Two for the Dough Quotes

“I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I know what you're thinking," Grandma said into the silence. "Do I have anymore bullets in this here gun? Well, with all the confusion, what with being locked up in a refrigerator, I plumb forgot what was in here to start with. But being that this is a 45 magnum, the most powerful handgun in existence, and it could blow your head clean off, you just got to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you, punk?"

Christ," Spiro whispered. "She thinks she's f**king Clint Eastwood.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“This is war,' I yelled through the door.
Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“My father would eat cat shit if it was salted, fried, or frosted, but it took an act of Congress to get him to eat a vegetable.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I rented Ghostbusters, my all-time favorite inspirational movie. I picked up some microwave, popcorn, a KitKat, a bag of bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups, and a box of instant hot chocolate with marshmallows. Do I know how to have a good time, or what?”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“You owe me!" -Stephanie
"Why do I owe you?" -Joe
"I caught your no good cousin." -Stephanie
"Yeah and in the process you burned down a funeral home, and damaged thousands of dollars of government property." -Joe
"Well if you are going to be picky about it...." -Stephanie”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Oh good. I love being bait for a homicidal mutilator."
Stephanie Plum”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down."
Grandma Mazur”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I don't believe this," Morelli yelled. "I don't fucking believe this. What do you do, sit in bed at night and think about ways to fuck up my life?”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“[Stephanie] 'You see, Mrs. Mayer was going on about George's lodge, and how he wanted to be buried with his ring, and so Grandma had to check the ring out, and in the process broke off one of George's fingers. Turns out the finger was wax. Somehow Kenny got into the mortuary this morning, left Spiro a note, and chopped off George's finger. And then while I was at the mall tonight with Mary Lou, Kenny threatened me in the shoe department. That must have been when he put the finger in my pocket.'

[Morelli] 'Have you been drinking?”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“With the exception of dessert, food is food.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples?"
Helen Plum”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Stephanie: “I have a list of Kenny's friends. I'm going to run through it.”
Morelli: “Where'd you get this list?”
Stephanie: “Privileged information.”
Morelli: “You broke into his apartment and stole his little black book.”
Stephanie: “I didn't steal it. I copied it.”
Morelli: “I don't want to here any of this. You're not carrying concealed, are you?”
Stephanie: “Who, me?”
Morelli: “Shit, I must be crazy to work with you”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Any intelligent woman would have made a dignified retreat, but this was New Jersey, where dignity always runs a poor second to the pleasure of getting in someone's face.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I finished my soup and bread and helped myself to a handful of cookies from the cookie jar, glancing at Morelli, wondering at his lean body. He’d eaten two bowls of soup, half a loaf of bread slathered in butter, and seven cookies. I’d counted.
He saw me staring and raised his eyebrows in silent question.
“I suppose you work out,” I said, mores statement than question.
“I run when I can. Do some weights.” He grinned. “Morelli men have good metabolisms.”
Life was a bitch.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“In spite of all the sparring that went on between us, I sort of liked Morelli. Good judgment told me to stand clear of him, but then I've never been a slave to good judgment.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I was driving by, doing a security check... and I smelled leg of lamb."
Morelli”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“My father was in the kitchen putting a new washer in the kitchen faucet. He looked relieved to see Morelli standing in the hallway. He'd probably prefer I bring home someone useful, like a butcher or a car mechanic, but I guess cops are a step up from undertakers.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“You sure you don't want to go?” Grandma Mazur asked my mother.
“I didn't know Moogey Bues,” my mother told her. “I've got better things to do than to go to a viewing of a perfect stranger.”
“I wouldn't go either,” Grandma Mazur said, “but I'm helping Stephanie with this here manhunt. Maybe Kenny Mancuso will show up, and Stephanie will need some extra muscle. I was watching Television, and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.”
“She's your responsibility,” my mother said to me. “She sticks her fingers in anybody's eyes I'm holding you accountable.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“There was an air of satisfaction to the house at the end of the day. Maybe the day hadn't gone exactly right, but the day had been lived and the house had been there for its family.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Some people learn from books, some listen to the advice of others, some learn from mistakes.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Is that your granny?” Ranger wanted to know.
“Yup. She was checking to make sure Moogey was here.”
“You’ve got a helluva gene pool, babe.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Sliced off like a chicken neck and stuck with a hatpin. Reminded me of my husband.” Lula leaned forward so she could whisper. “You talking about size? Was your man’s part that big?” “Heck no,” Grandma said. “His part was that dead.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“Look at that skirt," my mother said when she opened the door to me. "It's no wonder we have so much crime today what with these short skirts. How can you sit in a skirt like that? Everyone can see everything."

"It's two inches above my knee. It’s not that short.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“I cut my eyes to the alley. Ranger was still there, doubled over the steering wheel, shaking with laughter.”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough

“You always did have a problem with undies. Remember when you wet your pants in the second grade?"
- Joyce Barnhardt”
― Janet Evanovich, Two for the Dough