No Hope for Gomez! Quotes

“Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I shouted the perfect words to scare him off. It was just the delivery (and only the delivery) that made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.
I felt dirty and stupid.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“We played for about half an hour before I realized we were actually playing two different games. What I’d thought of as ludo was actually a game called gin rummy, and what Warren was playing seemed to be a mixture of craps and table tennis. Once we started playing by one consistent set of rules, though, the fun was really over.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“In all these years, I’ve never seen you smile so often. Are you mentally ill?”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“You’re stuck with yourself for the rest of your life, and now you know, beyond a doubt, that you’re an asshole.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Gravity has a slightly stronger hold on me than it does on other people. I’m sure of it. It pulls on me a little harder during the day, and really tugs away at me first thing in the morning. It’s freaky.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“She’s funny and intelligent, well-mannered and clean, and her smile is exceedingly cute. Also, she has big tits.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“It felt a bit like French kissing an old lady; all the right moves, but in totally the wrong places.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I wasn’t going to have my pressure points fondled unexpectedly.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“His gums stopped bleeding and his skin cleared up.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Reputable companies don’t get their test subjects through ads in gaming magazines,”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I’d urge you to stay away from any and all martial arts practitioners for the time being.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“what tipped me off was the pink nighty I was wearing and the abundance of flowers decorating my room.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“what was it they called you? It’s on the tip of my tongue. It was something to do with cats and large amounts of body fat…”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“What was wrong with people these days? Couldn’t a guy have a few beers to drown a personal problem without getting caught up in a makeshift intervention?”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I wore an elaborate disguise that made me look like a caterer from a rivaling company.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I’d mistakenly shown myself to be the kind of guy (test subject) who stood out in her garden wondering about her underwear.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I must’ve been stone-cold sexy this whole time without even realizing.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“why hadn’t all these women tried to jump me?”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Then I wondered, briefly, where one might obtain a prosthetic Adam’s apple, and what its primary use would be.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Women! Who knew how their minds worked?”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Toyed with the idea of letting it go to voicemail, then remembered the sick messages the phone-sex salesman had been leaving me,”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“Effectively feeling himself dry out and expire over a period of days.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“calculator (with reverse Polish notation),”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“made me sound like a twelve-year-old girl with pee running down her leg.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I said, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. I’m a stalker.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“I knew I should’ve started stalking her first! Damn my not-so-devious brain. When would I learn that women don’t go for nice guys?”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!

“what a phone-sex salesman would be selling me exactly.”
― Graham Parke, No Hope for Gomez!