Christina (A Reader of Fictions) > Recent Status Updates

I could tell from the very first sentence that I was going to love this.

I could tell from the very first sentence that I was going to love this.

So this is Jack...

Doing well so far. Beneath the dialect, I really like the writing and the subject matter. Also love the sibling dynamics.

Please let the dialect not make me hate this. I could use an awesome read.

So far, her dad has called her:
Jesseroon, chicken and wee nut brown maid.

I thought my dad's nicknames were bad.

"There was a longish silence then she asked about my parents. Which was a relief; rattling off their sorry story was easy and I hope made me sound more sensible and objective."

Bad Writing Combo Challenge unlocked!

For something positive, this bit with Mand is an interesting comparison to abortion when it was illegal and girls would try themselves or go to low-market doctors. Creepy.

"She'd never liked the idea of girls volunteering anyway - she wasn't like Dad."

Oh good, let's have the dash get in on all of this incorrect sentence-combining action.

"I should have taken the opportunity when it was offered. Because it certainly didn't get any easier."

I'm not completely opposed to starting sentences with because, however I do not see why that was at all necessary. COMBINE THEM.

"What were they sorting out? How to get divorced? How to divide up the house and the car and the furniture and knives and forks, how to divide me?"

Another misuse of a semi-colon:
"Then we walked back to my house holding hands and not talking, feeling as if we owned the night and everything in it; moon, stars, the dark shapes of trees, the crouching quiet houses."
I believe you wanted a colon, NOT a semi-colon. *headdesk*

Unless grammar laws are different in Britain. Maybe that's it. (That's not it.)

"He began to kiss me again. And to move as slowly and gently as a little pink earthworm when you pick it up from the garden in the palm of your hand."

WAY TO KILL THE SEX SCENE. *struggles not to barf*

"His eye-beams were practically boring a hole in the keys."

What the fuck are 'eye-beams'?

There's finally a semi-colon and it too is WRONG.

"Time to stop being childish; she was right."

That first part =/= a sentence. ARGH.

I cannot get over how many comma splices are in this book.

Ex: "I thought of the drugs trial volunteers, they were nearly all men."

DID ANYONE EDIT THIS BOOK?

I love Erin. She is made of snark and judgment.

"some religions nutter"

I believe you meant religious. Serious, editor, what's up?

"Ha! I'm not afraid of you, and I never will be." I wouldn't mention the timed I had, in fact, been afraid of him.
"So you keep saying. But I'll keep trying to change your mind."

Well, isn't that charming.

"Why shouldn't anyone over 10 should be able to elect representatives and have them stand for us in parliament?"

Editing FAIL.

The plot twist I've been waiting for since near the beginning of the book just happened. I am not shocked.