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⌇вяσкєη ωιη∂σωs, sтαιηє∂ glαss sкιη⌇
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message 12051:
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[deleted user]
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Aug 04, 2019 09:05PM
But maybe it’s best for you
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But I’ve been down that road I see where it goes
Maybe it’s just see you later
I worry too much about heaven
But all it is, is another goodbye
Pair it with goodbye. Cuz that’s what I’m saying. Goodbye.
I say I am fat. He says “No, you are beautiful.” I wonder why I cannot be both.
Goodbyes like this are weird because you can’t say goodbye.
You ever wonder if you were meant to die in order for someone to learn something? That your whole purpose in life is to die?
I feel like that. Maybe I wasn’t meant to give out this much love. The universe accidentally did something wrong with me. I wasn’t supposed to get this much. But now I’ve gotta let go.
I was so happy not even that long ago.
Damn. I’ve been scrolling thru this journal and it’s so so so surreal to say in the least. It makes me sad, in a lot of ways. It’s really really sad to see how much I was hurting as a kid. I don’t know if anyone even remembers me or this but I guess I just wanted to say hi, if anyone does. My name is Saint. I came out as a transgender man in 2021 and have been through hell and back since. And I wouldn’t change a thing. My life now is so strong and beautiful and powerful. I’m so comfortable in my skin and I live in my own little apartment with two beautiful little kitties. I’m surrounded by friends who love me exactly as I am. And even better: I love me exactly as I am. It’s kind of cathartic to see all this. Man, I’ve grown up so much. I hope you all are healing too! Peace and love y’all!
Hey y'all I'm gonna delete this account in like a week after I have a chance to make sure I've connected with who I need, but I hope you all remember IT WILL BE OKAY. I started this journal just after I turned 13 years old. I was hurting. I was hurting so so so bad. And to anyone who is hurting, know I hear you. I hear you screaming into what feels like the void. I hear you begging to understand what is wrong with you. While the answer may be more clinical and psychological (I encourage anyone who needs it to SEEK HELP. It is so so scary but it is so worth it! Please keep fighting.) there is also another part of the answer in you. You are not wrong. You are not broken. You are not inherently damaged in some way. You are you. And I encourage you to embrace yourself with open arms. When you feel like nobody can love you: you can. You'll find ways to and you'll learn there's a lot more love than you thought. You are exactly who you are meant to be. You are an incredible, creative, talented spirit having a Human Experience. Take all the deep breaths you can and remember to never give up.
I'm going to close up with a journal entry I just wrote.
November 11, 2024
I am calm. I am breathing. I am relaxed. Everything is taken care of.
I am safe. I am safe here. I am safe here.
I am grieving. I'm allowed to grieve. I allow the grief to swallow me. I allow it to wrap it's heavy grip around my chest. I feel the ache. I feel the child in my heart who never felt like they were enough. I hold them in my heart. I hold them in my arms. I grab them by the shoulders and I shake them and I scream to them
There is boundless love waiting to receive you. Thank you for making it, however you did. You MADE IT. You made it to today. You made it to this moment despite everything. Every second of clawing and thrashing has kept you alive to feel the love around you. It's okay. It's okay to open your heart and feel it. You are allowed to accept love.
I am calm. I am breathing. I am relaxed. Everything is taken care of.
I am safe. I am safe here. I am safe here.
I am grieving. I'm allowed to grieve. I allow the grief to swallow me. I allow it to wrap it's heavy grip around my chest. I feel the ache. I feel the child in my heart who never felt like they were enough. I hold them in my heart. I hold them in my arms. I grab them by the shoulders and I shake them and I scream to them
You are enough!
You are enough!
You are enough.
You have always been enough!
You are you and that is beautiful!
Please, whatever you do, my love,
Never stop being you
There is boundless love waiting to receive you. Thank you for making it, however you did. You MADE IT. You made it to today. You made it to this moment despite everything. Every second of clawing and thrashing has kept you alive to feel the love around you. It's okay. It's okay to open your heart and feel it. You are allowed to accept love.
Books mentioned in this topic
A Midsummer Night’s Dream (other topics)The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)