chin up and we'll drown a little slower; Showing 45,751-45,800 of 46,581

[rimskur]

omgg I have so many Lebanese friends
one of them actually just flew to Beirut today

[jay, rip]

omg i wanna go back,, can ur friend take me w her

[rimskur]

it’s a him hahaha he’s bringing us back all kinds of things I’m so hype
he might bring back an argila

[jay, rip]

oh shitd sorry!
girl we have like 4 of those in our garage lmaoo my whole family smokes! u just gotta get the good tobacco from overseas ykno

[rimskur]

my parents are sooooo against smoking
my brother has a nicotine addiction and I’m just a light weight like I smoke a little hookah and I get major headaches but omg I had watermelon the other day and it tasted and smelled soooo good
I have a mini one and the burn marks on my carpet to prove it

[jay, rip]

awwwomg

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i took a 8 hour nap ://

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regular activity? I don’t know her

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i really am out here doing the least

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honestly i’m sorry that i’ve been so inactive lately with EVERYTHING from mod duties to QOTW to my RPs and stuff but

[incoming long post]

I don’t know if it’s just because my life is irregular af bc of fasting rn, or if is because i’m busy with work and my sleep schedule is so messed up, but i’ve been in a HUGE funk lately. like questioning every aspect of myself (stuff that i’ve been so sure of) and like realizing a few things about myself that are kinda hard pills to swallow?
like it’s no secret that i’m not the best person (soooo far from it lmao) but i’m actually really fucking self-centered and i don’t care enough about other people and i have ZERO empathy and shit and that hurts other people a lot???
i mean like i’m on a detox from romantic/sexual relationships and i think that’s helping me out a bit but in general, like aside from the dating and stuff, i am genuinely not a good person. i don’t really have much regard for other people and how they’re feeling and stuff? a good example is my mom, like i’m always trashing on her because she’s not accepting and doesn’t really like who i am and my personal identity and stuff, but i’m not seeing the whole picture, i’m not seeing the fact that she’s doing the best she can. she doesn’t accept me with a rainbow flag flying off her shoulders but that’s because she’s trying to do her best as a religious person because that’s what she’s passionate about. and she hasn’t kicked me out or put me in any immediate danger so that’s a good thing as well.
i also don’t really check up on other people the way i should. there are some people that i should be texting more often to see how they’re doing and such and if i can do anything to support them, etc., but i’m out here ignoring texts and cancelling plans last minute with them. i know that i can attribute some of that to mental illness because i don’t have the energy for that a lot of times, but a chunk of it is my fault.
a third thing is that i don’t really care about how my actions affect others and that’s a horrible thing, like a really horrible thing. i’m the type to play with feelings to get what i want, and that’s really fucking shitty. like really shitty. i can’t even explain how shitty i am when it comes to that. i don’t like that i do that and i’m trying to do everything in my power to help me kick that habit and actually start having regard for other people and how they feel, and how i’m making them feel. like no more of my usual act of like leading people on for temporary satisfaction and then crushing them later on when i tell them i’m not into them.

another problem i have with myself is that i kind of genuinely don’t know who i am. like underneath all of my badboy asshole act, who the fuck am i? i’ve got no passions, nothing i really LOVE with my whole heart, nothing i can say about myself that’s actually interesting. like who am i really? on the surface (if you read through this mess of a thread) you’ll see that i’ve got this “total asshole who wears a leather jacket and has long dark hair but also a romantic streak” act going on. while some of that is accurate, i’m letting that define who i am and thats not good. leather jacket asshole just feeds into my toxic traits that i mentioned above. romantic streak is nice, sure, but it also leads to more of the temporary satisfaction at the expense of others. i need to find passions, things that i’m interested in. i want to actually know what i’m doing with my life. i need to shape up and start exploring myself and who i actually am instead of who i tell myself i am. i think that’ll help with my shitty personality too??

