First & Then Quotes

“A thousand electric cars could run on how you feel when you know that the person you like likes you back. It feels incredible. Like it shouldn't be possible. Of all the happy coincidences to ever exist, it's one of the happiest.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“When you love something, you can't be happy all the time, can you? Like, that's why you love it. It makes you feel all kinds of things, not just happy. It can hurt, it can make you fucking mad, but... it makes you feel something, you know?”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“As far as I was concerned, physical education was evil. You take a bunch of teenagers, make them strip down in front of each other in a locker room, have them don hideous matching uniforms, and then measure their worth based on their ability to chuck balls at a net, into a hoop, or at each other. It was just. Evil.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Close your eyes, real tight, and then count to three hundred. That’s all you have to do. You just count to three hundred, and when you open your eyes, five minutes will have passed. And even if it hurts or things are shitty or you don’t know what to do, you just made it through five whole minutes. And when it feels like you can’t go on, you just close your eyes and do it again. That’s all you need. Just five minutes at a time.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I had also never realized before that I loved him, but I did. And his pain was my pain, and it hurt, but it also felt good in a strange way, knowing that we could share in it together.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I pulled out my phone and thought about calling someone, but who was there to call? And what would I even say? It was just the kind of unpleasant surprise you had to share with someone, but I didn’t have anybody to share it with.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Tragic deaths aren't avoidable. That's what Ezra said outside Sam's wake, and even though--to use Foster's phrasing--I didn't know anything about anything, I felt in this moment that Ezra was wrong. What often makes something tragic is that it can be avoided.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“The idea that it doesn't matter what over people think about you gets thrown around a lot in high school, and in many instances it's true. But I do care what certain people think of me.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“It was kind of funny—the thing that had annoyed me so much about him in the beginning was what I dearly appreciated now.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Wait,” he said, and he had his hand outstretched toward me, fingertips just brushing the sleeve of my sweatshirt, gently rooting me to the spot. I wanted to shrug him off, but at the same time, I wanted to fall against him and bury my face in his shoulder. I wanted to commiserate about what had just happened, and make sure he was okay, and discuss how Stanton really is psychotic. I did none of the above.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“But there was something in his eyes at times that I would almost swear said something more. Some deeper sort of regard.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“It's weird. Sometimes it feels like we're still the ones in the pictures, and everything that happened after happened to other people. And then sometimes we're the other people, and the strangers are in the frames.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“It was endearing, in that way that almost ached sometimes, how much my folks wanted Foster to be okay. And I think even more than I did, they wanted Foster to be normal. For me, being normal meant fitting in. For them, I think, it just meant being happy.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“A cute nickname was the first mile marker on Gag Highway, heading straight to Relationshipville. And making up the names of fake roads and cities to express your unhappiness was probably the first step to insanity.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Are there any particular majors you're interested in?"
"Not really." Saying advanced breakfast with a minor in cable television would surely bring about some epic battle that Mrs. Wentworth's smile was doomed to lose.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Why would I want someone I had to make love me?”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Just because a person dies doesn't mean it should change the way you feel about them, or the way they really were. Just because they're gone doesn't mean that they weren't a bad person or that they never fucked up.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“It could have been avoided. This couch misery spiral, this … loss … I could’ve avoided the bulk of it simply by doing more. I could’ve given a shit...”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“A page in the story of my life that I never could've anticipated.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“You don't get that good by doing nothing.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“What I really wanted was to kiss Ezra's face off. And punch him in the arm. And then kiss his face off some more.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I should've been better. But sometimes all you can really stand to do is think about yourself. Sometimes it's the only way to cope. The only way to make sense of something as colossal and and intimidating as the world is to make it about you.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“You did so, two evers.Twice the ever is, like, the obnoxiousness squared.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I could never really get it. I could never really understand. But I could strive for empathy. I could at least do that.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Labor Day is really the last sweet taste of summer. One final pardon before all your Mondays become Mondays again.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Sass levels are high.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“Nobody deserves to win because something shitty happened to them.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I should've been better. But sometimes all you can really stand to do is think about yourself. Sometimes it's the only way to cope. The only way to make sense of something as colossal and intimidating as the world is to make it about you.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“The only other complaint I had about Jane's books, cousin-loving aside, was the getting-together part. They were stories of such unconquerable love, such strong feelings. You follow these characters through the ups and downs of an emotional roller coaster, this breathtaking will-they-or-won't -they, and is it too much to ask for a little more time spent on the I-love-you-and-want-to-be-with-you part? It was the very best part, and I wanted to draw it out. I wanted kisses--good, long, passionate ones. Jane never wrote about those.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then

“I would've liked to think I looked a little more mature than the rest of the girls in the class. Then again, with the majority of them being PTs, I probably looked the most like a fourteen-year-old.”
― Emma Mills, First & Then