Kids/Teens Book Club discussion
Games
>
Last Posts Win
message 17601:
by
Irene
(new)
Jul 19, 2014 07:12PM
reply
|
flag
Mod
How about you?
I'm alright, if not creatively frustrated. I have an idea for a novel, I just have to get writing, and I have a chord progression that I like a lot, but I have no words for it... it's annoying.
yeah, it's hard to start, though. It's hard to do that.
Ethan wrote: "I'm alright, if not creatively frustrated. I have an idea for a novel, I just have to get writing, and I have a chord progression that I like a lot, but I have no words for it... it's annoying."If I'm composing I pull on music theory concepts...but I think we have had this discussion and you are more of a no rules kind of guy. So, my suggestion is look at how what you have feels (if that makes sense?) and then brainstorm groups of words that invoke/match those feelings. It's not my fall back method, but it's how a teacher got a couple people composing in the class who had ideas but not enough know-how to execute.
Nopers. No six-hour timespans are to be unbroken here.
Shoot. It loaded the wrong page! Well.
'Allo!
Hallo! Has your fitness camp stopped yet?
Brb! Potentially...
Mod
Been over about a week, I think.
'Pparently not "back"... Must be gone. Bye guys! See you on the flip-flop, sandal, jandal, or flat!
Mod
Mod
I know right.
Mod
hey, so I just started this book and I want you guys to tell me what you think. It's a very little, but the beginning is really important. “The soup is right down that aisle over there.” The clerk said, smiling broadly as if nothing was wrong in the world.
“Thanks for the help.” I answered, trying to return the smile with one that looked equally as genuine. As soon as he turned to continue working, my smile vanished and I felt the heat rising in my face. I could hear my voice in my head, ringing out clear as day. Oh my God, I am literally the stupidest human being on the planet. How could I not see that? There’s a sign right there that says “SOUP” he must think I’m an idiot. My face reddened, heat rising from my neck as I left the store as quickly as I could without looking stupid. I knew that they weren’t, but it seemed as though every single person in the store was looking at me on my way out to my car.
Mod
Not that that's saying much :)
I feel like that's a bit of an exaggeration.
Mod
Mod
“The soup is right down that aisle over there.” The cler..."
That was unexpectedly relatable. :P
It looks awesome, Ethan! Keep it up! :D
Ethan wrote: "hey, so I just started this book and I want you guys to tell me what you think. It's a very little, but the beginning is really important.
“The soup is right down that aisle over there.” The cler..."
Thats Great Ethan:D
“The soup is right down that aisle over there.” The cler..."
Thats Great Ethan:D
Awesome, Ethan! Glad you're keeping up with writing. :) You have a very conversational and honest way of writing, so I think there's a lot you can work with here. If it's okay, I'm just going to make some suggestions. Take what you like from this. ^_^If the sentence within quotation marks ends with a period, but the person speaking the sentence is next to it, then you use a comma instead of a period, and you include the speaker with the dialogue. Like dis:
"I wish I could've seen Montana," the Soviet officer said.
"Clear as day" - This is a cliché phrase, so try to avoid them, except as a purposeful dialogue choice for a character.
"Oh my God" - Sounds a bit like a Californian teenager. It's mostly a filler phrase, but I dunno if you should include taking the Lord's name in vain in your novel.
"Literally" the stupidest person on Earth? Mmmmmmm, I dunno. Use "literally" sparingly.
"There's a sign right there" - Where? Hanging from the ceiling? In the aisle?
Also, there should be a period after "SOUP," and the next sentence should be capitalized.
"My face reddened, heat rising from my neck" - You already used the phrase in italics earlier with this sentence "I felt the heat rising in my face."
Ethan wrote: "hey, so I just started this book and I want you guys to tell me what you think. It's a very little, but the beginning is really important. “The soup is right down that aisle over there.” The cler..."
Okay, Eris got all grammar Nazi and some of the big things I would have pointed out. Now, here is what I have to say. I have honestly have no clue because there is so very little of it....would you be willing to link/message me a larger portion, say 750 words worth? I feel that if I gave you feedback now it would be worthless because this is such a generic scene and I can see your writing style starting to poke through but not enough to tell the difference between it and the errors....If you were willing to send more I would love to read it, and I will tell you if it doesn't sound that great (constructively though).
Mod
I wouldn't really worry about all that stuff in a first draft *shrug* But it's up to you.
Kids/Teens Book Club
Books mentioned in this topic
Loot (other topics)The Hobbit, or There and Back Again (other topics)
Zombies Vs. Unicorns (other topics)
Bible Doctrine: Essential Teachings of the Christian Faith (other topics)
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Nadine Brandes (other topics)L. Frank Baum (other topics)
