Darius the Great Is Not Okay Quotes

“Everyone wants you here. We have a saying in Farsi. It translates ‘your place was empty.’ We say it when we miss somebody."
I sniffed.
"Your place was empty before. But this is your family. You belong here.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“Suicide isn't the only way you can lose someone to depression.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“How could I be a tourist in my own past?”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“You don’t care what anyone thinks. You know?”
My ears burned. “I care what everyone thinks, Sohrab.”
“No you don’t. Not really. You don’t try to change yourself. You know who you are.” He bumped shoulders with me. “I wish I was like that. I always try to be what my mom needs. What my amou needs. What you need. But you are the opposite. You are happy with who you are.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s really me. You’ve never seen what it’s like back home. How everyone treats me.”
“They don’t know you, Darioush.” Sohrab grabbed my shoulder. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“I wish you could see yourself too.” I swallowed. “You’re the only person who never wanted me to change.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I wanted to know what our family's stories were.
I wanted to know the things Mom wouldn't think to tell me. Things she knew but never said out loud, because they were a part of her.
I wanted to know what made the Bahrami family special.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I was one tiny pulsar in a swirling, luminous galaxy of Iranians, held together by the gravity of thousands of years of culture and heritage.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“The thing is, I never had a friend like Sohrab before. One who understood me without even trying. Who knew what it was like to be stuck on the outside because of one little thing that set you apart.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“You’re the only person who never wanted me to change.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“But the wall weren't just inside of him.
They were between us.
I didn't know how to breach them.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“...love was and opportunity, not a burden.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“In theory, taarof means putting others before yourself. In practice, it means when someone comes to your house, you have to offer them food; but since your guest is supposed to taarof, they have to refuse; and then you, the host, must taarof back, insisting that it's really no trouble at all, and that they absolutely must eat; and so on, until one party gets too bewildered and finally gives in... It's not an American Social Cue. When Mom met Dad's parents for the first time, they offered her a drink, which she politely declined- and that was that. She really did want something to drink, but she didn't know how to go about asking.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I wanted to die. I wasn’t allowed to say that, not out loud. The one time I did—and it was only hyperbole—Dad freaked out and threatened to send me to a hospital. “Don’t ever joke about that, Darius.” I didn’t really want to die, anyway. I just wanted to slip into a black hole and never come out.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I had never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but Dr. Howell said that anxiety and depression often went hand in hand. Comorbidity, he called it. It was an ominous-sounding word. It made me anxious.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“It's just hard," I said. "Everyone knows everyone. And everyone speaks Farsi. And everyone knows the dances. And I..." ..."Darioush." Sohrab bumped my shoulder again. "No one wants me here." "Everyone wants you here. We have a saying in Farsi. It translates to 'your place was empty'. We say it when we miss somebody." I sniffed. "Your place was empty before. But this is your family. You belong here.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“love was an opportunity, not a burden.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“How was it?' 'It was...' I didn't know what to say. How could I explain Mamou and Babou and Sohrab and football and the rooftop to someone who had never experienced them? How could I talk about them when I still felt the ache?”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“We were friends back then, in the way that everyone is friends in kindergarten, before sociopolitical alliances begin to cement, and then, by the time third grade rolls around, you find yourself spending every game of Heads Down, Thumbs Up with your head down and your thumb up, completely ignored by your entire class until you begin to wonder if you've turned invisible.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“It was a nice kind of quiet. The kind you could wrap yourself up in like a blanket.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“...We have a saying in Farsi. It translates 'your place was empty.' We say it when we miss somebody."
I sniffed.
"Your place was empty before. But this is your family. You belong here.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“But even as I laughed, I thought about how Mamou and Mrs. Rezaei and Sohrab had danced this dance together before. How they had celebrated Nowruz together before. How Mamou had kissed Sohrab on both cheeks and invited him inside for tea before. More times than anyone could count. My chest imploded. Just a little bit. I hated how Sohrab had a larger share of my grandmother's life than I did.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I knew soccer/non-American football jerseys weren't cheap. Sohrab could have used that money on some new cleats for himself, but he had gotten me the jersey instead. "Are you okay, Darioush?" "Yeah. Yeah." I blinked some more. "It's just really, really nice." It made me feel like I belonged.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“Sometimes I can’t help crying. Okay? Sometimes bad shit happens. Sometimes people are mean to me and I cry. Sorry for being such a target. Sorry for disappointing you. Again.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“The silence between us hung heavy with all the things we couldn’t say. All the things we knew without them being said out loud.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I loved the quiet. Even if it sometimes made me think of sad things. Like whether anyone would miss me if I was dead.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I never knew how to talk to Mamou, even though I was happy to see her. It was like I had this well inside me, but every time I saw Mamou, it got blocked up. I didn't know how to let my feelings out... It wasn't like I didn't want to talk to Mamou. I always wanted to talk to her. But it was hard. It didn't feel like she was half a world away, it felt like she was half a universe away- like she was coming to me from some alternate reality. It was like Laleh belonged to that reality, but I was just a guest.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I loved my little sister. When I looked at her, I felt the same way as when I stared into the ancient flame of the Atashkadeh. Or when I heard the azan ring out across the city.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“Dr. Howell likes to say that depression is anger turned inward”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“I slid down against one of the planters and breathed in. My chest felt heavy, like someone had dropped a planet on me. Inside, my family sat around, playing Rook and talking so I couldn't understand them. Dancing dances they had danced with each other for years. Sharing jokes and stories I would never be a part of. Eating khiar and drinking doogh like True Persians... I didn't belong.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“This was another taarof: Sohrab giving me his nicer cleats. And invoking my being a guest was one of the strongest strategies you could employ in taarof.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay

“[Mamou] squeezed and squeezed me, like she was worried I would blow out the window if she didn't hold on tight enough. Maybe she was trying to fit a lifetime of missed hugs into the one car ride. Maybe she was.”
― Adib Khorram, Darius the Great Is Not Okay