The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache Quotes

“There are ten parts of speech and they are all troublesome.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache

“Some German words are so long that they have a perspective.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache

“Every noun has a gender, and there is no sense or system in the distribution; so the gender of each must be learned separately and by heart. There is no other way. To do this one has to have a memory like a memorandum-book. In German, a young lady has no sex, while a turnip has. Think what overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous disrespect for the girl. See how it looks in print—I translate this from a conversation in one of the best of the German Sunday-school books: Gretchen: “Wilhelm, where is the turnip?”
Wilhelm: “She has gone to the kitchen.”
Gretchen: “Where is the accomplished and beautiful English maiden?”
Wilhelm: “It has gone to the opera.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language

“My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language. Die Schreckliche Deutsche Sprache. Slovenly Peter. Nachdichtung von Heinrich Hoffmanns 'Struwwelpeter'

“I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache

“Mein Herz ist voller
Dankbarkeit, aber meine Armut an
deutschen Worten zwingt mich zu
großer Sparsamkeit des Ausdruckes.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache

“I miei studi filologici mi hanno dimostrato che una persona dotata è in grado di imparare l’inglese (tolta l’ortografia e la pronuncia) in trenta ore, il francese in trenta giorni e il tedesco in trent’anni.
Mi sono sempre chiesto a cosa serva l’eternità. Adesso l’ho capito: serve a dare agli uomini un’occasione per imparare il tedesco: è dunque evidente che si tratta di una lingua che ha bisogno di essere semplificata e rimessa in sesto. Se dovesse rimanere così com’è, converrà archiviarla rispettosamente fra le lingue morte, perché solo i morti avranno il tempo di impararla.”
― Mark Twain, The Awful German Language / Die schreckliche deutsche Sprache