Undead and Unwed Quotes

“Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like
politicians.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"

"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Did vampirism encourage Stockholm syndrome?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Touch my things again, whether I'm dead or not, and I'll kick your ass up into your shoulder blades.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this by this time tomorrow."
"Bored and pissed off? God, I hope not.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf— he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“... friends are such a mixed blessing.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“…and who are you, anyway?"
"I'm Tina.”
"Thank goodness!” I said so loudly she stepped back. "No silly-ass overdone names for you, m'girl.”
"It's short for Christina Caresse Chavelle.”
"Well, you did the best you could.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a life.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Oh my God", Marc rhapsodized. "Who is that ?"
"An asshole," I mumbled, turning back to him and picking up my tea. I was so rattled I sloshed some of the hot liquid on my hand, but I didn't feel a thing.
"He's coming over here !" Marc squealed. "Oh my God, oh my God, ohmyGod!"
"Will you get a hold of yourself?" I hissed. "You sound like a girl with a crush. Ah-ha!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Here I am, just wandering down a deserted street in the middle of the night. I hope I don't run into any trouble. Goodness, that would just ruin my whole evening." I strolled and hummed, trying to project Innocent Victim.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“So you're a vampire?"
"Yes. But don't be scared. I'm still a nice person.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Crying's okay while it lasts, but you can only do it for so long. And it's weird to do it when you apparently can't make tears anymore (did this mean I wouldn't pee or sweat, either?). Anyway, eventually you're done, and you have to figure out what to do next.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“... if hanging with other vamps means I have to go the whole movie cliché route, then forget it.
Cemeteries? Acolytes? Partying in chilly mausoleums? Yuck-o. Also, nobody wears a tux this time of year unless they're going to a wedding. You look like an escapee from the set of Dracula Does Doris.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“A vampire? How ith that pothible? I died in a car ackthident, for God’th thake! Aw, thon of a bith!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“It's a long story. Prepared to be regaled.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Tina was kneeling before me, holding Donald's head by the hair and very plainly trying to hand it to me. "Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the indignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"
"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Jessica peeked into the bathroom, then hurried back to report. "They got that boy stripped mother naked and they're scrubbing him with your brand-new loofah."
I winced. Thirty-seven ninety-nine at The Body Shop, kaput.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I'm not playing vamp politics.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed