The Dark Lord's Handbook Quotes

“Keep your friends close and your enemies dead.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“The enemy of my enemy is also my enemy. A dark lord has no friends.”
― Paul Dale , The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Fortunately, the uncertain parentage of an orphan is a crucial emotional scar that must be opened and used to undermine them. When he is standing before you in the final confrontation, if you happen to be his father, this is the time to reveal the fact. Even if you are not, it is worth suggesting you are anyway. It will mess with his head. It could be start of a beautiful relationship; one that should end in his unfortunate demise.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“(Democracy: a brilliant invention, that Penbury wished he had thought of, whereby citizens could voice their political will on pieces of paper, which actually gave them little or no choice, that were then deposited in a sealed box which, when opened elsewhere, were emptied onto the nearest fire and ignored while the politicians brokered real power between themselves. Genius.)”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Ricorda una cosa: sono tutti una manica di deficienti!”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Gli amici vanno tenuti vicini, i nemici sottoterra.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Se il tuo avversario ha una giusta causa per morire, tanto meglio.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“As I speak, he raises an army and heads east to his fortress. From there he will gather to him all the evil in the world before Coming Forth in an apocalyptic fashion. It’s going to be messy.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“The enemy of my enemy is also my enemy. A Dark Lord has no friends. The Dark Lord’s Handbook”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Keep healthy. Cream cakes are for the weak. The Dark Lord’s Handbook”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Shall I go down in history as a death bringer or a privy cleaner?”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“approaching monologue, as a novice there are certain aspects of the art that need to be made clear. Monologue is fundamentally a melodramatic art. Everything about a great Dark Lord monologue will be big. There should be big ideas, big emotions and a big performance. Big ideas should be no problem. If you don’t have big ideas you should think about a change in career. A Dark Lord without big ideas is like a poet without a bleeding heart. Common big ideas are world dominion (a little tired but popular with your armies), challenging the gods (may defy instead of challenge), overthrowing oppressors (the irony fits the form well) and naming months of the year after yourself (Mordenuary?).”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“They are raised as a family’s own but sooner or later the six-foot giant with flaming red hair is told by his dwarf parents that he is not their actual offspring.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“But then, as with all good things, more stupid people, who never really understood the underlying ideas, got involved and cocked it up?” “Indeed,” said Birkenfeldt.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Do not spare a building because it is beautiful or old. Think of what it can do for you, and if the answer is that it can demonstrate your Will, then it must be pulled down to its foundations. Be an iconoclast. You’re doing these people a favour. They may realise life is more than stone and sculpture, and the gods don’t give a damn.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“The lessons Morden had learnt when he had broken Billard’s finger were that not many understood the real nature of pain, and even fewer understood that true power does not come from indiscriminate acts but calculated demonstrations of Will.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Abbi cura della tua salute. Le torte alla panna sono cose da deboli.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Diffida delle pene d'amore; è solo lussuria sotto spoglie romantiche.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Lascia perdere gli stivali alla coscia e i frustini. Tu meriti ben altro.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook

“Non c'è limite alla tua genialità. Fa in modo che tutti lo sappiano.”
― Paul Dale, The Dark Lord's Handbook