Jacob

“I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?”
― Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl

“Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said.

"Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.”
― Eoin Colfer, The Atlantis Complex

“Thou art a very ragged Wart.”
― William Shakespeare, Henry IV, Part 2

“Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder”
― Eoin Colfer, The Time Paradox