Craig

“Feel free to put on some music you like."
I didn't have the faintest clue how to work the radio or satellite thing or whatever the hell it was. Fortunately, it was already playing what appeared to be classic rock at a volume that still allowed conversation. "This is fine," I said. If it had been opera or jazz or anything weird, I'd have had to figure the damn thing out for my own sanity.”
― Diana Rowland, White Trash Zombie Apocalypse

“Often people come to me and say "As a best-selling author with many published works to your name, and a basement full of awards, most of them in need of a good polish, you must have some words of advice for the world that you wish to share."
And I do.
It's this.
If you have a 25lb long-haired calico cat whose fur is all matted into evil dreadlocks, and who is too fat to properly clean herself, do not put fresh batteries into an ancient beard trimmer and attempt to shave her. You will only cause distress to the cat, and create a mess. There are professionals who will happily do this kind of thing, for a small fee. Leave it to them.
(This has been a public service announcement on behalf of Furball the cat, currently believed to be hiding in the attic in a severely traumatized state.)”
― Neil Gaiman, Adventures in the Dream Trade

“Sometimes the best defense is a T.rex.”
― Jim Butcher, Peace Talks

“Introductions should be to the point. Afterwords can go all over the show. Even so, I know there were a few things I planned to say, back when I started.
I've got it written down somewhere, on a napkin. You ready? Okay.
The US healthcare system stinks; friendship's important; sex is never that simple; and cats do whatever the fuck they want to.
That's all. Thank you, drive safely, use a condom. Don't make too much noise leaving.
Goodnight.”
― Neil Gaiman, Adventures in the Dream Trade