The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab Quotes

“I’m making a list of when it’s acceptable for a pirate to cry. […] So far I’ve got: one - when holding a seagull covered in oil. Two - when singing a shanty that reminds him of orphans. Three - when confronted with the unremitting loneliness of the human condition. Four - chops. I’ve just written the word ‘chops’. Not really sure where I was going with that one. Any ideas?”
― Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

“It was about as close as you could get to the platonic ideal of a ham, if Plato had spent more time discussing hams and less time mucking about with triangles.”
― Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

“Except Baby Jesus never had a delicious honey-roast glaze, did he? So in many ways my ham was a lot better than Baby Jesus ever was,' pointed out the Pirate Captain.”
― Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab

“In his time the Pirate Captain had made a number of dramatic entrances of his own – not always intentional it had to be said, as quite often they were the result of him accidentally setting himself on fire – but even he had to admit that Cutlass Liz’s dramatic entrance set an extremely high dramatic-entrance standard.”
― Gideon Defoe, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab