The Last Guardian Quotes

“Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Nobody's death is impending."
..."Well technically everyone's death is impending.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers.
"Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Artemis Fowl will never be secondary."

"I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Card five hundred and thirty-four," repeated Artemis. "Of a series of six hundred standard inkblot cards. I memorized them during our sessions. You don't even shuffle."
Argon checked the number on the back of the card: 534. Of course. "Knowing the number doesn't answer the question. What do you see?"
Artemis allowed his lip to wobble. "I see an ax dripping with blood. Also a scared child, and an elf clothed in the skin of a troll."
"Really?" Argon was interested now.
"No. Not really. I see a secure building, perhaps a family home, with four windows. A trustworthy pet, and a pathway leading from the door into the distance. I think, if you check your manual, you will find that these answers fall inside healthy parameters."
Argon did not need to check. The Mud Boy was right, as usual.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile."
"...Where's all the loot?"
"That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart."
Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four.
"You were here to rob me!"
"No, I wasn't. How dare you?!”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“You don't understand!' Foaly objected.
Trouble cut him off with a chop of his hand through the air. 'I never understand. That's why we pay you and your dork posse."
Foaly objected again. 'They are not dorks!'
Trouble found space for yet another holster. 'Really? That guy brings a Beanie Baby to work every day. And your nephew, Mayne, speaks fluent Unicorn.'
'They're not all dorks,' said Foaly, correcting himself.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“We lost the crickets," she said. "Even you can't make that sound tough."

..."I am Butler," he said with a straight-face. "Everything I say sounds tough. Now, get out of the lake, fairy.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Ignorance, as they say, is usually fatal, but sometimes it can be bliss.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Holly clambered after him, struggling up the human-size steps.
"Wait! Just wait," she called, overtaking Artemis and looking him in the eye from one step up. "I know you, Artemis. You like to play your genius card close to your chest until the big reveal. And that's worked out for us so far. But this time you need to let me in. I can help. So, tell me the truth, do you have a plan?"
Artemis met his friend's gaze and lied to her face.
"No," he said. "No plan.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland.
A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?"
All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Artemis looked at Holly and felt a tremendous affection for her... he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was...
She is truly magical, thought Artemis. Perhaps her qualities are more obvious to me now that I have decided to sacrifice myself.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Humans have a saying that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", which basically means that if you think it's beautiful, then it is beautiful. The elfin version of this saying was composed by the great poet B.O Selecta, who said "Even the plainest of the plain shall deign to reign", which critics have always thought was a bit rhymey. The dwarf version of this maxim is "If it don't stink, marry it", which is slightly less romantic, but the general gist is the same.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“We lost the crickets.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“This might hurt a little is universal code for this will definitely hurt a lot”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Was there anything else? asked the centaur. Did Artemis say or do anything else?
Holly shook her head miserably. No. He got a little sentimental, which is unusual for him, but understandable. He told me to kiss you.
She stood on tiptoes and kissed Foaly’s forehead.
“Just in case, I suppose.”
Foaly was suddenly upset, and almost overwhelmed, but he coughed and swallowed it down for another time.
He said, Kiss Foaly. Those exact words?
No, said Holly, thinking back. He kissed me, and said, Give him that from me.
The centaur grinned, then cackled, then dragged her across the lab.
We need to get your forehead under an electron microscope, he said.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“How could you...? How?"
"Logically you have no right to be angry. I simply followed your lead."
...He is really going through with it.
"No," She managed.
"There is no other way.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary."
"I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..."
... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible.
"Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Perhaps we can win, he thought. But there will be no happy ending”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“So, let's make a deal: If you do not voice all the withering comments about the weight or uselessness of this jacket that are no doubt swirling in that big brain of yours, then I will not mention the super-laser episode again. Agreed?"
This jacket is really cutting into my shoulders, thought Artemis. And it's so heavy that I could not outrun a slug.
But he said, "Agreed.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“The boy who kidnapped Holly Short all those years ago would never have entertained the notion of sacrificing himself. But he was no longer that boy. His parents were restored to him, and he had brothers. And dear friends. Something else Artemis had never anticipated.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“He knew that Dr. Argon would advise him against bottling up his emotions as it would lead to psychological scarring in the long term.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Of course. Opal is toying with our emotions for her own gratification. Nothing more. She wishes to place herself in a position of power, emotionally.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.

Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian

“Humanity was heaved back to the paper age in half a second. Life-support systems spat out bolts of energy and died. Precious manuscripts were lost. Banks collapsed as all financial records for the past fifty years were completely wiped out. Planes fell from the sky, the Graum II space station drifted off into space, and defense satellites that were not supposed to exist stopped existing. People took to the streets, shouting into their dead cell phones as if volume could reactivate them. Looting spread across countries like a computer virus while actual computer viruses died with their hosts, and credit cards became mere rectangles of plastic. Parliaments were stormed worldwide as citizens blamed their governments for this series of inexplicable catastrophes. Gouts of fire and foul blurts of actual brimstone emerged from cracks in the earth. These were mostly from ruptured pipes, but people took up a cry of Armageddon. Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Last Guardian