Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank Quotes

“Okay, let's see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle. Now if only we could figure out where the brain has moved.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“Carbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“This phrase did not have the ring of verisimilitude because I am famously bad at math. If I'm in charge of tipping at a restaurant, the waiter will either fall to his knees in gratitude or slash my tires. There ain't no Mr. In Between.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“I wanted to kill her with my bare hands but it wouldn't have been Christian.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“Of course, I know that turtles aren't mammals. They are ambivalents, which can live on air or underwater and write with their right or left flippers. They also almost never vote.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“If you’re having a party, don’t forget the Erik Estrada gourmet chips. Did you say “Erik who?” Tsk-tsk. How could you forget his dramatic stylings as a motorcycle cop in CHiPs? Get it now? The chips have the bitter aftertaste of fleeting fame and broken dreams.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

“Blaine, on the other hand, just doesn’t seem that reliable. He’s the type who would cheat on Barbie with one of those Bratz sluts and then lie about it in the morning, even as Barbie discovered the creepy telltale amputeed boot in Blaine’s sofa cushions.”
― Celia Rivenbark, Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom