No Hard Feelings Quotes

“Success depends on psychological safety. At Google, members of teams with high levels of psychological safety were less likely to leave their jobs, brought in more revenue, and were rated effective twice as often by executives. MIT researchers who studied team performance came to the same conclusion: simply grouping smart people together doesn’t guarantee a smart team. Online and off, the best teams discuss ideas frequently, do not let one person dominate the conversation, and are sensitive to one another’s feelings.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Work provides us with a sense of purpose and can offer instant gratification in the form of praise, raises, and promotions. But the more we tie who we are to what we do, the more we emotionally attach to our jobs.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and How They Help Us Succeed

“Create psychological safety by encouraging open discussion, answering questions without condescension, and making it okay to take risks and admit mistakes. Don’t shy away from task conflict. Instead, create structures that prevent creative clashes from becoming personal. For relationship conflict, listen to the other person and calmly share your perspective. Get rid of (or if you can’t, contain) bad apples to preserve psychological safety on your team.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Constant happiness is unattainable (or at least we have yet to experience it personally). We usually describe ourselves as “happy” when we get more than we already had or when we find out we are a little better off than those around us. Neither of these are permanent states. Contentedness, on the other hand, can be more emotionally stable. The most content people craft their ups and downs into redemption stories: something bad happened, but something good resulted.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“A great way to make critiques generative is to ask people to share ideas that are either quick fixes, small steps that make a meaningful impact, or a way to rethink the entire thing.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“You need to learn to navigate two main types of conflict: task conflict (the clash of creative ideas) and relationship conflict (personality-driven arguments). Task and relationship conflict are often related: it’s hard not to take disagreement over ideas personally.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Every person on a team knows something that no one else knows. That’s why teams exist: you need more than one person’s set of ideas and skills to solve a problem.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Focus less on your own importance and more on those around you. Compassion helps us become resilient: it improves our immune response, reduces our stress levels, and is associated with the pleasure networks in our brains. One way to practice compassion is to ask a colleague, “What’s on your mind and how can I help?” Of course, if you consistently put someone else’s needs ahead of your own, you’ll eventually be utterly drained and resentful. Make sure you’re aware of your emotional limits to avoid compassion fatigue.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Researchers differentiate between strategic optimists and defensive pessimists (like Liz): strategic optimists envision best possible outcomes and try to make them happen whereas defensive pessimists tend to focus on what could go wrong and then work hard to avoid those situations. In studies, these groups perform equally well except when defensive pessimists are forced to cheer up.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Show vulnerability when assessing a difficult situation, but present a clear path forward. Become a student of the people you manage: avoid telling people what to feel, listen carefully, and manage individually. Prioritize yourself and seek support from other leaders to avoid emotional leaks that negatively affect your reports. Understand the challenges you and others may face in leadership positions and take steps to reduce them.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Be kind; emotions are contagious, which means your actions can have a positive influence on your entire organization’s emotional culture. Create a culture of belonging through microactions: say “hello,” invite people into conversations, or help a new hire meet others. Share stories about who you are, not what you do, and invite others to do the same. Don’t ignore the emotional burdens your colleagues may carry.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Not belonging or a sense of isolation is among the strongest predictors of turnover.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“During a difficult conversation, calmly address your feelings without making assumptions. Be aware of communication tendencies to better understand the intention behind someone’s words. Make criticism specific and actionable. Ask the recipient how they prefer to receive feedback. Emotionally proofread what you write before hitting Send.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“(turns out competent jerks are like five-inch heels—we think we’ll find a use for them, but then we decide they’re too painful). And with good reason: working with jerks leaves us anxious, depressed, and unable to sleep.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“This person has beliefs, perspectives, and opinions, just like me. This person has hopes, anxieties, and vulnerabilities, just like me. This person wants to feel respected, appreciated, and competent, just like me.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU: What are some honest, unfiltered things about you? What drives you nuts? What are your quirks? What qualities do you particularly value in people who work with you? What are some things that people might misunderstand about you that you should clarify? HOW TO WORK WITH YOU: What’s the best way to communicate with you? What hours do we want to work together? Where and how do we want to work? (Same room, what kinds of meetings, what kinds of file sharing?) What are our goals for this team? What are our concerns about this team? How will we make decisions? What types of decisions need consensus? How will we deal with conflict? How do we want to give and receive feedback? (One-on-one, in a group, informally, or during a specified time each week—like at a retrospective?)”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“The best way to navigate potential conflict is to preemptively create structures that help communicate preferences and work styles.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“When you think of your childhood, what meal comes to mind and why?”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Recognize that listening to your feelings is not the same as acting on your feelings. Keep relevant emotions (those related to the decision you’re facing); toss irrelevant emotions (those unrelated to the decision you’re facing). Do not rely on emotion when deciding whether or not to hire a candidate. Use structured interviews to reduce biased hiring decisions. Before an external negotiation, come to an inner consensus.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Take the break you can, whether it’s a vacation, a day off, or a minibreak. Make time to be rigorously unproductive, see friends and family, and step away from your email and phone. Stop feeling bad about feeling bad. Reframe your stress as motivation or excitement. Prevent rumination by viewing your thoughts as simply thoughts, not as inevitable truths. Stay in the present and take care of the things within your control.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Psychologist Nick Wignall schedules five to fifteen minutes every day to write down all his anxieties. He then highlights everything that is (1) an actual problem, (2) urgent (it must be done in the next day or two), and (3) within his control.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Caring too much about a job is unhelpful and unhealthy. It makes small problems seem exceptional and throwaway remarks feel appalling. And it’s not only leaders or women or Virgos who care too much: it’s possible to be overly attached to any job at any level. That’s why we came up with the first new rule of emotion at work: Be less passionate about your job.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“The most content people craft their ups and downs into redemption stories: something bad happened, but something good resulted”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and How They Help Us Succeed

“Focus less on your own importance and more on those around you.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work and How They Help Us Succeed

“Be less passionate about your job” doesn’t mean “stop caring about work.” It means care more about yourself. It means carve out time for the people you love, for exercise, and for a guilt-free vacation. It means remind yourself that few people look back at their lives and wish they had stayed at the office until 10:00 P.M.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“But the downside to more collaboration is more conflict.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Sadness How it affects you: When we’re sad, we see the glass as half empty. Emotional funks make us overestimate the chances of something bad happening to us. We set lower expectations for ourselves and are more likely to pick the option that gives us something now instead of tomorrow. But feeling down in the dumps can also make us more likely to take the time to carefully think through”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“Start a side project. Side projects are a great way to engage a different set of muscles than those you use at work and can be one of the most rewarding ways to learn a new skill.”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work

“But the best way to decide what to learn is to take a step back and figure out why you want to learn. What do you want to accomplish?”
― Liz Fosslien, No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work