Three Men on the Bummel Quotes

“Nothing is easier to write than scenery; nothing more difficult and unnecessary to read.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“I also think pronunciation of a foreign tongue could be better taught than by demanding from the pupil those internal acrobatic feats that are generally impossible and always useless. This is the sort of instruction one receives: 'Press your tonsils against the underside of your larynx. Then with the convex part of the septum curved upwards so as almost but not quite to touch the uvula try with the tip of your tongue to reach your thyroid. Take a deep breath and compress your glottis. Now without opening your lips say "Garoo".' And when you have done it they are not satisfied.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“A 'Bummel', I explained, I should describe as a journey, long or
short, without an end; the only thing regulating it being the necessity
of getting back within a given time to the point from which one started.
Sometimes it is through busy streets, and sometimes through the fields
and lanes; sometimes we can be spared for a few hours, and sometimes for
a few days. But long or short, but here or there, our thoughts are ever
on the running of the sand. We nod and smile to many as we pass; with
some we stop and talk awhile; and with a few we walk a little way. We
have been much interested, and often a little tired. But on the whole we
have had a pleasant time, and are sorry when 'tis over.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Believe me, a highly strung brain such as yours demands occasional relaxation from the strain of domestic surroundings. Forget for a little while that children want music lessons, and boots, and bicycles, with tincture of rhubarb three times a day; forget there are such things in life as cooks, and house decorators, and next-door dogs, and butchers’ bills. Go away to some green corner of the earth, where all is new and strange to you, where your over-wrought mind will gather peace and fresh ideas. Go away for a space and give me time to miss you, and to reflect upon your goodness and virtue, which, continually present with me, I may, human-like, be apt to forget, as one, through use, grows indifferent to the blessing of the sun and the beauty of the moon. Go away, and come back refreshed in mind and body, a brighter, better man—if that be possible—than when you went away.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Now I happen to possess the bump of locality. It is not a virtue; I make no boast of it. It is merely an animal instinct that I cannot help. That things occasionally get in my way—mountains, precipices, rivers, and such like obstructions—is no fault of mine. My instinct is correct enough; it is the earth that is wrong. I led them by the middle road. That the middle road had not character enough to continue for any quarter of a mile in the same direction; that after three miles up and down hill it ended abruptly in a wasps’ nest, was not a thing that should have been laid to my door. If the middle road had gone in the direction it ought to have done, it would have taken us to where we wanted to go, of that I am convinced.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Of all games in the world, the one most universally and eternally popular is the game of school. You collect six children and put them on a doorstep, while you walk up and down with the book and cane. Only one thing mars it: the tendency of one and all of other six children to clamour for their turn with the book and cane. The reason, I am sure, that journalism is so popular a calling, in spite of its many drawbacks, is this: each journalist feels he is the boy walking up and down with the cane. The Government, the Classes, and the Masses, Society, Art, and Literature, are the other children sitting on the doorstep.

[published in 1900]”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“The German citizen is a soldier, and the policeman is his officer. The policeman directs him where in the street to walk, and how fast to walk. At the end of each bridge stands a policeman to tell the German how to cross it. Were there no policeman there, he would probably sit down and wait till the river had passed by. At the railway station the policeman locks him up in the waiting-room, where he can do no harm to himself. When the proper time arrives, he fetches him out and hands him over to the guard of the train, who is only a policeman in another uniform. The guard tells him where to sit in the train, and when to get out, and sees that he does get out. In Germany you take no responsibility upon yourself whatever. Everything is done for you, and done well.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“[…] the lady, her eye catching sight of an advertisement of somebody’s cocoa, said ‘Shocking!’ and turned the other way. Really, there was some excuse for her. One notices, even in England, the home of the proprieties, that the lady who drinks cocoa appears, according to the poster, to require very little else in this world; a yard or so of art muslin at the most. On the Continent she dispenses, so far as one can judge, with every other necessity of life. Not only is cocoa food and drink to her, it should be clothes also, according to the idea of the cocoa manufacturer.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“In Germany to-day one hears a good deal concerning Socialism, but it is a Socialism that would only be despotism under another name. Individualism makes no appeal to the German voter. He is willing, nay, anxious to be controlled and regulated in all things.