so yeah i know this was super super long but what i’m trying to get at is, i’m sorry if i’ve ever wronged you. i acknowledge my toxic and ugly behavior, and i apologize for it. i am trying to improve upon it so it doesn’t happen again.
also i hope this is a semi-decent reason for the fact that i’m not on here as much as usual

[jay, rip]

on a much lighter note? taco bell is great

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i also haven’t managed to get myself to the doctor to get my last meningitis vaccine and hhjjjffjfjjdjdxj i feel like i’m gonna ebdbup fetting sick

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there was a literal mumps outbreak on campus last semester

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why won’t people vaccinate their babies :((( my niece is 6 and she’s not fully vaccinated yet because she’s too young but what if she gets sick from an older kid who’s not vaxxed :((( and what about people who are sick with low immunity and can’t get vaxxed, what if they get sick from someone who doesn’t have their vaccinations :(((

[jay, rip]

i just want to know what the reason is though, like what’s the reason why people don’t vaccinate? i mean the “vaccines cause autism” thing has been refuted like 500 times over, but is there something else that’s not making people get vaxxed :(((

[jay, rip]

today i was sitting in my cousin’s garage and i went on a 15 minute rant because HONESTLY

my dad didn’t go past middle school and he’s the smartest fucking human i’ve ever met. i go to a cool skool with university professors and students from all over the world. profs with like 3 PHD’s, students that are brighter than bright, etc. and my dad who didn’t go to 9th grade is the smartest guy i’ve met so far.

[jay, rip]

i mean it’s beyond the broader sense of how successful he is financially and how many languages he speaks and such. he’s a business owner with 3 languages under his belt but its soooooo much broader than that. he’s juggled like 3 businesses that he ran alone, not having gone to business school or anything, he’s quick with things like math but also with his humor. his grammar in english isn’t too great but that man can talk. like he’s persuasive and knows what to say and when to say it. he’s a poet (in arabic) like people pay him to write poetry for funerals and such. he can tell you the location of any item of his at any given time, he knows every dollar that goes in and out of his account (business and personal), he learned an entire system of coding in 2 days by observing someone else using the system. like. what the heck. why didn’t i get some of that in my genes.

[jay, rip]

also i bought these really soft sweatpants and i only take them off to go to work now.

[jay, rip]

jay wrote: "also i bought these really soft sweatpants and i only take them off to go to work now."

i don’t mean that i go to work without pants, i mean i take off my comfy sweats and put on my comfy leggings that look like trousers to fit the dress code for my job lmao

[jay, rip]

my coworker and i got bored the other day while we were shelving so we counted and like 25% of the employees at our barnes and noble are fuckin gay

[jay, rip]

jay wrote: "my coworker and i got bored the other day while we were shelving so we counted and like 25% of the employees at our barnes and noble are fuckin gay"

i don’t mean this like “haha that’s gay” i mean this like literally one out of every four of us is a homosexual

[jay, rip]

i’m so fucking tired lmao

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i bought 7 books today

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ramadan is over so y’all can catch me eating breakfast in front of the TV w a big cup of coffee tmr morning 💞

[rimskur]

EID MUBARAKKKKKKKKKKKKK AHCCAHCHAB

[jay, rip]

DIΛΠΛ wrote: "EID MUBARAKKKKKKKKKKKKK AHCCAHCHAB"

EID MUBARAK TO YOU TOO OMG

[jay, rip]

you had to see my face when i was squinting up @ the clouds tryna find the moon dkdkdffkckck

[jay, rip]

jay wrote: "i bought 7 books today"

i feel like i should elaborate on this cause it’s a book website:
6 of them were SPN tie-in novels (i deadass bought every single one we had in store, ope) and 1 of them was a book of arabian fables but written in arabic so i can brush up on my language skills b4 taking it in the fall

[jay, rip]

also my mom and dad and aunt and uncle are going to do pilgrimage in August so they’ll be gone for 3 weeks in Saudi Arabia and they’re stopping in Lebanon twice, so my mom asked me what i wanted her to bring me back, and long story short she’s gonna buy me a turquoise stone ring like my dad’s

