Hold On, But Don't Hold Still Quotes

“Give yourself more credit than criticism and more grace than judgment.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Parenting is about raising myself as much as it is about raising my kids.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“When I drop my kids off at school in the morning, I often frame my farewells with an emphasis on their responsibility to look for the good. Instead of saying, "Have a great day!" I'll say, "Choose to make it a great day!" Because I do believe it is a choice. We've all met people who seem to have it all and yet are completely miserable. And then we've met people who have next to nothing, have weathered many trials, and lost so much, yet carry themselves with such lightness. There's a Croatian saying that goes "Svako je kocač svoje sreće." It means "Everyone is a blacksmith of their joy." We should make an effort to create happiness in our lives instead of blaming our unhappiness on everyone else and everything else.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“I noticed early on in motherhood that my children inherited my tendency toward the negative. Years ago, while driving home from a soccer game, I was listening to my kids whine about their day. Practically everything made their list of complaints, and I was sick of it. I decided something had to change, so I made up a new game.

"All right, Luka and Matea," I yelled from the front seat, "I have a new game for us. It's called Yeah, But. Every time you have something negative to say, you have to follow it up with a 'Yeah, but . . . " and then add something positive. I'll start. Ugh, I'm almost out of gas and the last thing I feel like doing right now is stopping at a gas station. Yea, but . . . I have a car! And I have money for gas, and I don't ever want to take those things for granted. Okay, your turn now.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“But what did I have to be embarrassed about? It wasn't my fault. The only person who should have been embarrassed by his behavior was the man who had violated me. Why was I carrying around his shame for him? Why are women always running around picking up men's shame like dirty socks.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“When I was nineteen years old, I was babysitting a little five-year-old girl. She kept drawing picture after picture, and as I saw there watching her draw, I asked, "Do you want to be an artist when you grow up?"

"What do you mean?"

"An artist," I replied. "Is that what you want to be when you grow up?"

She looked at me, confused, and said, "But I already am an artist."

She was right. She didn't need to wait to grow up in order to be an artist. She already was one. Childhood is not a rehearsal for life; childhood is life and children are already whole people.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“It's important to note that most judgmental mom shamers don't actually see themselves as judgmental mom shamers. They just like to share their opinions. Out loud. So here's a really easy, single-question quiz to figure out if you're an ass or not: Does every opinion you have need to be voiced? If your answer is yes, you're an ass.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“That's why I do the birthday cake thing a little differently with my kids. At candle time, I scream, "Make a wish! Say it out loud! Yell it at the top of your lungs!" And then we all cheer for each other's biggest dreams and do what we can to make sure they come true for one another.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“When things get really confusing and I feel like I want to strangle one of my kids and we're escalating toward a full-on intense argument, I do my best to force myself to walk away. Because I believe the only thing harder than parenting a teenager is being a teenager.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“The difference between being your kid's best friend and being their ally is the difference between being nice and being kind; the first is about a desire to be liked and the second is about a deeper desire to make a positive, lasting difference in someone's life. My job is not to be liked by my kids. And I don't take it personally when my kids don't like me, because their well-being is more important to me than their opinion of me. My hope is that if I raise them well, with enough love and structure, then one day they'll grow up to be the kind of good and decent people I have the privilege of calling friends.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“As we were talking about our families, we got to talking about parenting teenagers and he [Andre Agassi] said something that really stuck with me: "We raise our children for about fourteen years, and then we just mitigate risk."

