The Song of the Quarkbeast Quotes

“All the great unanswered questions of the world will be answered. Who are we? What are we here for? Where will we end up? And most important of all: Can mankind actually get any stupider?”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Pretty?' I said, swivelling in the driver's seat to face him, 'you want to ask me out because I'm pretty?' 'Is there a problem with asking you out because you're pretty?' 'I think you blew it,' said Tiger with a grin. 'You should be asking her out because she's smart, witty, mature beyond her years and every moment in her company makes you want to be a better person - pretty of face should be at the bottom of the list.' 'Oh, blast,' said Perkins despondently. 'It should, shouldn't it?”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“What's with the "iMagic" name change?' I said without preamble.
'Industrial Magic was a bit of a mouthful,' he explained. 'Besides, putting an "i"in front of anything makes it more hip and current.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“A Quarkbeast is a small hyena-shaped creature that is covered in leathery scales and often described as: 'One tenth Labrador, six-tenths velociraptor and three-tenths kitchen food blender.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“If a shred of integrity fell into your soul, it would die a very lonely death.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“magic swirls about us like an invisible fog of energy that can be tapped by those gifted enough, using a variety of techniques that center on layered spelling, mumbled incantations, and a burst of concentrated thought channeled through the index fingers. The technical name for this energy is "variable electro-gravitational mutable subatomic force," which doesn't mean anything at all--confused scientists just gave it an important-sounding name so as not to lose face. The usual term is "wizidrical energy," or simply "the crackle.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“I liked him, but since his particular field of interest was Remote Suggestion--the skill of projecting thoughts into people's heads from a distance--I didn't know whether I actually liked him or he was just suggesting I like him, which was both creepy and unethical. In fact, the whole Remote Suggestion or "seeding" idea had been banned once it was discovered to be the key ingredient in promoting talent less boy bands, which had until then been something of a mystery.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Good," said Moobin. "Any questions?"
"Yes," said Tiger. "Why do inflammable and flammable mean the same thing?"
"Sorry, I should rephrase that: Any questions relating to the job at hand?"
There weren't.
"Well," said Moobin with finality, "there it is, then. Rest well.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“The only thing you really get to figure out after a lifetime of study is that there's more stuff to figure out. Frustrating and enlightening at the same time.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“The only member of the inner sanctum of licensed sorcerers absent was Patrick of Ludlow, who was busy moving an oak for a wealthy client eager to alphabetize his arboretum.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Miss Strange?” said the receptionist. “The King’s Useless Brother has become bored and will see you early.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“You’ll pass or my name’s not Jennifer Strange.”
“Your name’s not Jennifer Strange.”
“What?”
“You’re a foundling. You don’t know what your name is.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Lady Mawgon, please don’t think me insensitive, but any attempt to reanimate Mr. Pusskins on the back of the Dibble Storage Coils hacking enchantment might be looked on disfavourably by the other wizards.”
Her eyes narrowed and she gave me one of those stares that seem to hit the back of my skull like a dozen hot needles.
“None of you have an idea what Mr. Pusskins meant to me.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“You intend to go . . . supersonic?’ ‘Trust us,’ said Owen with a smile, ‘it’s faintly possible that we know what we’re doing.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“After almost two hours, the phone rang. I could guess who it was.
"Hello, Blix," I said before he could say anything. "Adding kidnapping to your long list of felonies?"
"We prefer to think of it as 'vacationing at the specific invitation of His Majesty," replied Blix. "Open the top drawer of the bureau."
I did so, and found a contract for Kazam to concede the competition, with all the details that Blix had already outlined. The document had been prepared by a law firm in Financia and registered with the Ununited Kingdoms Supreme Court, so even if King Snodd had wanted to reverse the deal, he couldn't.
"It's all there," said Blix. "I knew my or the King's word wouldn't be good enough, so I made it official. Sign it and your vacation in the North Tower is over."
"And if I don't?"
"Then you'll stay there until six Mondays from now, and we'll have Kazam for nothing."
"Blix?"
"Yes?"
"Are you in the castle watching the top of the North Tower at the moment?"
"I might be."
I ripped the phone from the wall and tossed it out the open window. The telephone took almost five seconds to hit the ground. It was a pointless gesture, but very satisfying.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Trust us,” said Owen with a smile. “It’s faintly possible that we know what we’re doing.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Staff can be so difficult these days, wanting frivolous little luxuries like food, shoes, wages . . . and human dignity.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“Most people thought you just waved your hands and sim-sallah-bim, but it was a lot more complex than that. Sorcery was not so much doing what you wanted to do but doing what you could do—or ingeniously finding a way around the physical limitations of the craft.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“You’re very patronizing,” I pointed out. “Very clever of you to notice, girlie. Have”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“You’re very patronizing,” I pointed out. “Very clever of you to notice, girlie. Have a look at this.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast

“But that was what research and development were like. Full of semi-triumphs and perplexing unforeseen consequences like the whole violent hiccuping thing when conjuring up fire - or the propensity for fillings to fall out of bystanders' teeth when attempting to tease a rainstorm out of a cloud.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Song of the Quarkbeast