. The twinkle you soon realize is actually the beam of a lighthouse, warning you off the rocks.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“What if pretending to enjoy life is the same as actually enjoying it? He has been smiling from the moment Patrice arrived, so perhaps there was something in it.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“kneeling over the age of sixty-five is a pipe dream, so she sits on the step above instead. Elizabeth kneels. Is there nothing she can’t do?”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Good to see you, Elizabeth. Are those flowers for me?” “No, I have taken to carrying flowers around with me as an affectation,” says Elizabeth, handing them over as she is ushered in.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Patrice has fallen in love before, and this is beginning to show all the signs. That might just be the wine and the Jane Austen, though.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“I’d outlive a dog through pure spite,’ says Ron. ‘We’d just sit in opposite corners of the room, staring each other out, and see who went first. Not me. It’s like when we were negotiating with British Leyland in ’seventy-eight. The moment one of their lot went to the loo first, I knew we had ’em.’ Ron knocks back more wine. ‘Never go to the loo first. Tie a knot in it if you have to.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Elizabeth taps her head. “My palace has many rooms. Some are dustier than others.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“They say a man who desires revenge should dig two graves, and this is surely right.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Let it go. Remember it as a happy time. You were at the top of the mountain, and now you’re in a valley. It will happen to you a number of times.” “So what do I do now?” “You climb the next mountain, of course.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Because things are more fun for you when they’re not planned, and they were more fun for him when they were planned. It’s best to have one of each in every relationship.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“Does it hurt?" asks Ibrahim.
"Only when I breathe," says Donna.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice

“The weather forecasters,” continues Elizabeth, “and here that’s me and Ibrahim—we always have our fingers in the air, trying to feel which way the wind is blowing. We never want to be surprised or caught out.”
― Richard Osman, The Man Who Died Twice