Louisiana Longshot Quotes

“Facebook had to be the biggest playground for self-absorbed assholes that the world had ever seen.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“I’d always gone out of my way to streamline my life—removing all potential complication. I suddenly realized that mostly meant not having people around. Clearly, people were the biggest complication life threw at you.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“You can’t be a member of the Sinful Ladies Society if you have a husband. The original members, like me, are all old maids. We’re finally starting to allow widows in, but their husbands have to be dead for at least ten years.
Why ten years?
Seems to take that long to deprogram them from silly man thinking.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Did you ever think you had all the answers when you were in the thick of something, but then when you take a step back, you realize you were so busy getting things done that you never stopped to ask yourself if it’s what you really want to do?”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“God doesn't care about drinking beer. All those rules were made up by people trying to prevent you from doing something really wrong. Drunks make stupid decisions. If you don't drink, there’s less chance of doing something stupid.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Lord save us all from the machinations of an intelligent female.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“think sometimes it takes a life-changing event to make us really see the way we’re living based on the choices we’ve made.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Hey, Gertie, something strange happened last night.” Gertie patted my leg. “I’m sure it seemed that way, but things in Sinful are never quite normal compared to other places.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“So, what were you doing that was such a secret?"
"Making moonshine."
I stared. "You're kidding me."
"Nope."
"Moonshine? As in rednecks and brown jugs and prohibition?"
Ida Belle drew herself up straight.
"It hasn't been illegal in quite some time. We're hardly rednecks, and we put all of our moonshine into pretty pink cough syrup bottles.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Forrest Gump had gotten it all wrong. Life wasn’t a box of chocolates. It was a box of ex-lax, and I felt like I’d consumed the entire thing.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Ida Belle nodded. "All sorts of things rose out of the ground during Edgar. Why, my mother's coffin popped straight up out of the grave and cruised down Main Street. I always said you couldn't keep Moter down”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Then Gertie kicked Ida Belle under the table and she lifted her gaze to mine.
''I'm sorry I made you ride naked in my car wearing a trash bag,'' she said, not sounding the least bit sorry. ''No, you're not,'' I said”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Are you going to sit down?” Ida Belle asked. “Or am I supposed to drive down the bayou with you up there looking like a Jackie Chan hood ornament?”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Religion was by and large constructed by men, and I had yet to find a man who was logical. Deconstructing religious rules would definitely be a journey into madness.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“I stepped off the Learjet at the private airfield just before dawn. I’d been on the plane exactly seventeen hours, twenty-six minutes and fourteen seconds, wearing the same eight-hundred-dollar dress I’d worn when I killed a man twenty-five hours earlier. One of my shoes hadn’t made it out of the desert, and I clutched what remained of the other shoe in my right hand and my nine millimeter in the left. Apparently, eight-hundred-dollar dresses didn’t come with pockets or holsters, and I didn’t have the kind of cleavage that made a viable hiding place.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“She was a beauty queen!''
''Holy shit.'' Harrison dissolved into a fit of laughter. ''No way is Redding pulling that one off. Look at her. Her hair's shorter than mine.
''My hair is convenient for my job,'' I said, running a hand over inch-long, blond locks that had been trapped under a hot wig the day before, ''and besides, I thought short hair was fashionable.''
''Short, yes,'' Harrison said, ''but you're sporting the Britney Spears Nervous Breakdown style. Not a hit among men or the beauty pageant circuit”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“There wasn't any place on my body I could hide a gun not with that sleazy dress I had to wear. And that shoe had a spike on it. What the hell else is it good for?''
'' Jesus, Redding.'' Harrison laughed. ''Haven't you seen a movie, a magazine ad… another woman in public? Stilettos are common among people with oestrogen.''
''Which explains why you know what they are, and I don't. Why don't you play the girl on the next mission? You're obviously better suited”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“it”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“trying to stay out of whatever was”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“There had to be more to this town than God, banana pudding, and dead things.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Something was up in Sinful, Louisiana, and I’d bet my last box of bullets that these ladies were in the fat middle of it.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“I groaned and placed my head on the table, covering it with my arms. This was going to be even harder than the time I killed that drug lord with a Tic Tac.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Oh hell,” Ida Belle said. “God doesn't care about drinking beer. All those rules were made up by people trying to prevent you from doing something really wrong. Drunks make stupid decisions. If you don't drink, there’s less chance of doing something stupid.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“I stepped off the Learjet at the private airfield just before dawn. I’d been on the plane exactly seventeen hours, twenty-six minutes and fourteen seconds, wearing the same eight-hundred-dollar dress I’d worn when I killed a man twenty-five hours earlier.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“brow.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“she”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“Religion was by and large constructed by men, and I had yet to find a man who was logical.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“She didn’t like gardening or cleaning, so she wasn’t about to have ‘shit that needed watering or dusting’ around her place.”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“nice”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot

“only one road out here.” “Just stay cool,” I said. “They’re probably”
― Jana Deleon, Louisiana Longshot