Nabila Tabassum Chowdhury > Recent Status Updates

"The thing about trauma that many fail to grasp is that it frequently is a magnet for more of the same. That’s not victim shaming or blaming. It is simply a fact that left unchecked, trauma can manifest itself into other problems."

+"I've been praying fervently for God to help me,but his answers are jumbled & confusing I'm driven by my hatred for our society (“the system”) while at the same time tortured by my own compassion.God has shown me the face of evil.Evil is real only because we make it real.Evil can live in a person and society as well. I've been inflicted by an evil “demon” that is nurtured by our so- called Criminal Justice System."

"I have once again become a medium of violence in the world and once again wish I was not alive. I know there is good, and love in my heart and yet at the same time there is a huge reservoir of hatred (evil) that drives me to hurt people, even those I love."

"He whined later that he didn’t learn about sex from peers or family, but from participants of a program filled with deviants."

"A home can be a healing space or a house divided."

"Aunt Brandy wondered how thorough law enforcement could have been to leave something like a gun behind."

"That unyielding determination, some believed, was getting in her way of recovery."

"“That session had lasted for hours. I just remember that I was sitting there, I was just so tired, and I was crying. I was getting a headache. I remember that I took accountability for lying when I knew I really hadn’t lied about anything. At that point, I just felt hopeless.”"

"And that is exactly what my so- called early crimes were; an attempt to find answers to questions that I did not even know how to ask!”"

"“In those moments when he was sexually assaulting me,” she said, “I was grateful that it wasn’t my brother being assaulted. Because it hurt me more to see my brother in pain."

"Before Shasta came into her life, she thought that enough love could make things okay. Maybe not perfect, but love was the way to help, even save, a child."

"Some people seemed to revel in the role of helping. It was a calling card that they’d present whenever it suited them. Attention for being a good person is as addictive as meth."

"The problem that kept coming up was that what she had to say was light- years beyond what some had wanted to hear. Or rather, could hear."

"“No more games,” he said. The approach made no sense to Shasta. Made her angry too. Nothing she’d said, how she felt, what she remembered, had been a game of any kind."

"Everything that I did was used as an excuse for what happened to me."

"Steve didn’t know what to do. He could see only that his daughter, whom everyone knew and loved, was destroying herself. He didn’t see how all that love and support people had for Shasta was affecting her. How even the best of intentions had also become twisted into something very ugly and dangerous."

"Or maybe it was that those who were helping her, though with the best of intentions, couldn’t really gather the full depth of what she’d gone through. Certainly, they knew many of the facts. However, to hear it was far different from living through it."

"Mark’s easygoing nature with Brenda was the opposite of her father’s combative approach to just about everything."

"She was astute at playing a role— and determining when others were doing the same thing. An actor can spot a pretender in a couple of seconds. A survivor can assess where things are going while plotting their next five moves."

"She occupied that strange space between childhood and adulthood."

"Years later, Shasta would accept that her much- admired will to survive was a double- edged sword. It messed with her. Sometimes a great strength can also be the source of cliff- dive downfall."

"She knows that when people look at her, judge her, or even feel sorry for her, they are only thinking of what had happened to her. Not who she is now or, maybe even more crucially, who she wants to be. None capture what she sees when she looks into a mirror."

"But of those that get in trouble and need rescue, almost all have been juveniles. Like human adolescents, they seem to be curious about everything and less cautious. When they get into trouble, they are less able to extricate themselves."

"each Scrub Jay caches thousands of acorns every year, over the last 150 years they’ve cached millions and millions of acorns in our town. Thanks to the Scrub Jays, our town is studded with oak trees on its hillsides as proof. So yes, these trees belong to the Scrub Jays by right of inheritance."

"I parse out the traits of human emotions to see if any are found in the behavior of birds. What about the two Pygmy Nuthatches that sat side by side watching the storm, while the male groomed the female by pulling off mites? Was that an avian expression of love? Do humans express it any better? Would Lou pluck parasites off my scalp and eat them?"

"In most art photos and illustrations of hummingbirds, the males are depicted. They are more colorful. They sing. They do displays. The less flamboyant females receive short shrift, barely a nod to their existence, unless the photos include nestlings. Today I will start drawing a detailed portrait of a female hummingbird. I will think about all she does to ensure the survival of the feckless father’s offspring."

"He would not help build the nest, nor feed her or the nestlings. When I learned that the female does all the work, my appreciation increased exponentially."

"But then I misplaced the fluff, and the evidence of my felonious feather gathering was gone. I will not go to prison, a place where I could have gotten a lot of writing done."

"I rationalize the cost of mealworms by calculating the amount of money I have saved by not having children. I would have been funding college tuition for grandkids by now. I can justify buying mealworms by the millions."

"Is heavy smoke the reason I have seen four new species in the last three weeks? The birds must be coming here to breathe and bathe."