Unzipped Quotes

“Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Some men are warriors and some men are weenies. The trick is figuring out which is which.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Maybe there's no such thing as happily ever after. Maybe okay for now is the best you get.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“I don't care what Cosmo says about exercise improving sex. Some things aren't worth the cost.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Just remember this, Missy, escargot ain't nothin' but snails with their noses stuck in the air.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Men are like dogs. Some are… Well, men are just like dogs.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“The theory of relativity doesn't amount to a hill of beans when there's a bonfire in your shorts.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“You lose a couple of pounds and get a guy good and drunk, you could have a hell of a good time even if you are not smart.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“There is no surer road to perdition than the ledger glands dictate your direction.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“There is none so troubled as one who thinks himself perfectly sane.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped

“Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.”
― Lois Greiman, Unzipped