Flashman Quotes

“If anything she was a shade too plump, but she knew the ninety-seven ways of making love that the Hindus are supposed to set much store by―though mind you, it is all nonsense, for the seventy-fourth position turns out to be the same as the seventy-third, but with your fingers crossed.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“I recognized the handwriting, and my heart gave a skip; when I opened it I got a turn, for it began, 'To my beloved Hector,' and I thought, by God she's cheating on me, and has sent me the wrong letter by mistake. But in the second line was a reference to Achilles, and another to Ajax, so I understood she was just addressing me in terms which she accounted fitting for a martial paladin; she knew no better. It was a common custom at that time, in the more romantic females, to see their soldier husbands and sweethearts as Greek heroes, instead of the whore-mongering, drunken clowns most of them were. However, the Greek heroes were probably no better, so it was not far off the mark.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“This myth called bravery, which is half-panic, half-lunacy (in my case, all panic), pays for all; in England you can’t be a hero and bad. There’s practically a law against it.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“Now, look you here, Sekundar," says I, but he came up straight like a little bantam and cut me off.
"Sir Alexander. if you please," says he icily, as though I’d never seen him with his breeches down, chasing after some big Afghan bint.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“But I still state unhesitatingly, that for pure, vacillating stupidity, for superb incompetence to command, for ignorance combined with bad judgment --in short, for the true talent for catastrophe -- Elphy Bey stood alone. Others abide our question, but Elphy outshines them all as the greatest military idiot of our own or any other day.
Only he could have permitted the First Afghan War and let it develop to such ruinous defeat. It was not easy: he started with a good army, a secure position, some excellent officers, a disorganized enemy, and repeated opportunities to save the situation. But Elphy, with the touch of true genius, swept aside these obstacles with unerring precision, and out of order wrought complete chaos. We shall not, with luck, look upon his like again.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“We stood there for a full half hour, like so many scarecrows, while they jeered at us from a distance, and one or two of us were shot down.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“It's a great thing, prayer. Nobody answers, but at least it stops you from thinking.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“You are a sorry creature, Flashman. I have failed in you. But even to you I must say, this is not the end. You cannot continue here, but you are young, Flashman, and there is time yet. Though your sins be as red as crimson, yet shall they be as white as snow. You have fallen very low, but you can be raised up again …”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“Some human faults are military virtues, like stupidity, and arrogance, and narrow-mindedness.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“Is it always like this?” I asked. “What is it?”
“What is the dish, your grace?” asked the wit. “Why, it’s called curry, don’t you know? Kills the taste of old meat.”
“If that’s all it kills, I’m surprised,” says I, disgusted. “No decent human being could stomach this filth.”
“We stomach it,” said another. “Ain’t we human beings?”
“You know best about that,” I said. “If you take my advice you’ll hang your cook.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“Is it always like this?” I asked. “What is it?”
“What is the dish, your grace?” asked the wit. “Why, it’s called curry, don’t you
know? Kills the taste of old meat.”
“If that’s all it kills, I’m surprised,” says I, disgusted. “No decent human being
could stomach this filth.”
“We stomach it,” said another. “Ain’t we human beings?”
“You know best about that,” I said. “If you take my advice you’ll hang your
cook.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“This myth called bravery, which is half panic, half-lunacy (in my case, all panic), pays for all; in England you can’t be a hero and bad. There’s practically a law against it.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“We shall not, with luck, look upon his like again.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“I took Elspeth home first. I had written to my father while we were on honeymoon, and had had a letter back saying: “Who is the unfortunate chit, for God’s sake? Does she know what she has got?” So all was well enough in its way on that front.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“I disliked Scotland and the Scots; the place I found wet and the people rude. They had the fine qualities which bore me – thrift and industry and long-faced holiness, and the young women are mostly great genteel boisterous things who are no doubt bedworthy enough if your taste runs that way. (One acquaintance of mine who had a Scotch clergyman’s daughter described it as like wrestling with a sergeant of dragoons.) The men I found solemn, hostile, and greedy, and they found me insolent, arrogant, and smart.”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman

“In her, ignorance and stupidity formed a perfect shield against the world: this, I suppose, is innocence. It”
― George MacDonald Fraser, Flashman