Eleven on Top Quotes

“Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down."
I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I'm sorry about your Porsche."

"I can replace the Porsche. I can't replace you. You need to be more careful."

I was just sitting in your car!"

Babe, you're a magnet for disaster.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Give me the gun." Ranger said.
I extracted the gun from my pants and handed it over.
Ranger held the gun in the pulm of his hand and smiled. "It's warm," he said. He put the gun in the glove compartment and plugged the key into the ignition.
Am I fired?"
No. Any women who can heat up a gun like that is worth keeping around.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Cupcake , you've been breaking my heart for as long as I've known you”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Ranger cradled my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from my eyes. "The ceremony is over. Can you make it back to the car?"
I nodded. "I'm okay now. Am I red and blotchy from crying?"
"Yes," Ranger said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. "I love you anyway."
"There's all kinds of love," I said.
Ranger took me by the hand and led me back to the SUV. "This is the kind that doesn't call for a ring. But a condom might come in handy."
"That's not love," I told him. "That's lust.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“That might work," I said. "I'm good at faking it."

This led to a couple moments of uncomfortable silence from both of us.

"You didn't mean... ?" Morelli asked.

"No. Of course not."

"Never?"

"Maybe once."

His eyes narrowed. "Once?"

"It's all that comes to mind. It was the time we were late for your Uncle Spud's birthday party."

"I remember that. That was great. You're telling me you faked it?"

"We were late! I couldn't concentrate. It seemed like the best way to go.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“For the most part, Ranger had a consistent personality.
He wasn't a guy who wasted a lot of unnecessary energy and effort. He moved and he spoke with an efficient ease that was more animal than human. And he didn't telegraph his emotions. Unless Ranger had his tongue in my mouth it was usually impossible to tell what he was thinking. But every now and then, Ranger would step out of the box, and like a little treat that was doled out on special occasions, Ranger would make an entirely outrageous sexual statement.
At least it would be outrageous coming from an ordinary guy... from Ranger it seemed on the mark.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Of course it's your fault," Grandma said. "You must be doing something wrong, if you know what I mean. Maybe you need to buy a book that tells you how to do it. I hear there are books out there with pictures and everything. I saw one in the store the other day. It was called A Sex Guide for Dummies.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I plunked down on the couch beside him.

"I don't have any accomplishments of any kind. I'm stupid and boring. I don't have any hobbies. I don't play sports. I don't write poetry. I don't travel to interesting places. I don't even have a good job."

"That doesn't make you stupid and boring," Morelli said.

"Well, I feel stupid and boring. And I wanted to feel interesting. And somehow, someone told my mother and grandmother that I played the cello. I guess it was me...only it was like some foreign entity took possession of my body. I heard the words coming out of my mouth, but I'm sure they originated in some other brain. And it was so simple at first. One small mention. And then it took on a life of it's own. And next thing, everyone knew."

"And you can't play the cello."

"I'm not even sure this is a cello."

Morelli went back to smiling. "And you think you're boring? No way, Cupcake."

"What about the stupid part?"

Morelli threw his arm around me. "Sometimes that's a tough call.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Go figure that. Joseph Morelli with a house, a dog, a steady job, and an SUV. And on odd days of the month he woke up wanting to marry me. It turns out want to marry him on even days of the month, so to date we've been spared commitment.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Men!"
"At least we don't fake it."
"Listen, it was your uncle. And we were late, remember? So I made the sacrifice and got us there in time for dessert. You should be thanking me."
Morelli's mouth was open slightly and his face was registering a mixture of astonished disbelief and wounded, pissed-off male pride.
Okay, it wasn't that much of a sacrifice at the time, and I knew he shouldn't be thanking me, but give me a break here... this wasn't famine in Ethiopia”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“We got into the Explorer, and I couldn’t sit with the gun rammed into my pants. “I can’t do this,” I said to Ranger. “This dumb gun is too big. It’s poking me.” Ranger closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wheel. “I can’t believe I hired you.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“You shouldn’t be driving,” Morelli said to Kloughn. “I know,” Kloughn said. “I tried walking, but I was too drunk. It’s okay. I was driving very slooooowly and ’sponsibly.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I trudged down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk examining my car. Deep scratch in the roof from a misplaced bullet. Hole in windsheild plus embeddedbullet in passenger seat. Bashed-in right rear quarter panel and right passenger-side door from slegehammer. Previous damage from creepy gun attack by insane stalker, And someone had spray painted EAT ME on the driver's side door.
"Your car's a mess,"Lula said. "I don't know what it is with you and cars.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I’ll have Ella order some Rangeman shirts for you. If you decide to go back to Vinnie you can keep the shirts.” Ranger almost smiled. “I like the idea of you wearing my name on your breast.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Uh oh,” Lula said. “Here comes Officer Hottie, and he don’t look happy.” Morelli moved behind me and curled his fingers into the back of my jacket collar. “I need to talk to you . . . outside.” “I wouldn’t go if I was you,” Lula said to me. “He’s wearing his mad cop face. At least you should make him leave his gun here.” Morelli shot Lula a look, and she buried her head in the chicken bucket.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“You were worried about me?” “No,” Hal said. “I was worried Ranger would kill me if I lost you.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I crossed the room at a run, barreled through the door to take the stairs, and crashed into Ranger. We lost balance and rolled tangled together to the fourth-floor landing. We lay there for a moment, stunned and breathless. Ranger was flat on his back, and I was on top of him.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Never leave cubby. Work appears when cubby is left unattended.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Stand back. I'm going to give the eye.'
Grandma pulled a .45 long barrel out of her black patent leather purse and pointed it at Bella. 'You put your finger to your eye and I'll put a hole in your head that's so big you could push a potato through it.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“You got no control.'
'Excuse me?' my mother said. 'No control? I am the queen of control. Look at this family. I have a daughter in Disney World with Oogily-Woogily Smoochikins. I have a granddaughter who thinks she's a horse. I have a mother who thinks she's a teenager.' She turned to me. 'And you! I don't even know where to begin.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“basement.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“I ran through the store gathering together some basic foods. Bread, cheese, Tastykakes, peanut butter, cereal, milk, Tastykakes, eggs, frozen pizza, Tastykakes, orange juice, apples, lunch meat, and Tastykakes.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“(…)jestem półprzytomnym nieszczęściem, potykającym się o własne nogi.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“chicken remains, wads of paper towels, empty soup cans, lunch-meat wrappers, and God knows what else.”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“Ranger raised my bruised and bloody wrist to his mouth and kissed it. “I’m sorry to have to do this to you, but there”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top

“my leg over the bike. Ranger was watching me, smiling. “I like the way you straddle that,” he said. “Someday . . .”
― Janet Evanovich, Eleven on Top