The Best Medicine Quotes

“You’re my knight in shining armor.” “Oh, if only slaying dragons were as easy as buying tampons.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“There is no such thing as a perfect husband. Or a perfect wife. Or a perfect marriage. Sometimes love supersedes logic, and the best thing to do is just follow your heart.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“reality. Birthday wishes did not come true, any more than wishes made on puffy dandelions blown into the breeze or pennies tossed into a fountain. Wishes were nothing more than unrealized goals.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“So many to choose from,” he answered. “But let’s see. I guess the most recent is this one old guy who keeps calling us for the same issue. We keep telling him he’s fine, but every time we have to take him into the ED anyway.” He set his soup bowl down on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “What’s his issue?” “Beets.” “Beets?” “Yeah, apparently he keeps stealing beets from his neighbor’s garden and they turn his pee bright pink. He thinks he’s dying. But no, it’s just the beets. Last time we were there, the neighbor came running after him with a rake. Funniest thing ever, watching two eighty-year-old dudes trying to wrestle each other to the ground.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Your father needed to take care of someone, and I never let him do that for me. I should have given him a dragon to slay once in a while.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Do you have any idea how many choices there were? Pearl, and super pearl, and gentle glide, and infinity. Seriously? Infinity? And let me tell you, when a dude at the grocery store asks a woman what kind she likes, he is escorted out by security.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“What’s in the bags?” He flipped them over and emptied the contents onto the foot of the bed. Boxes upon boxes tumbled out. Boxes of every brand, style, and absorbency variation of tampon.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Can you think of anything that you might need?” I looked back over my shoulder at him. I was about to cross a boundary no woman ever wanted to cross. “There is, but I just can’t ask you.” His smile was patient. “Try me.” “Tampons.” He burst out laughing.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“I should have given him a dragon to slay once in a while, instead of always being the dragon.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“didn’t”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“clandestine”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“the news had spread like Nutella over a warm”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Relationships are all a crapshoot anyway. At least if the sex is good, then, well, then at least the sex is good.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Dinner progressed. Tyler brought our food in a moderately courteous manner but didn’t say much. Not that he could have, what with Marty’s constant anecdotes about the seedy underbelly of storage unit politics. In between stories, my date would ask questions, such as “how many gallons” was the largest breast implant I’d ever given a woman? “You know,” Marty said, screeching his knife across the plate as he carved up his virtually raw steak, “that gives me a phenomenal idea. You and I could team up on this and make a killing.” Typically, as a doctor, I tried to avoid that phrase. “Really, and what’s that?” He leaned forward, his face serious as bad news. “Saline-filled testicular implants. Boom!” He smacked his hands down on the table and sat up straight. “Think of it. Just like boob implants, only for the balls. ’Cause women like a good set of stones. Am I right?” No. He was wrong. No woman ever was attracted to a man because of his gargantuan balls.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Did you know it’s bad luck to take bananas on a fishing boat?” he said as we got to the end of one dock and turned around to go back.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“As promised, I’d driven to Ann Arbor so we could spend the weekend together and go wedding dress shopping. This was the fifteenth or sixteenth gown she’d tried on. We’d been in this bridal salon for so long I think the shop had changed owners since we’d arrived.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“If I didn’t couple up soon and hop on the Ark, it’d be just me and the unicorns swimming for dear life. We walked down a spacious”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“it seems to me that if they kept pulling these pranks on each other, they never really did let go. Love ends when you stop thinking about each other, not when you’re still trying to get a rise from one another.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“I’d always found it the height of hypocrisy that a man who fixed broken hearts for a living could be so incredibly careless with mine.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“I’m not a complete birthday Scrooge . . . except when it comes to my own birthday. I’m just not a big-celebration, look-at-me kind of woman. Having all that attention directed my way for something no more notable than aging seems silly. It’s like getting the green participation ribbon for field day. I hadn’t worked to earn this. I was being rewarded simply for showing up.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“I must have looked like a zombie when I opened the door. Tyler literally recoiled when he saw me, and then he chuckled. “You look like you’re in a Tim Burton movie.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Birthday wishes did not come true, any more than wishes made on puffy dandelions blown into the breeze or pennies tossed into a fountain. Wishes were nothing more than unrealized goals.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“and”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“She’s buying sex toys now, you know. Sex toys for herself. Where the hell does that leave me? Have you ever seen a Vagazzler? That thing can give her an orgasm and then make her a Frappuccino. I can’t compete with that. I don’t know how to make a Frappuccino.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine

“Pheromones didn't care about tomorrow. They didn't care about education or employment or age.”
― Tracy Brogan, The Best Medicine