Eric Quotes

“Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“There's a door."
"Where does it go?"
"It stays where it is, I think.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realize that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“What're quantum mechanics?"

"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpork. Well technically they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Hell needed horribly bright, self-centered people like Eric. They were much better at being nasty than demons could ever manage”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The fact was that, as droves of demon kings had noticed, there was a limit to what you could do to a soul with, e.g., red-hot tweezers, because even fairly evil and corrupt souls were bright enough to realize that since they didn't have the concomitant body and nerve endings attached to them there was no real reason, other than force of habit, why they should suffer excruciating agony. So they didn't. Demons went on doing it anyway, because numb and mindless stupidity is part of what being a demon is all about, but since no one was suffering they didn't enjoy it much either and the whole thing was pointless. Centuries and centuries of pointlessness.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Demons have existed on the Discworld for at least as long as the gods, who in many ways they closely resemble. The difference is basically the same as that between terrorists and freedom fighters.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Rincewind trudged back up the beach. "The trouble is," he said, "is that things never get better, they just stay the same, only more so.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“the whole point of the wish business was to see to it that what the client got was exactly what he asked for and exactly what he didn't really want.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The Tezuman priests have a sophisticated calendar and an advanced horology," quoted Rincewind.
"Ah," said Eric, "Good."
"No," said Rincewind patiently. "It means time measurement."
"Oh.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The captain glared at him. The sergeant put on the poker face that has been handed down from NCO to NCO ever since one protoamphibian told another, lower-ranking protoamphibian to muster a squad of newts and Take That Beach.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“You always knew where you stood with Quezovercoatl. It was generally with a lot of people on top of a great stepped pyramid with someone in an elegant feathered headdress chipping an exquisite obsidian knife for your very own personal use.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Astfgl peered around through the swirling gas clouds. At least he was in the right place. The whole point about the end of the universe was that you couldn’t go past it accidentally.
The last few embers winked out. Time and space collided silently, and collapsed.
Astfgl coughed. It can get so very lonely, when you’re twenty million light-years from home.
“Anyone there?” he said.
YES.
The voice was right by his ear. Even demon kings can shiver.
“Apart from you, I mean,” he said. “Have you seen anybody?”
YES.
“Who?”
EVERYONE.
Astfgl sighed. “I mean anyone recently.”
IT’S BEEN VERY QUIET, said Death.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The Tezuman Empire in the jungle valleys of central Klatch is known for it organic market gardens, its exquisite craftsmanship in obsidian, feathers and jade, and its mass human sacrifices in honor of Quezovercoatl, the Feathered Boa, god of mass human sacrifices.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“[...]"Come on. Let's run away."

"Where to?"

Rincewind sighed. He'd tried to make his basic philosophy clear time and again, and
people never got the message.

"Don't you worry about to," he said. "In my experience that always takes care of itself.
The important word is away.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“At least nothing particularly dreadful was happening to him right now. Probably it was only a matter of time.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Rincewind wasn't used to people being pleased to see him. It was unnatural, and boded no good. These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made out of stone, but the thought was there.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“Hell, it has been suggested, is other people.

This has always come as a bit of a surprise to working demons, who had always thought that Hell was sticking sharp things into people and pushing them into lakes of blood and so on.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“No one’s going to be interested in a war fought over a, a quite pleasant lady, moderately attractive in a good light. Are they?” Eric was nearly in tears. “But it said her face launched a thousand ships—” “That’s what you call metaphor,” said Rincewind. “Lying,” the sergeant explained, kindly.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“His voice gave out and he made several wavy motions with his hand, indicative of the shape of a woman who would probably be unable to keep her balance.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“... the damned had been given that insight which makes hardship so easy to bear — the absolute and certain knowledge that things could be worse.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“The prayers of most religions generally praise and thank the gods involved, either out of general piety or in the hope that he or she will take the hint and start acting responsibly.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“But he was also skilled in languages and in practical geography. He could shout ‘help!’ in fourteen languages and scream for mercy in a further twelve.”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric

“they poisoned all their priests and tried enlightened atheism instead, which still meant they could kill as many people as they liked but didn’t have to get up so early to do it. The”
― Terry Pratchett, Eric: Discworld: The Unseen University Collection