More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops Quotes

“CUSTOMER: I’d like to buy this audiobook.
BOOKSELLER: Great.
CUSTOMER: Only, I don’t really like this narrator.
BOOKSELLER: Oh.
CUSTOMER: Do you have a selection of narrators to choose from? Ideally, I’d like Benedict Cumberbatch”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“CHILD: Mummy, who was Hitler? MOTHER: Hitler? CHILD: Yeah. Who was he? MOTHER: Erm, he was a very bad man from a long time ago. CHILD: Oh. How bad? MOTHER: He was like ... he was like Voldemort. CHILD: Oh! That’s really, really bad. Mother: Yes. CHILD: (Pause) So, did Harry Potter kill Hitler, too?”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“CUSTOMER: I’d love to write a book.
BOOKSELLER: Then you should write one.
CUSTOMER: I really don’t have the time.
BOOKSELLER: I’m sure you could make time.
CUSTOMER: No, you don’t get it; I really don’t have the time. I had my fortune read on Monday, and the fortune teller lady said that I’m going to get knocked down by a bus next week. She said that it’ll probably kill me
BOOKSELLER: ... Oh. Well, er, that doesn’t sound very nice.
CUSTOMER: No, it doesn’t, does it? It’s really annoying, too, ’cause I’d booked a holiday for next month, and I was really looking forward to it.”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“CUSTOMER: (holding up a paperback) If I buy this book, can I transfer it onto my friend’s Kindle?

BOOKSELLER: ... No.

CUSTOMER: Oh. How do they put physical books on a Kindle, then? Is it like that part in the film of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where Mike Teavee wants to become part of television, and he flies over everyone’s heads in tiny little pieces?”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“I’d like a book for a friend about saving the world from alien invasion. I’d like the main character to be a little like Freddie Mercury and a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Does anything spring to mind?”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“CUSTOMER (to her friend): What do you do with your books after you’ve read them? HER FRIEND: Sometimes I burn them. CUSTOMER: You burn them? HER FRIEND: Yeah. If I’m in the mood.”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“CUSTOMER: I'm looking for a book about the Holocaust; my daughter's very interested in World War II. But I don't want it to be a sad book.
BOOKSELLER: ...Not a sad one?
CUSTOMER: No. No sad bits at all.”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops

“(A couple approaches the desk)

BOOKSELLER: Can I help you find something?
MAN: Yeah, we're looking for a vocabulary book. It's either called The Soars or The Sars.
BOKSELLER: Let me look it up and see what we have.
WOMAN: Oh, it's OK; I made a note of the title.

(Customer pulls a napkin from her purse and lays it down for the bookseller to read. Written on it is 'The Saurus').”
― Jen Campbell, More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops