I hate learning news about my friends from facebook

[smetchie]

I just found out that one of my closest friends* is moving to South Carolina. I read it on facebook. I didn't get a phone call or even a personal email. Not even a fucking text in lolspeak! What the fucking hell is wrong with people? This is someone I've known for over 10 years who is in my inner circle of friends. We spend holidays with them. My kids spend the night over there. I mean...I'm fucking devastated. But now am I supposed to call her and cry and tell her how happy I am that her husband got a great job offer but how sad I am to lose her? Well, I'm not. Because fuck that. I'm going to write about it here instead because right now I'm livid.






*or maybe I just imagined that

[Reads with Scotch]

You should link it to your FB page.

[Tom]

There's a good zoo in Columbia, and Charleston's nice. Well, not in July, but 7 months of the year it's nice. Some good beaches, foothills of the Appalachians, lots of Revolutionary war and some Civil War history stuff, relatively low taxes and strong property rights laws. Also, apparently it's where retirees are moving too instead of Florida now.

[smetchie]

Did I say Charleston? How did you know she's moving to Charleston you creepy fucking stalker?

[smetchie]

Oh I see. You're just highlighting lovely things about South Carolina. Yes. It's great and all. I adore Charleston. But that's not the same as having my friend right here where I can see her and our kids can grow up together. And the point is, you aren't supposed to drop a bomb like that on facebook.

[Tom]

There's maybe 4 cities in South Carolina worth the name. Charleston is the one with all the tourist stuff.

Except the zoo.

[Zen]

That is just a weird way to friends. At all. About anything personal and life-changing. Just weird.

[smetchie]

One of my friends, who insists on always seeing the good in those of us she loves, suggested that she did it because she was overwhelmed and sad and scared and couldn't take telling all of us individually. TOO FUCKING BAD! Too bad.

[Rusty]

See, this is another benefit of my "no friends" policy*. I don't give a shit what anyone around me does.

* It's not really a policy - it's just a way of life I adopted without realizing it. The wife's not real fond of it, but what are you gonna do?

[Tom]

If it's any consolation Greachen, the only reason Charleston in July didn't appear in Dante's Inferno as the 7th circle of hell was that the city hadn't been founded yet.

[Harry]

Rusty wrote: "See, this is another benefit of my "no friends" policy*. I don't give a shit what anyone around me does.

* It's not really a policy - it's just a way of life ..."

Rusty, I would now completely love being your friend, but I can't because I subscribe to the same "policy" It's too bad really. We could have been great friends.