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Will Once - somewhere and back again
Well it must be hard to get up to any wearing all those furs.
Hmmm ... I wonder if Eskimos have their own version of Ann Summers? Are we thinking crotchless seal skins in black or red with optional whalebone handcuffs?They must be one of those races or species, like hedgehogs, Daleks and sumo wrestlers where you have to wonder how they ever manage to have sex.
Will wrote: "Hmmm ... I wonder if Eskimos have their own version of Ann Summers? Are we thinking crotchless seal skins in black or red with optional whalebone handcuffs?They must be one of those races or spec..."
And dwarfs.
Or robins. Apparently, it is almost impossible to tell the difference between a gentleman robin or a lady robin. Even if you are a robin.And that means that when a male robin sees another robin he doesn't know whether it is a rival or a potential mate. He doesn't know whether to fight it or to f...
Its simple. a female robin is called Robyn.
Ah, and a male robin presumably wears brightly coloured tights and a mask, and he hangs about with a bloke dressed in black with a bat symbol on his chest?
Its hard to get the tights on over those little claws...
talcum powder helps. or so i'm told.
And baby oil.Ooops. OR baby oil. One or the other. Both at the same time tends to end up with a bit of a mess. Or so I'm told.
Oh yuck, yes I can imagine! And always use fresh squeezed babies.
Indeed. Few things cool the ardour faster than stale baby oil. It's a sure-fire way to get a one star review of your performance on Amazon - "Enthusiastic, attentive and flexible, but the baby oil was well past its shag-by date"
I didn't realise you could review lovers on Amazon. I suppose it had to come sooner or later.
We could make a fortune with this. Let's call it ShagAdvisor or Amabonk.Five stars - the earth moved
Four stars - the bedposts rattled
Three stars - I stayed awake
Two stars - haven't you finished yet?
One star - have you started?
Ooh, but I feel a blog coming on....
This should be good!
Sheesh. I mention a great part of an iconic Canadian children's programme and you lot get all dirty. You better Google Mr Dressup.
So this is a Tickle Trunk...https://thegreatbalancingact.files.wo...
and this is Mr Dressup
http://s22.photobucket.com/user/Rippl...
Sheesh that brings back memories.
Sheesh, I keep saying sheesh.I better get to bed.
Patti is now about 5 years old!
Well, what do you expect if you start talking Canadian to us? We're only flesh and blood. There is only so much "not quite American but with a French accent" that a mortal man can endure without turning to smut.
Well, I did say I felt a blog coming on...What would happen if we could give ratings for our sexual experiences?
Is the world ready for Shagadvisor or Amabonk?
I really hope my Mum isn't reading this!
https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
Ooooooh, Im famous!!Although im not sure quite what for...
Either way it'll be knocked off your fifteen minute allocation ;-)
Some people seem to get a lot more than that!
Ooh, but this one has got me hot under the collar! It seems that there is a grungy subculture in the ebook world for ultra cynical and ultra short non fiction books. https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
I watched the first few minutes of the vegetarian cook book one, and I think 'ultra cynical' just about sums them up :-(
Unfortunately there seem to be thousands of them out there. It is not in Amazon's interest to close them down, because a sale is a sale is a sale. I did see one person who had claimed to have published 500 books in a few years. My heart sinks
I'm addicted to self-help books. Do I need a self-help book to cure myself of this addiction?https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
The latest installment in my book writing adventure. How to get an ebook cover.https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
Well, I like the new cover.I know what you mean about all this... other stuff.
I never pay much attention to book covers as long as they don't have that 'now a major motion picture' or 'as seen of TV' type cover, so I din't bother much for my books & now I learn that people do indeed judge books by the cover.
I never paid that much attention to the blurbs of books I bought, finding them all exercises in overblown hyperbole. I only ever read them - usually in vain - to discover if they were a book in a series or a short story collection or whatever.
Now I find blurbs matter.
I would hear of a book, go to Amazon, buy it and leave. Now I learn that people browse Amazon and so search terms matter and metadata matters and genre matters.
Now it is getting increasingly expensive to put a book out with people saying a book now needs several different flavours of editor, a professional cover, an advertising and marketing budget, a social media presence, several reviews ready for the day it comes out and so on... and on... and on.
Perhaps doing something else instead would make more sense.
I think this has something to do with Gareth Bale's sleep patterns, formula one pit stops and the success of the GB cycling team.What do they all have in common? I'm not even sure if it has a name, but this BBC article calls it "relentless pursuit of marginal gains":
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football...
The idea is this ... if you want to succeed in a competitive field you should try to do lots of things a little bit better than before. We are long past the glory days when a professional sportsman could be out all night partying the night before a match, cut his hangover with a full English breakfast and twenty Marlboros ... and still be a hero on the pitch later that day.
It's the same with writing. A professionally edited book will have a better chance than a book with spelling and grammar mistakes. Ditto for the cover, blurb, title, marketing. Every little helps, said the old lady as she peed into the sea (that's the bit of the saying that Tesco leave out).
Any area that can get you an advantage, no matter how small, is an area that can be improved. That's the theory anyway.
Sure, it sounds like hard work. It is hard work. But when there is so much competition for readers, the winners will be the ones that treat it like a business and not a hobby.
Just to follow up on David's comments. I too hear of a book, look for it, probably check Amazon for it, buy it and leaveI don't 'browse' Amazon every year!
Jim wrote: "Just to follow up on David's comments. I too hear of a book, look for it, probably check Amazon for it, buy it and leaveI don't 'browse' Amazon every year!"
Take yesterday for example. I was listening to a writing podcast, decided the author being interviewed had an interesting-sounding book.
I turned my Kindle WiFi on, searched for the book by what I could remember of the title and author, found it, downloaded it and turned the Kindle Wifi back off.
I didn't look at the cover, read the blurb or - for that matter - any reviews.
Another example: I have a book out for the KDP free 5 days tomorrow. When I published it - sometime ago now - I just bunged an old photo of mine - with a title pasted on - as the cover and made the blurb up as I waited for KDP to upload it.
To be fair though, it is on the list to have a new cover, reformat and new blurb as soon as I can get to it. Mainly because I've been told that is what I must do.
Just an update today. Chatting about the new books I have coming out soon and new covers for old books.https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
What it was like to be a presiding officer at the UK elections...https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
So Many author threads to catch up on and you distract me with your blog. Sheesh.Oh well. No point in fighting it.
Great blog, Will!Sounds exactly like my experience of working a poll station in Canada. Except for the blizzard.
Yep, one year there was a huge snow storm on Election Day. Hundreds of volunteers got on their snowmobiles and ferried people back and forth to the stations. Was great fun.
Random but interesting.I think I gain more understanding of UK politics from you and Jim than I do from reading any news sites.
Mind you, the only news site I read is the Daily Mail...
When I visit my Mum I always enjoy reading her copy of the Daily Mail.Mind when, when I say "enjoy", I mean ... "am appalled and horrified by". It used to be a newspaper!
I used to enjoy getting a copy of the Mirror. I could sometimes complete the crossword in the Mirror.
The riddle of Taylor Swift. Uber successful or someone who can't sing? Bullied or a privileged childhood?Or maybe just a chance to listen to some nice choons.
https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
From Taylor Swift to Lewis Hamilton. Exactly what happened at yesterday's Monaco Grand Prix?https://willonce.wordpress.com/2015/0...
Cracking Blog WillAnd perhaps as good an analysis of the General Election as any I've seen
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I think we got the better deal.