We only have a dozen or so years to instill in our children the core values we hope will guide them through the rest of their lives. After that, our influence wanes and their independence blossoms. We never really ever stop parenting, but our years of intense influence eventually fade . . .”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“I want to live in a world where gay children don't have to feel like outsiders, don't have to play be different rules, and don't have to prepare a big coming-out speech or be terrified of whether or not their mom and dad will love and embrace them for who they are. I want to live in a world where everyone comes out. Every one. Gay and straight. A world where parents wouldn't assume anything. We wouldn't suspect or gossip. We would wait. We would listen. We would believe our kids when they tell us who they are. And then we'd let them know that they are wonderful and they are loved just the way they are. I want that for others because it's also what I want for myself -- to be accepted for who I am. Isn't that what we all want?”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Getting married doesn't mean that the search for love is over. The search for the person to love is over; the search for how to love that person is just beginning.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Here's something I learned along the way: pay attention to whether a behavior is a pattern or an event. We all have really bad days, and we all do stupid things and hurt people. We just do. And if what's getting under your skin is a negative event--meaning the behavior is out of character--then dip into your supply of grace and understanding, talk it out, and let it go. It's what you'd want in return. But if what's causing you pain is part of a negative pattern, if it's something that keeps happening and no effort is put toward remedying the behavior, well, then you have a pretty grim decision to make: stay or walk away. (Walk away!)”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“We are taught from girlhood to be nice and to protect other people's feelings, even at the expense of our own well-being. We learn, by example, that we are supposed to cater to everyone else around us. We cater to the men in our lives. We cater to our children. We cater to our friends. We cater to strangers. Does everyone have what they need? Is everyone feeling good and doing great? I address the concerns of others without even thinking, as automatically as a reflex, but when it comes to taking care of myself I have to pause and remember to ask myself, *Wait, do I have everything I need? Am I feeling good and doing great?*”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Whenever I'm feeling like a terrible person or a terrible parent, it's usually not because I'm truly terrible but *because I am telling myself a bad story about me.* Stories are powerful things. Tell yourself a story often enough, and it can start to shape your reality.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Part of the process of getting to know my children is helping them figure out what they're passionate about. And when I say passionate, I don't mean just, "What do you love?" I also want to know, "What angers you? What angers you about the world? What breaks your heart?" Pay attention to all the strong emotions, whether they're good or bad, because intensity shows how genuinely they care about something. If I can get my kids to pinpoint what really makes them *feel* and then combine that with who they are-- hyper, talkative, patient, great at math--I can help them begin to map out what they're meant to do with their lives.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“My job is not to decide who my kids are. My job is to get to know them, really get to know them, and then be their cheerleader and help them make the most of their strengths, even the ones I might find annoying at times.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“I am one of the most powerful, influential people in their lives, whether I want that power or not. They will remember and carry the words I say for a very long time. And they will believe them.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“When we live inside the what-ifs and our memories of every bad thing that has happened in our past or every bad thing that could happen in the future, we miss the possibilities for joy and beauty.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“There is strength in kindness. Kindness comes from a deeper place of morals and values, of wanting to do the right thing because ultimately it betters the world. Kindness is looking out for other humans by doing what might make some people or myself uncomfortable in the short term, like exposing sexist, derogatory pigs for what they are.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“It is an act of love to listen to a sad story someone is telling about themselves and then help them spin it so it’s maybe a little less sad and a little more meaningful. It can be both simple and profound to step up and be someone’s emotional PR rep. As much as you might want to, you can’t fix someone else’s problems for them and it doesn’t make anyone feel better to hear that their situation isn’t as bad as it seems, so resist the misguided impulse to recast their reality for them that way. But just listening without judgment and reframing their narrative with compassion is one of the kindest things you can do for your children, your spouse, and especially yourself.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“You don’t expect a seven-year-old to know how to do certain things the very first time around. If it’s your first time parenting in a certain situation, give yourself the same grace you’re giving your child. Let yourself mess up without beating yourself up for it.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life

“Mind your own motherhood”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“But we trick ourselves into thinking our worry is protective or preventative, that working through every possible scenario somehow prepares us for the worst. But our negativity does not immunize us against the fallout or stress of the worst-case scenarios when they arrive.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“This is so important that I wish I could grab every single one of you by the shoulders, look you in the eye, and say it to you over and over again until it starts to sink it: Please choose to give yourself more credit than criticism and more grace than judgment. You deserve it. And it will change you.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“When someone is judging you, it's unlikely that their judgment is actually about you. As I see it, we're all carrying around a bunch of suitcases. We have our insecurities suitcase. We have our stress suitcase. We have our guilt and our worries suitcases. Some suitcases we might have been carrying since our childhood, stories we were told about who we are that aren't even true. They're fiction that we were handed, picked up, believed, and still carry. Sometimes a person comes along with one of their suitcases, with their issues all packed up and ready to go, and they try to hand it to us. Do not pick up that suitcase! Do not pick it up! Because if you pick up their suitcase, you will be up all night, worrying if what they said about you is true, stressing yourself out, questioning yourself, getting bitter, and feeding your insecurities. Over a suitcase that never belonged to you in the first place.

So if people keep trying to hand off their suitcases to you like you're a bellhop, you might need to break up with them the same way you would break off an unhealthy relationship with an emotionally abusive boyfriend. And as you go through life, trying to figure out how to ferry around those suitcases that do belong to you (and we all have our own stuff . . . the stuffiest of stuffs!), don't try to hand those off to someone else as a way to try to get rid of your pain. Instead, sit down with a friend or a great therapist and have a big, nonjudgmental "let's unpack these suitcases together" session.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“When my firstborn turned six months old, I decided that this milestone was definitely worth celebrating. And what started as a one-off event quickly became a family tradition: For my kids' half birthdays I make half a cake (it looks like someone just cut a cake down the middle and made the other half disappear), and we sing every other syllable of the "Happy Birthday" song (I'm really good at complicating things, and singing only the first half of the song seemed unfair to the second half). We don't do gifts or a big bash, and we don't blow out candles and make wishes, because wishes should be made only full throttle. We just end the day with a little celebration after dinner, something kind of silly and fun. And cake. Because everything in life should end with sugar.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“Instead of simply teaching our sons that girls are meant to be protect, we need to get them excited about helping to to create a world where girls don't have to be afraid anymore. We need to make it very clear to our sons that they are not just doing women a favor by standing up against sexism. They are actually fighting for a stronger, smarter, kinder world, one that is possible only if women are treated equally. Let's raise incredible guys who will know their worth as decent, responsible men and capable, involved, loving dads.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still

“nice is about superficially behaving in a way that makes other people feel comfortable.”
― Kristina Kuzmic, Hold On, But Don't Hold Still: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life