The Librarian's Vampire Assistant 2 Quotes

“Silence!" Mr. Nice Yells. "Or I will begin plucking out eyeballs! Through your buttholes!”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, The Librarian's Vampire Assistant 2

“vampires do walk in the sun, contrary to popular belief. We simply hate the hell out of it, similar to how cats hate baths, children hate bedtime, and men hate listening. Vampires. Hate. Sunshine.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, The Librarian's Vampire Assistant 2

“Way to go. The last thing I want is to torment this poor woman with my potent masculinity. It is a curse to be so virile.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, The Librarian's Vampire Assistant 2

“There simply is no pleasant way to say it, and I have gone through the entire list of options, ranging from “Hey. Being dead and drinking blood is not as bad as you think. It is worse!” to “Watching the world drift by while you are frozen in time for all eternity is miserable, but you will get used to it.” Obviously, nothing truthful works, yet I have promised to never lie to her again.”
― Mimi Jean Pamfiloff, The Librarian's Vampire Assistant 2