Status Updates From Random Acts of Trust (Rando...

Narrated by Elena Wolfe and Sebastian York.

(And then, later, the credits say this was narrated by Andi Arndt and Sebastian York, both members of SAG-AFTRA. Is this situation like Jacob Morgan’s - doesn’t he narrate under another name as well?)

(The web tells me Jacob Morgan = Zachary Webber.)

I don’t need you to be right. I just want you to be real.

I wasn’t being kissed - I was being slimed.

That’s what life was all about, right? Learning how to be the different you’s that made you you?

Let me see. So I know what shade to make next time I make your coffee.

Be weak. Be strong. Each of us should be able to be both whenever we need to be. The problem is you don’t get to choose when you *get to be* weak or strong. Life doesn’t work that way. … Vulnerablility. It’s not a sin to be weak. It’s a black mark on society that we live in a system that disparages the very essence of what makes us human.

Her voice couldn’t have been more devoid of emotion if she was Death Incarnate herself.

Turning back to her mom with the eyes of someone who’d been betrayed. Back in college, of a woman turned such eyes on a guy, that meant his stuff would soon be dumped all over the Commons with beer poured on it.

All my life, I thought she needed me to be a goody two-shoes to balance my brother, but she only needed someone to buy into the lie she kept telling herself to go on with life.

Why deal with real-life messy relationships when you can watch people squirm in fictional ones?

(Pointing to Spam label) Half of these preservatives and other ingredients are used in biological warfare. (Holding up Velveeta box) And this? You might as well mix candle wax with cheese!

(Wow. Tell us how you *really* feel.)

What do you mean you don’t like my Spam? Mix it with some eggs and Velveeta and it’s good.

That’s the problem. Spam and Velveeta in the same meal!

😳

The words didn’t come easily, probably because the feelings hadn’t either.

~~~~~

Well, now you know what my family is like.

Tell me about it. Hover mom with a blind spot for that piece of $h!t.

A few days ago, this situation would have left me crying. But once you let go of hope, the only tears left are for the person you once were, full of hope.

… and shove your balls so far down your throat you’d think you were sucking on cough drops.

Some women spend their entire lives looking for their G spot. Amy was looking for her 4G spot.

A woman would know … unless her vagina was so big sex was like sliding a hot dog down a giant hallway!

Sartre was right. Hell *is* other people.

Her eyebrows shot up so high she could have used them to change lightbulbs in the overhead light sockets.

Are you gonna pull it out?

No! I’m not gonna midwife your phone. Have you tried pulling it out?

Yeah! I’ve my whole f#cking fist up there!

Random acts, indeed. But ours were not random acts of crazy - they were random acts of trust.

(Boom. Book title. 😃)

I know I was supposed to be jaded and hard-edged and not talk about fairy tales as if they were real. I was supposed to be … all smooth and edgy, but even smart, “above that crap” girls should be allowed to be a d@mn princess on prom night!

New England is different from other parts of the country. There’s a coldness to people, a reserve that seems normal if you were raised here, but when you spread your wings a little and travel around, you realize that everyone else thinks we’re just a bunch of uptight “M@$$holes.”

I found my smartphone. Even when you’re stone-cold broke, you’ve got enough for a basic plan.

Nobody wants to see an angel clip their wings. Nobody wants to take away someone else’s drive. … She hadn’t needed to push me down in order to rise above me. All she’d needed was to be my equal and then to do better.

The lushness of her mouth like finding the God that I had doubted and seeing that an ordained world made sense again.

Drum pads: little circles designed so you could practice drums without making too much noise

What kind of woman gets three men interested in her at the same time? The thought made me blush with rage. And arousal. Anger drained out … because why not? Ideas aren’t inherently bad. There’s nothing wrong with letting yourself imagine something new that you could do, even if you never thought in a million years that you’d act on it.

You got a place already?

The power of Craig’s List!

You’re kidding me.

Do you know how cheap a place is in Philly compared to here?

The events of 4.5 years ago came slamming through my mind - boom! boom! boom! - like paintballs: multicolored and painful.