'You get yourself born,' says the German Government to the German citizen, 'we do the rest. Indoors and out of doors, in sickness and in health, in pleasure and in work, we will tell you what to do, and we will see to it that you do it. Don't you worry yourself anything.'

And the German doesn't.

[published in 1900]”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“There is this advantage about German beer: it does not make a man drunk as the word drunk is understood in England. There is nothing objectionable about him; he is simply tired. He does not want to talk; he wants to be let alone, to go to sleep; it does not matter where— anywhere.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Occasionally the poster pictures a pair of cyclists; and then one grasps the fact how much superior for purposes of flirtation is the modern bicycle to the old-fashioned parlour or the played-out garden gate. He and she mount their bicycles, being careful, of course, that such are of the right make. After that they have nothing to think about but the old sweet tale. Down shady lanes, through busy towns on market days, merrily roll the wheels of the “Bermondsey Company’s Bottom Bracket Britain’s Best,” or of the “Camberwell Company’s Jointless Eureka.” They need no pedalling; they require no guiding. Give them their heads, and tell them what time you want to get home, and that is all they ask. While Edwin leans from his saddle to whisper the dear old nothings in Angelina’s ear, while Angelina’s face, to hide its blushes, is turned towards the horizon at the back, the magic bicycles pursue their even course.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“The French Foreign Office, wishful to allay the anger of the Parisian mob clamouring for war with England, secured this admirable couple and sent them round the town.  You cannot be amused at a thing, and at the same time want to kill it.  The French nation saw the English citizen and citizeness—no caricature, but the living reality—and their indignation exploded in laughter.  The success of the stratagem prompted them later on to offer their services to the German Government, with the beneficial results that we all know.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Если у тебя полетела передача, продай машину и купи новую — так выйдет дешевле”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Что же касается вопроса, почему она «рванула», то уже сам по себе тот факт, что она рекламировалась как самая безопасная, не имеющая аналогов в мировой практике фара, намекал любому — но только не тебе — о неизбежности аварии”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Of all games in the world, the one most universally and eternally popular is the game of school”
― Jerome K Jerome, Three Men On The Bummel

