One Hot Mess Quotes

“Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Tequila--a sure cure for monogamy.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“He's just a flash in the pants.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“When in doubt, shoot 1st and ask questions later, but avoid the head, "because they'rea lot more likely to answer if they're not dead.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Friends disregard your failures and endure your successes.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Solberg; nature's greatest argument against cloning.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Marriage: just say no.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“When blondes have more fun, do they know it?”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

“Excrement happens.”
― Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess