The Intern's Handbook Quotes

“Sometimes pain can bring about clarity and remind us we’re still breathing.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Everything is so fleeting and impermanent. It’s enough to drive you bat shit crazy.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Clarity equals victory. Look at successful people. Do you really think they have seven effective habits? Fuck no. Who’s got time for that? They have one effective habit: DOING. When you are a ‘doer’ you lap the rest of the rats in the race.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“That's what I love about you. You're a freak. Like me.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“I’m beginning to get the feeling that confession is what we need in order to forgive ourselves.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“the more he learned, the more he realized that there is too much to learn in anyone’s lifetime.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“I am wet shoes.
I am cold, damp breath.
I am sweating hands.
I am gravity crushing the grass beneath my boots.
I am Kevlar and metal and lead.
I am laser sighting.
I am death.
And I am coming.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Monsters like us can learn to be human beings from watching movies”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Our minds are not interested in truth. They are our private twenty-four hour news cycle putting a constant spin on reality. It's like The Matrix. Everyone is getting plugged into the Bullshit Express.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“You always remember the things that rub you the right way or the wrong way. The positive and negative are both powerful memory reinforcement tools. Negative is more powerful than positive, which is based on your survival instincts. But you can't remember something that doesn't touch you in a positive or negative way. And this is our ultimate goal. We must learn from the wallflowers, life's most perfect unintentional losers.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“They're more interested in their fucking iPhones than doing their jobs. I can see the glow of their phone screens on their faces as they check e-mail, update their Facebook slaveware, dream of living, breathing, and fucking through the anonymity of text and memes.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Sometimes you can get a shark to eat itself if you fill the water with enough blood.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Above all, you must be humble. When you are humble, you are like a sponge, taking in the world and letting it fill you with the knowledge of what is real. Pride and arrogance are a dry sponge. You learn nothing. You think you know everything when it's not even possible to know everything. And then you're the dumbass with the surprised look on your face when someone puts a bullet in you.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Fight or flight is bullshit. Flight is the default. Fight only happens when flight is not an option. Because fight requires a sharp committed mind that can think ten steps ahead.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Interns are invisible. You can tell an executive your name a hundred times and that executive will never remember it because they have no respect for someone at the bottom of the barrel, working for free.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Clarity equals victory. Look at successful people. Do you really think they have seven effective habits? F*** no. Who’s got time for that? They have one effective habit: DOING. When you are a “doer” you lap the rest of the rats in the race.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“The job is the job, and I have no choice but to get it done. Bitching about it will only distract me, and let's be honest, has bitching about anything ever helped anybody?”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“However, I'm beginning to get the feeling that confession is what we need in order to forgive ourselves.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Sometimes doing what's necessary seems crazy but it's the highest form of sanity.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“We are not antiheroes with a silver lining. And we are sure as hell not relatable or sympathetic.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“People love to talk about themselves, especially white people.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“I bought a few books on color theory, and sure enough, brown sparks the smallest neurological response of any color in the spectrum. It also elicits feelings of reliability and security, traits that are critical to gaining access and trust. So I built my wardrobe around this pillar of blandness, never straying too far. Brownish gray, brownish green, brownish black, etc. All of these colors are easily found in the sale rack of every department store because people do not intentionally buy clothing that will erase them from the universe.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“And the shoes! Who knew Gucci made ostrich loafers with a four-inch heel and a silver toe cap with an etching of the Virgin Mary?”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Rule #11: Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“I'm Marcus Hunter. Who are you?”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“Butt fucking the American dream so you can buy cheap T-shirts at Old Navy. Isn't life beautiful?”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“So when I'm up here it feeds, for lack of a better word, nostalgia about my youth. Some people get that way when they see a baseball field or smell trout on the grill. I get that feeling from vertigo and the Freudian fantasy of falling to my certain death on the pavement.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook

“We are in our own dark Eden where the snake is not selling the Tree of Knowledge. He is selling love, and if you take a bite of that apple, you will go the way of Abel when this is clearly the land of Cain.”
― Shane Kuhn, The Intern's Handbook