“To the grave-faced
JESTER
to whom all life is but a
volume of old humour -”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Si un hombre me parase en la calle y me pidiera el reloj, me negaría a dárselo; si me amenazara con quitármelo a la fuerza, creo que, aunque no tengo nada de valiente, haría cuanto pudiera para evitarlo. Pero si, por otra parte, me manifestara su intención de obtenerlo mediante la intervención de los tribunales de justicia, me lo sacaría del bolsillo y se lo daría, convencido de que el asunto me había salido barato.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“the German has had the blessed fortune to be exceptionally well governed; if this continues, it will go well with him. When his troubles will begin will be when by any chance something goes wrong with the governing machine”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“You get yourself born," says the German Government to the German citizen, "we do the rest. Indoors and out of doors, in sickness and in health, in pleasure and in work, we will tell you what to do, and we will see to it that you do it. Don't you worry yourself about anything." And the German doesn't.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“In the placid, docile German of to-day, whose only ambition appears to be to pay his taxes, and do what he is told to do by those whom it has pleased Providence to place in authority over him, it is difficult, one must confess, to detect any trace of his wild ancestor, to whom individual liberty was as the breath of his nostrils; who appointed his magistrates to advise, but retained the right of execution for the tribe; who followed his chief, but would have scorned to obey him. In Germany to-day one hears a good deal concerning Socialism, but it is a Socialism that would only be despotism under another name. Individualism makes no appeal to the German voter. He is willing, nay, anxious, to be controlled and regulated in all things. He disputes, not government, but the form of it.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“the man who has spread the knowledge of English from Cape St. Vincent to the Ural Mountains is the Englishman who, unable or unwilling to learn a single word of any language but his own, travels purse in hand into every corner of the Continent. One may be shocked at his ignorance, annoyed at his stupidity, angry at his presumption. But the practical fact remains; he it is that is anglicising Europe. For him the Swiss peasant tramps through the snow on winter evenings to attend the English class open in every village. For him the coachman and the guard, the chambermaid and the laundress, pore over their English grammars and colloquial phrase books. For him the foreign shopkeeper and merchant send their sons and daughters in their thousands to study in every English town. For him it is that every foreign hotel- and restaurant-keeper adds to his advertisement: "Only those with fair knowledge of English need apply." Did the English-speaking races make it their rule to speak anything else than English, the marvellous progress of the English tongue throughout the world would stop. The English-speaking man stands amid the strangers and jingles his gold. "Here," cries, "is payment for all such as can speak English." He it is who is the great educator. Theoretically we may scold him; practically we should take our hats off to him. He is the missionary of the English tongue.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“Of all games in the world, the one most universally and eternally popular is the game of school. You collect six children, and put them on a doorstep, while you walk up and down with the book and cane. We play it when babies, we play it when boys and girls, we play it when men and women, we play it as, lean and slippered, we totter towards the grave. It never palls upon, it never wearies us. Only one thing mars it: the tendency of one and all of the other six children to clamour for their turn with the book and the cane.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle: you can "overhaul" it, or you can ride it. On the whole, I am not sure that a man who takes his pleasure overhauling does not have the best of the bargain. He is independent of the weather and the wind; the state of the roads troubles him not. Give him a screw-hammer, a bundle of rags, an oil-can, and something to sit down upon, and he is happy for the day. He has to put up with certain disadvantages, of course; there is no joy without alloy. He himself always looks like a tinker, and his machine always suggests the idea that, having stolen it, he has tried to disguise it; but as he rarely gets beyond the first milestone with it, this, perhaps, does not much matter. The mistake some people make is in thinking they can get both forms of sport out of the same machine. This is impossible; no machine will stand the double strain.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel [with Biographical Introduction]

“Obișnuința te face orb la tot ceea ce nu vrei să vezi.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“I monaci cistercensi la cui abbazia si trovava qui nel tredicesimo secolo, non indossavano altri abiti se non ruvidi sai con il cappuccio e la loro dieta escludeva la carne, i pesci e le uova. Dormivano sulla paglia e si alzavano a mezzanotte per assistere alla messa. Trascorrevano le giornate lavorando, leggendo e pregando; e per tutta la loro esistenza osservavano un silenzio assoluto come quello della morte, poiché nessuno parlava mai. Una tetra confraternita che viveva una tetra vita in quel luogo soave, reso così splendido da Dio! È strano che le voci della natura tutto attorno a loro… il canto sommesso dell'acqua, i sussurri delle erbe sul fiume, la musica frusciante del vento... Non avessero insegnato a quella gente un più autentico significato dell'esistenza. Stavano ad ascoltare, durante le lunghe giornate, in silenzio, in attesa di una voce dal cielo; e per tutte le lunghe giornate e nelle notti solenni, quella voce parlava loro in miriadi di toni, ma essi non la udivano.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Tre uomini a zonzo

“Из-за тандема всегда выходят неприятности: человек, сидящий впереди, воображает, что он один жмет на педали и что тот, кто сидит за ним, просто катается; а человек, сидящий сзади, глубоко убежден, что передний пыхтит нарочно и ничего не делает. Эту проблему решить очень непросто.”
― Клапка Джером, Трое на четырех колесах

“The reason, I am sure, that journalism is so popular a calling, in spite of its many drawbacks, is this: each journalist feels he is the boy walking up and down with the cane.  The Government, the Classes, and the Masses, Society, Art, and Literature, are the other children sitting on the doorstep.  He instructs and improves them. But I digress.  It was to excuse my present permanent disinclination to be the vehicle of useful information that I recalled these matters.  Let us now return.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Your friend's beauty," said he, "I should describe as elusive. It is there, but you can easily miss it. Now, in that cap, to my mind, you do miss it.”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“A ‘Bummel’,” I explained, “I should describe as a journey, long or short, without an end;”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel

“Resolutions were made for man, not man for resolutions.” ”
― Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men on the Bummel