The Serpent of Venice Quotes

“The Greeks believe the Fates are three sisters: one is Order, who spins out the linear thread of a life from the beginning; another is Irony, who gently cocks up the thread, marking it with some peculiar sense of balance, like justice, only blind drunk with a scale that’s been bunged into the street so it never quite settles; and the third, Inevitability, simply sits in the corner taking notes and criticizing the other two for being shameless slags until she cuts life’s thread, leaving everyone miffed at the timing.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Latin, Greek, and English, plus a smattering of Italian and fucking French.” “Fucking French, you say? Well . . .” “Oui,” said I, in perfect fucking French.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Fine, as the tailor said to the broke and naked knight, suit yourself.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Fate does not favor the dim.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“When war makes commerce and commerce is law, profit rules prudence and justice is flawed.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Shylock repointed his twitching, accusatory digit at his daughter. “You do not say such things in my house. You—you—you—you—” “Run along, love, it appears that Papa’s been stricken with an apoplexy of the second person.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Oh, do fuck off. You Muslims and your aversion to drink. Fucking slaughter the greater part of the Western fucking world in Allah’s name, but someone wants to toast to your health and suddenly it’s all piety, prayer, throw out the pork, and let’s put draperies around the women.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Holy ripened fuckcheese!”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“True, I am drunk, and small, and damp, but mistake not my moistness for weakness, although there's an argument to be made for that, as well.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much," said Iago.

"Methinks the lady protests just the right amount," said Emilia. "Methinks the lady is just getting fucking started protesting.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“The only difference between a pirate and a privateer is a flag,”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“couldn’t be more Scottish if it was painted blue and smelled of burning peat and your ginger sister.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“But I have known many women--many women indeed, and it is in their nature to confound us, Othello. They are all by their natures lovely lunatics.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“I so adored her when she let her warrior queen armor fall, and came, silly and giggling, into my arms.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“The two had been together since they were little girls, and so loved and hated each other like sisters.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Sometimes, methinks, a lass just needs to have a proper enraged scream.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Give in to your passions and they will lead you to the most preposterous conclusions—passions make a fool of reason.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“And that continued for quite a while until the adventurer admitted that it IS an accepted fact among monsters and giants of all stripes that Englishmen are delicious.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“There was irony and mirth lurking everywhere, and it was my holy duty as a fool to point it out, nay, chase it out of the corners and poke it until it giggled.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Is it the fault of a girl bright with the light of romance that she falls in love with a rascal? Is the love any less pure? Any less heartfelt? Any less painful when lost?”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“As lovely as she was, sarcasm did not wear well on her. Still, she was a bright girl, and in our short time together we had built a bond of petty resentments that usually takes a lifetime to develop.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“What a bawdy bitch is fate when the best bit of a bloke's day is a brace of bloody mermaid murders.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Cry havoc, and let slip the trousers of most outrageous bonkilation!”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“You love your wars for the coffers, but for the warrior and the widow, the orphan and the owned, you’ve not two dry fucks to give.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“thou wretched pillar of syphilitic pheasant-fuck!”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“thou treacherous coal-souled wank-weasel!”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“We will bring your guilt as well. You wouldn’t have escaped it anyway. It is a parent’s gift.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Othello, we are told by Iago, is not a Muslim, but a Christian, but, you know, he might be a secret Muslim. I mean, he’s so African looking, and he has that funny name . . . Yeah, I went there.”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice

“Provoke, Muse, your howl Of love’s laughter lost and Heinous Fuckery, most foul”
― Christopher Moore, The Serpent of Venice