Nine Goblins Quotes

“The bear not only had a set of stripes sewn on his arm, it was possibly the first teddy-bear in history to have received a medal for service to the elven nation.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“Smart goblins became mechanics. Dumb goblins became soldiers. Really dumb goblins became officers.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“Travelling through thick woods with a troop of goblins is not unlike a nature hike with a group of grumpy toddlers with weapons.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“All you had were pigs and enthusiasm. It’s not your fault.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“The destructive capacity of small cute animals was really quite astonishing.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins: A Tale of Low Fantasy and High Mischief

“War is just not efficient.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“She had presumably decided that the problem was the village, and if everybody in the village was gone, they would have to bring John back to take care of her. It was the sort of plan a child would come up with—simple, self-centered, and utterly heartless.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“Tastes like rat squeezins' with too much honey.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“Being the sergeant was thankless, and they didn’t pay you very much more, and when something went wrong, you were the one that had to fix things. Responsibility was lousy.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins: A Tale of Low Fantasy and High Mischief

“Traveling through thick woods with a troop of goblins is not unlike a nature hike with a group of grumpy toddlers with weapons.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins: A Tale of Low Fantasy and High Mischief

“On the other hand, if you didn’t see things were done right, it’d get done badly, and watching the resulting inefficiency was like being poked repeatedly in a sore tooth. It galled at her.”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins: A Tale of Low Fantasy and High Mischief

“Also, the wizard’s response to having a skeletal deer leap in front of him and a bruised and whimpering elf fall off its back was to say, “Oh.” That”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“Wherever a goblin happens to live, he complains about it constantly. This is actually a sign of affection. A desert goblin will complain endlessly about the beastly heat and the dreadful dryness and the spiky cactus. He will show you how his sunburn is peeling and the place where the rattlesnake bit him and the place where he bit the rattlesnake. He will be thoroughly, cheerfully, miserable.

If you took him away from the desert, he would be lost. He wouldn’t know what to complain about. He might make a few half-hearted attempts, but he would eventually lapse into confused silence, and return as quickly as possible to the desert he loves. Complaining is how he shows he’s paying attention to all the little nuances of his home.

This is basically goblin psychology in a nutshell. Goblin cooks wait in anticipation for the rude comments about the flavor. A goblin courting the lady goblin of his dreams will point out the new lumps and splotches on her skin and ask if she’s been sick lately because she looks off color and hey, is that a tick behind her left ear?”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins

“recreational xenophobia,”
― T. Kingfisher, Nine Goblins: A Tale of Low Fantasy and High Mischief