Bettered by a Dead Crustacean Quotes

“One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans.”
― Kelli Jae Baeli, Bettered by a Dead Crustacean

“I am overweight. But to me, it's fat. I don't have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. When I look in the mirror I don't plunge into a depression and stick my finger down my throat or carve FAT in my arm with a pickle fork. I can appreciate when I look good aside from the weight. Sometimes I might say, Oh, I'm having a good face day.And a few times, after checking my appearance in the mirror before a date, I'd say, Okay. I'd date me. And I know if I ever could get the extra tonnage off, I'd be the first one to parade around in my underwear, or have no qualms about getting naked with a hottie, while the lights were still on in the room.”
― Kelli Jae Baeli, Bettered by a Dead Crustacean

“I've never seen Salisbury steak on a restaurant menu. It's only in frozen dinners. Is there something we should know about that? What IS Salisbury steak anyway? And where do they hunt or harvest the salisburies?”
― Kelli Jae Baeli, Bettered by a Dead Crustacean

“If a UFO did land, and invite me onboard, I'd love to have the balls to go in. So, I search the skies for extra testicles.”
― Kelli Jae Baeli, Bettered by a Dead Crustacean