[jay, rip]

then in the winter my mom is going by herself to a couple other countries to visit graves of religious people

[jay, rip]

i hope my mom gets the good incense from overseas,,, rn we burn the stuff you get in american stores (which aren’t bad at all) and we’re growing more sage to burn that too,,

[jay, rip]

every time she burns it in the house i get triggered w my asthma but we burn it at the cemetery bc cultural tradition

[jay, rip]

i also realized today that old people really are lonely. like my entire shift i was dealing w older folk (bc monday morning all the young people are @ work and school) and damn they really just need someone to talk to

[jay, rip]

i had a lady carry a conversation w me for 30 minutes in the cookbook section and then she thanked me for listening to her and called me pleasant

[jay, rip]

i thought it would be weird w the old people because i am Pretty Obviously Queer but according to the other gays at work, nobody is ever rude about it

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except for like the little kids when they’re like “are you a boy or a girl?” but i cant blame them cause they’re just curious kids and their parents usually apologize

[jay, rip]

am boy. thank.

[jay, rip]

also my cousin invited me to her sweet 16 & i’m really flattered bc i’m the non-friend she invited but i feel like it’s gonna be so awkward bc i’m aboutta be 19 and like these girls are all 15/16

[jay, rip]

i think she just wants me to be her photographer tbh but i’m cool w that,! like i take semi decent pics and all but like when we were in florida i was her personal photographer and we do have a DSLR

[jay, rip]

also her brother (my other cousin) is gonna be there so it won’t be too weird bc he’s 19 too

[jay, rip]

speaking of her brother— i did not realize how much we (my family) all looked alike till i used the gendered filters on snap?? like w the dude one w the beard i looked just like my cousin and w the girl one w the hair i looked like my sister lmaooo

[jay, rip]

i also have another bday party to go to this Saturday but it’s for my little cousin who’s turning 2, so that’ll be a lot less stressful. the theme is Snow White and i’m gonna consult Kass on what to do abt gifts lmao

[jay, rip]

jay wrote: "i also have another bday party to go to this Saturday but it’s for my little cousin who’s turning 2, so that’ll be a lot less stressful. the theme is Snow White and i’m gonna consult Kass on what t..."

god bless them for giving me the idea of getting an ethnically accurate doll for her

[jay, rip]

that came out wrong, i meant it like a doll w the same ethnicity/features as her! aka jasmine 😂

[jay, rip]

me @ my retainer after not wearing it for a week: hello darkness my old friend

[edge]

yo jay i dont see lil anywhere where is she is she not back yet

[[deleted user]]

jay wrote: "honestly i’m sorry that i’ve been so inactive lately with EVERYTHING from mod duties to QOTW to my RPs and stuff but

[incoming long post]

I don’t know if it’s just because my life is irregular ..."

it’s okay if you don’t have a passion! i have so many friends pursuig X bc it’s their passion, or going to their dream school of CYZ bc they’re passionate about Y. When I told a librarian (used to a library aide) that my “passion was financial stability” (although a little dnarky) in response to what my passion was, she was all, “That’s totally okay!”

And besides, not having a passion is cool. I do things that I like— may not be a passion per-say, but they make me happy.

[[deleted user]]

jay wrote: "i just want to know what the reason is though, like what’s the reason why people don’t vaccinate? i mean the “vaccines cause autism” thing has been refuted like 500 times over, but is there somethi..."


I saw this tweet, and u could respond to anti-vaxxers by saying “what if russia/ china/ other vaguely non-democratic country spread the myth of anti-vaxx bc they want to weaken the american population?” I legitimately hollered when i read it 😂

[jay, rip]

Angel wrote: "jay wrote: "i just want to know what the reason is though, like what’s the reason why people don’t vaccinate? i mean the “vaccines cause autism” thing has been refuted like 500 times over, but is t..."

this is a very fair point

[jay, rip]

edge wrote: "yo jay i dont see lil anywhere where is she is she not back yet"

I don’t know tbh i haven’t been active much